He hears, He waits, He loves.

It wasn't even a question what I was going to focus on today. It was set up so perfectly this morning.

Thoughts during the sacrament:
So I was listening to some music this morning while I was getting ready for church, and one song that played was one that I love called "Every Word" (it can be found here), and I was thinking about the sacrament hymn, "God Our Father Hear Us Pray", and I couldn't help but connect them and think, He hears us. He hears EVERY word. Unspoken, spoken, or hidden deep inside. He hears you. He always hears you. He hears your cries of desperation, your cries of longing, your cries of fear. He hears your prayers–prayers of answers long searched for, of the fear of failure, of pain you wish was gone. He hears it all. Don't think, even for a second, that you mean nothing to Him. Heavenly Father sent His Only Begotten Son to die for us, and Jesus Christ suffered and died for YOU. Our Savior suffered so that He could be with us every step of the way on our path. So don't you even doubt that He hears you, because I know that He does. He hears you, even if the answers don't come right away. I know that He will answer you when He knows that you're ready. And I know that He always hears you.

The main theme that the speakers touched during sacrament meeting was on obedience, which, to me was kind of...not necessarily needed, but needed...I know that doesn't make sense, and I apologize but I'm going to move on.

The first speaker mentioned the fact that Jesus Christ never questioned why, but He did it anyway. He may have questioned how, but never why. He just followed His Father's commandments exactly. Obviously we're human and we make mistakes, so we will never be able to follow the commandments exactly, but we can work on progressing with the help of our Savior. Heavenly Father lets us know the rules–what we need to do and how. He's not going to leave us in the dark; He lets us know, and He waits for us to begin–for the first time, or again.

The second speaker, Brother Huish, said something that I thought was cool. He said just because we may want to defy them (God's commandments) doesn't mean that they don't exist. He also said "Obedience leads to true freedom." He also quoted Joseph Smith, who said, "All persons are entitled to their agency for God has so ordained it". We all have our agency, and we can all choose whether or not to obey God's commandments, or the laws of the land, but we don't get to choose the consequences of our actions. Another thing he said was that, if we are striving to do all that we can, though we won't achieve perfection in this life, we can progress with our Savior's aid. David O. McKay once said, "Self-control means the government and regulation of all our natural appetites, desires, passions, and affections; and there is nothing that gives a man such strength of character as the sense of self-conquest, the realization that he can make his appetites and passions serve him and that he is not a servant to them." Basically, he is saying that we are in charge of our appetites and desires, not the other way around. The last thing that Brother Huish said was that the Savior is the key in all of this. And He is. He is the way, the truth, and the light. He is the only way back to our Heavenly Father.

In Gospel Doctrine we talked about foreordination, and how we are all pre-destined to be someone or do something in this life. We also talked a little about repentance, and how we shouldn't procrastinate repenting; someone said that as soon as they begin the repentance process, they feel better, so why procrastinate that change, and the peace that comes with it? One of the last thoughts I had at the end of the lesson was "God watches and waits for us to come to Him." And He does. Even if you don't go to Him, though, He will still be there, watching out for you.

Relief Society was great!! We're singing in church in a couple weeks and we started to practice the song today. I'm not going to tell you what song it is yet, but it is one of my favorites and it is one I've sung before (several times, if I'm not mistaken). :)

Anyway, the lesson was on Elder Oaks' talk from April 2016 conference entitled "Opposition In All Things". The sister who was teaching (I think her name was Ashley) said that struggle is needed for us to be strengthened, and this is so true. We can't become stronger if we are not tested. In order for us to have alternative choices and be able to use our agency, we need opposition. Trials are specifically tailored to us, to help us grow into who we are supposed to become. I was so grateful for something that one of the sisters said when she related an experience she'd had, which is one that I've kind of had, and we had reached similar conclusions in how to deal with it, and it was just a testimony to me (again) that we all go through similar experiences all the time, even if we don't know it. Even though she and I both want some things that aren't happening for us right now, we both have had similar experiences in getting an answer of sorts, and knowing that we are becoming who we are meant to be. She also said that the Lord doesn't make it easy for us, but He does make it possible. I love that. If we keep on trying, things will work out. Trials remind us that Heavenly Father has a plan for us that is so much bigger than we can even imagine! Trials are meant to refine us, and Heavenly Father will never give us anything to go through that we are not capable of going through. And when it becomes too much for us, we will always be able to lean on our Savior, and on our family and friends.

