When we act, we are blessed.

What a crazy week it has been! Working on some last-minute homework, final projects, and prepping for the musical fireside tonight...it's been busy. But I've made it. I just have to finish up with the fireside and then start prepping for finals! I'm super nervous!! But I think it will be fine...I just have to stay focused and motivated.
There's a lot of things I'm going through/have been going through lately that have been really difficult, but as I've turned to my Savior, things have been better...I still have tons to work on...I have a lot to change to do better...and sometimes I still feel like I'm failing, and just taking steps backwards...but I know that as I am diligent in my personal scripture studies, life will go a lot smoother.

Church today was really insightful. I learned a lot...and I realized a lot...and I know what I need to work on in my life.

I wrote this thing down in my notebook during sacrament meeting that I originally wasn't going to share...but I feel the need to.

I am a human.I have flaws.
I have weaknesses.
I have strengths.
I have times that I win my battles.
I have times that I lose them.
Overcoming temptation is hard and sometimes seems impossible. Sometimes it seems like I will never fully be able to overcome. I wish I could just QUIT but it's not that easy...it's taking me more time than I would really like.
During class later, I was thinking about something. One of my favorite things that I learned in conference was to trust God's timing. I don't know why this is something that I have been struggling with for a long time...and I am not going to lie, sometimes I feel helpless. Sometimes I feel like I am too far gone and that I will never be able to get back on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I will never get over it and that I will never get to be where I want to be, and where I know God wants me to and knows that I can be.But I hope and pray that as I am diligent in my scripture study, I will be able to have the help and hand of the Lord in my life.
I know that Heavenly Father loves me and forgives me when I repent...He has such faith in me. I am so grateful for that...I love Him so much and I wish that I could be the girl He sees. I wish that I could be the daughter that He deserves. I'm trying so hard, but sometimes I feel like I will never be that girl. 

I had a lot of personal realizations today. And it was hard. But...I've come so far. Even with my setbacks...and my steps backwards...I have come so far. It's hard to see sometimes...especially when I make mistakes...but luckily God gave me the best roommates. They see me for who I am, and they help me remember who I am, and whose I am. They love me so much and I don't know what I would do without them. They are exactly who I needed and I can't imagine my life without them. They remind me of my worth, my attributes, my strengths, my blessings. I am a completely different person today than I was before I met them. They have honestly changed my life, and I am forever grateful to them for that.

There is no one who is without problems. Some are more visible than others. And some are more personal than others. But no matter what–God will always, always, always, always love you. He will always be there for you. And He will make sure you have the opportunities you need to learn, and grow, and change, and become who He knows you can become.

I'm not sure what lies in store for me in the future...and it sometimes frightens me. I wish I knew what I am supposed to be learning through this extended trial. But I do know this: that no matter what, I can always turn to my Heavenly Father...and I can always turn to the people in my life. When I need them...they will be there.

I've set some new goals for this upcoming week, and I am hopeful that things will go well! One day at a time...I can do hard things. I don't know what's ahead...but I am stepping into the darkness with faith that, in time, I will know.

I just need to let Him in, and act. When we act, we are blessed. That is my plan this week. I am going to act. And I am going to stay strong. And I am going to do what He has asked me to do. And I am going to remember that I AM NOT MY MISTAKES. My mistakes do not define my worth. My worth just is–there is no changing it.

I am brave. I am bruised. I am capable. I am loved. I am a daughter of God. I am WORTH IT.

Xoxo
Mattie

Learning to trust God in spite of our weaknesses and trials.

My friend and I were talking the other day about a lot of things but one of the last things that we talked about really stood out to me and I've been thinking about it since then. We were talking about weaknesses and strengths, and she named a whole bunch of things I consider weaknesses and she also named how they got turned into strengths. And it was a really special, kind of spiritual experience that I had with her. I have been thinking about how the way I view my weaknesses affects me. If I think of them as just weaknesses, it breaks me, and tears me down. But if I think of them as ways to be stronger, or things that led me to be strong, it builds me up. I see what I've overcome, and I know that I am strong and capable. But when I doubt myself, and let my weaknesses take over me, I feel weak, incapable, depressed, and uncertain of my worthiness and capabilities to be loved or looked up to. It's hard to remember to look at your strengths in a world that is so focused on weaknesses and imperfections in such a negative way, but focusing on your strengths, and how your weaknesses lead you to strengths, is beautiful and empowering, especially when you have God on your side.

I shared this on Facebook yesterday, after thinking about what my friend and I talked about earlier:

"I am my strengths...and I am my weaknesses. Together, they make me who I am. I have my strengths because of my weaknesses. 

My weaknesses do not define me. 

My weaknesses do not make me any less than I am.
My weaknesses make me human.
My strengths do not define me. My strengths do not make me more than I am. My strengths make me human. 

But one cannot have strengths without weaknesses. One cannot have weaknesses without strengths. You must have one to have the other. Together, they make you unstoppable. Indestructible. Powerful. 

God can turn any weakness into a strength. I've seen that in my own life, and a friend recently brought to my attention just how many weaknesses I have that He's helped me turn into strengths. I'm not perfect at them, but I'm trying my best. And that's all we can do."