Heavenly Father loves us so much!! He wants us to be able to return to Him, but we have to become something better than we are now in order for us to be able to live with Him. So He gives us trials, experiences, and people in our lives that will help us become who He knows we can become. I know that He listens. I know that He wants what is best for us, and I know that He will not leave us alone on the path to becoming who we were meant to be. <3

I can do hard things.

I am a super lucky duck! I went home last weekend, and the lesson in Relief Society was on adversity. In Relief Society today (in my singles ward), we learned about adversity again! Which is such a blessing! Kelsie talked differently about some things that I needed to hear for this week, which is going to be insane!!

-Doing the hard things in life will help us in the end.
-Trials are helping us move forward.
-Look at trials as an opportunity to build up.
-Heavenly Father puts things in our life to stretch us and help us grow.
-When one door closes, another door opens.
-We won't be tempted beyond what we can withstand.
-You have every reason to be happy and optimistic and confident.
-The Savior will ease and lighten our loads/burdens.
-We need to ask and be ready for His help and assistance.
-This is a time of hope and excitement; the Gospel is being spread throughout the world!
-Do the hard things. Ask for help. Work with the Lord.

So grateful for this lesson!! Her theme was "I can do hard things" and I love that!

Sacrament meeting was based on the significance of the temple. Some of my favorite quotes/lessons from sacrament meeting were:
-Heaven isn't far when you're in the temple.
-Going to the temple is a privilege that we must earn.
-The purpose of a temple recommend is so that you are prepared for the temple.
-The most meaningful thing we can do for our ancestors is help them get sealed, and receive the blessings of the temple.
-The greatest service we can do is one that will last through the eternities (family history work/temple work).
-Temples bring comfort and peace.

Today was a great day, full of great lessons!! This week will be crazy, but I can do hard things!! :)

Compassion in trials.

So, funny story: I had an accidental sleepover last night. I had a party with my friends that ran later than I thought it would and my dad didn't want to drive me to Provo that late so I stayed home. 

Anyway, today in Relief Society Sister Sollami taught the lesson and we talked a bit about trials and how they can help us. Several ladies said some very poignant things: 

-Trials help us become more grateful, more patient, and more considerate. 

-Sister Worthington talked about when Jesus and His disciples were in the boat and Jesus fell asleep, His disciples were frightened when the storm came and woke and asked Him, "carest thou not that we perish?" He stood up and said, "Peace, be still" and calmed the storm and the sea. She said that He won't always calm the storm–sometimes we need to go through it–but He will always provide the peace and comfort we need. 

-Trials give us understanding. It's up to us to be willing to lift and help others in trials that are similar to or the same as what we've gone through. 

Compassion is a big part of trials. When we are going through trials, we turn to the Lord for comfort and guidance, and we want others to be compassionate to what we are going through–to be aware that we are having a difficult time and that we need someone to lend a hand, or an ear. When our trial is over, we are then compassionate towards those who have gone through the same or similar trials. We are willing and able to help them get through it.

In my patriarchal blessing, it says that I will be compassionate and understanding of other's needs. Though I didn't outright say, "Mattie, you need to be compassionate and understanding", it's something that I've always tried to do and be. I try to be aware of those around me, and I try to be helpful, and I try to be there for my friends/family when they need me. I had an experience last semester that I think about all the time. I was heading to the library, and I saw a woman, holding a lot of things, with her daughter trailing a few feet behind her, stopping every so often. I asked her if I could help her, and she said, "We're just slow-going." She said that they were returning books to the library, and I said, "I'm heading there now. I could turn them in." And then she said that would be great, except she might have to go up to the 3rd floor to turn the books in, but thank you anyway. And so I went on my way, and I have always regretted that. I don't know why I didn't just say, "Hey, I can do that for you." 

That experience was a lost opportunity for me, but it's made me realize just how much I love helping others. Because I did not help that woman, I felt really bad because I lost an opportunity to bless one of God's children. Being compassionate and serving others makes me happy–I mentioned something like that at the end of a previous blogpost (http://havingachristlikeheart.blogspot.com/2015/12/have-courage-and-be-kind.html). 

I just want those around me to know that they can always turn to me for anything–I will always be there for them. That's what Christ does for me, and for all of us, and so that's what I want to do for my friends and family. I want to always be there for them, because I know what it's like when you need or want someone to be there for you–even if it's just to talk to make you feel better emotionally–and they're not there. I don't want anyone to feel like that. I don't like it when people are sad, or alone, etc. So I've decided that I'll be there. Even if no one else is. I'll be there. Because that's what Christ would do, and what He does. He's always there. So, if I am there for you, just know that I'm there because Jesus Christ cannot personally be there, so He sent me. I hope that's okay with you. 

After much tribulation, blessings come.

"For after much tribulation come the blessings." ~Doctrine and Covenants 58: 4
I love this scripture! We all have trials, and they’re always difficult and hard to go through, but as you turn to Him, the blessings will come. <3

"Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." ~Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Trials are really difficult.

They're always difficult.

But they make us stronger.

Sometimes things that don't seem like trials are trials, and you wonder what you can learn from it.

Currently, my biggest trial is biting my nails. I am super nervous for college, but I must be way more nervous than I thought because I keep biting my nails and it's really bad. It's really painful sometimes, and I just don't know what I can do to stop! I've tried everything, and some will work for a little while but then I go back to biting them. I think that this trial is teaching me patience and determination. I am determined to stop biting, but it is taking a long time; I have to have patience and I have to work on it consciously. I have to tell myself to stop biting my nails.

Another trial that I am having is studying my scriptures. This trial is also teaching me determination and patience (I am determined to make it a better habit, but it is taking time), but it is also teaching me time management. I have to manage my time so that I will have time for my scripture study, but also for my school studies once I start college.

There are tons of trials in our lives, and they will always teach us something–whether it be now, or later; whether we realize what we are learning or not. Whatever our circumstances, trials will always teach us something, and blessings will always, always come. Blessings come after a trial of our faith.

Singing and blessings.

Hey!! I don't remember if I told you guys that I auditioned to be able to sing the song "Together" at the movie premiere of Once I Was A Beehive and have my version of that song recorded for the soundtrack. ANYWAY, that's what happened. And I got to the top fifty and I was so excited!! So I told everyone to share/vote for me, and they all tried so hard, I'm so grateful for them, but I didn't move on to the top ten. And I never checked back because I felt really, really sad. So, I was on Facebook earlier today, and the Facebook page for the movie shared the video of the person who won. I just have to say that she has a really good voice, but I'm just really sad. Because guess why? The girl who won....is eleven years old. And I was on Facebook a few minutes ago, and this picture popped up and just made me want to cry and cry:

It made me want to cry because this is now the third time that I've auditioned for something and I haven't gotten in/it. The first two times I auditioned for the school's talent show, and I didn't get it. Right before the first one, though (I think it was the first one, anyway), I got the solo in our stake's "Stand In Holy Places" production, and that made me so, so happy! Anyway, so I didn't get into the talent show, and that made me sad. And now I didn't get the movie thing, and I got beat by an eleven-year-old. Is God telling me that I shouldn't go into music with my voice?? I don't know, and it's making me sad and frustrated. (Also, just FYI–I have been crying a bit as I've been writing this. I'm okay, but I just haven't let out my feelings about not moving on in the competition and I feel like I need to do that.)

I know He loves me, but I just feel like all of these things aren't a coincidence, and I don't know what to do. I absolutely LOVE singing, and I don't know what I'll do if I can't do something with it for the rest of my life. I mean, yes, I love playing the violin, but I also love singing, and I have been singing for longer than I have been performing, and I am just so confused. 

I'm going to start praying and studying my scriptures about this; see if I can find an answer. 

OH!!!! I remember where I was going to go with this. I think I didn't get the movie thing because I'm still a little sick, and singing/talking is hard for me because I keep coughing. Blech! :/ 

ANYWAY.

I'm getting off topic (I do that a lot, in case you haven't noticed). The point of this post was not to cry (though I often cry while writing because I am an emotional person, especially lately since I'm going to college in less than three weeks. EEEK!!!); it was to let you know that God has bigger things planned for you. He has greater things in store. I'm so grateful that He can see ahead on my life's path, because sometimes I get so caught up in the now, and in the past, that sometimes I forget that there's so much more out there for me. I'm so much more than who I was, and who I am. I can be a greater person than I am. God knows what He is doing, and He is guiding me to who He needs me to be and who He knows I can be. 

All of these trials are going to make me a better person. I normally know that, but right now I have faith that they will because sometimes I don't know things; sometimes I just have faith. I know that all of these things will make me a better person and help me in the future. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

What does God want me to learn from this?

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend and I was saying how I wished I had a job and also how I was super worried about college because I haven't heard back from any of my colleges (and one college I applied to a couple of my friends also applied to and they have already heard back) and how no one wants me to be productive. I didn't tell my friend, but I was crying because the idea of the future–which is unknown–is frightening to me, and I'm so scared I'll never get a job or get into college (also because I'm just a crybaby haha), and also I'm still depressed that I didn't get into the talent show again. Well, my friend said, 'Listen Mattie, think of it like this, don't ask "why do I not have a job right now?" ask "what does God want me to learn from this?"' He also said that "pearls given are rocks, pearls earned are priceless", meaning that finding things out for ourselves is a much sweeter reward than just being given the answers.
He also gave me this poem:

"My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.
Not till the loom in silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned."
(Unknown)

And I thought, "Sure, these are great words, but I'm still so scared and I don't know what to do." And I follow this blog that I go on reading splurges–when I first found it, I read the blog posts for hours and then I didn't really read any more until yesterday when I went on another splurge–and I was reading it yesterday and she said some things that hit home. God will always send us what we need. He sends us who we need, and He sends them when we need it. Never before we're ready. He only sends us answers when we are ready for them. And I love that. Sometimes, the answers are not what we want or expect, and so if we receive them before we are ready, we won't understand. We need to be humbled before God can give us the answers that we need and will be able to understand. We may not always understand why He gave us the answers He did, but we will be humbler and more ready for the answers. We need to humble ourselves and look for the answer; only then will God reveal His answer and plan to us (in pieces). He doesn't just give us the answers; I saw this thing that said, "The teacher is quiet during the test", and it's true. God doesn't just hand out answers willy-nilly. We need to work hard for them. I know that He loves us, and I know that He will help us if we ask Him to. So, to answer my question, "What does God want me to learn from this?" Right now, I don't know what He wants me to learn. But I am definitely going to find out soon.

Adversity is difficult, but through it, Heavenly Father is making us stronger.

So, my birthday was two days ago, and I got a new laptop! I absolutely love it, and I have been using it constantly. And, because I got a new laptop, this means that I will soon be able to post me singing "Joseph Smith's First Prayer" to the tune of "Come Thou Fount" and I am so excited to have you guys listen to it! I am still sick this week, so I might not get it done until next week, but we will see.

Today I want to talk about adversity. We talked about it in Young Women's, and I learned a lot about it that I had never thought about before. There were several scriptures that we read about adversity:

2nd Nephi 2:11~ For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.
                ~We talked about how adversity is a part of life. There can't be happiness if we don't have misery. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve didn't understand misery or happiness, and they just were. They lived in the Garden but weren't necessarily happy or miserable. Once they partook of the fruit of the tree of good and evil, however, their eyes were opened and they had to be cast out, and they were able to have happiness, and sadness, and all other emotions we have (King James Bible, Genesis 3)
Mosiah 23:21~Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.
                ~Adversity tests our faith and makes it grow. Without adversity and trials, we can't grow. We stay where we are, which isn't good. We are always changing, and adversity helps us change and grow more.
Ether 12:27~And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
                ~We are given weaknesses so that they can become strengths. Adversity makes us want to change, to be better, and become stronger. Without weakness, we aren't weak, nor strong. We just are. Weaknesses help us become stronger.
Doctrine and Covenants 58: 2-3~2) For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithfulin tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. 3) Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
                ~If we have faith to get through our trial and we get through it, we will receive many blessings.

To conclude, I have a story about adversity. Four years ago, my great-grandpa died a few days before my birthday. The day before my birthday, we went up to Idaho and my birthday was the day of the funeral, I believe. Anyway, it was hard for me. I really miss him, but the way that I got through that trial was I was able to go to his funeral. I was able to get some closure. It was still hard, but I was able to get closure. A year and several months later, my great-grandma died. Again, it was really hard for me, and I miss her so much, and I wasn't able to go to her funeral. I still got closure, though. The day after I found out that she had died, the whole ninth grade at my school got to go to Lagoon. So that whole day, I spent it with my friends, and I was able to take my mind off of the loss of my great-grandmother. It was still hard, and still sad, but both times I was able to get some closure. I know that I will get to see them again, and I know that they are rooting for me, and helping me, and I hope that I can make them proud. I know that families are forever. I know that, even though adversities and trials are so hard, I know that they can make us better people, and I know that blessings come from enduring through them. There is a song entitled "Blessings" by Mercy River. They are an amazing group! I love their songs and the messages that they give. This one is about adversities and trials, so go look it up! It's a good one. :)