Into the unknown.

This last week has been a little crazy! My sister had her wedding reception Thursday and then got married Friday, and so we spent all week finalizing preparations. The reception and wedding were both very beautiful. My sister made a beautiful bride and I am very happy for her and proud of her. 

This week is Thanksgiving, and I am very grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I am grateful for my Savior, and my Heavenly Parents. I am grateful for the love that I feel from Them, and for the blessings that They give me in my life. I am grateful for the opportunities that I had to attend college and increase my education. I am grateful for my job, and for the happiness that it brings me to work with my kiddos. I am grateful for my parents, and my siblings–new brother-in-law included. I am grateful for my friends, and for all of their love and support during my trials in the last several years. And I am grateful for my boyfriend, who is the sweetest and most thoughtful guy, and who is the best blessing in my life right now. 💜

My life hasn't always gone the way that I had hoped that it would, but I know that this is something that everyone struggles with. Life doesn't always go as planned. God has a bigger plan for us. And His timing is always perfect–even when it doesn't seem like it is. We don't always know why things happen when they do–or don't happen–but not knowing why can often help us increase our faith and trust in the Lord. As of right now, I don't know why God's timing is perfect for me right now.  Sometimes it's really hard to trust the Lord, especially when it doesn't feel like He is listening. But as we are praying in a way that means God can actually answer our prayers, we can come to better understand His plans for us. Sometimes His timing doesn't feel perfect, and sometimes it doesn't seem like I can hear Him answering me, but I know that eventually–whether in this life or the next–things will all make sense. 

As we step forward into the unknown (phrase courtesy of Frozen II and its soundtrack, which I conveniently saw yesterday evening and I HIGHLY recommend everyone sees! I recommend seeing it blindly but you can do what you want), we are facing our fears. We are trusting God and trusting ourselves, and standing tall and taking a step into the dark. The future is unknown, but as we strive to follow God's plan for us, we can come to take things one moment at a time and even though it might not always make sense, it will always be a lesson or a blessing–something to learn from, or something to grow from. 

A bit of a shorter post today, but if you're interested, on Friday I posted on my Facebook page about my sister's wedding and some tips on relationships from President and Sister Nelson. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful week preparing for Thanksgiving this week! Remember to count your blessings and be thankful. I know that I am going to be focusing on gratitude and my blessings this week, and for the rest of the holiday season this year. 

Xoxo

Mattie

He'll provide a way.

This was quite the weekend. I woke up sick Saturday morning around 5am and ended up staying in bed all day resting my body. It was glorious. Even though I was still not feeling well by the end of the day, I was feeling 5-10% better that night. And yesterday I was feeling about 25-75% better.

Something I've learned this week while I was studying the scriptures was that humbleness can be trusting God even when you can't hear Him.

My family watched the Youth Face to Face event yesterday afternoon, which was explaining more about the changes to the youth programs, and David Archuleta introduced and sang the new song for next year's theme ("I Will Go and Do"), and one of my favorite lines was, "He'll provide a way." I loved this! This has been a major theme in the last couple of weeks as I have been reminded many times by close friends about God's timing, and His love and grace.

I first off want to say how grateful I am for artists like David Archuleta, Calee Reed, Hilary Weeks, Gentri, Cherie Call, and many, many others who share their faith through music and song. I am grateful for their messages of love, hope, and for their testimonies that shine through their music.

Second, I want to say how grateful I am for all of the blessings in my life, and for the blessings that I get because of the things that I am doing every day to improve and increase my testimony. I've been struggling with a lot of things these last couple of months, but in the last couple of weeks, I have been reminded of my blessings. I have been reminded of the Lord's plan for me, and of the opportunities I have to find joy in my life.

Sorry that this post is so late but yesterday was a little crazy, what with me still being sick and not entirely feeling up to doing a lot of things.

Hope everyone has a great week! My sister is getting married this week so our week is going to be crazy busy, but hopefully it will be a wonderful week with family! :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Consistent and resilient trust in the Lord.

There is nothing like the holidays or the end of the year that have you thinking about where you are in life and where you want to be. 💜

I was pondering during the sacrament today about the sacrament prayers. I made a list of the promises and covenants that I made at baptism, and that God made, and there's not as many as I thought there were! I promised to:

1. Be willing to take the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, upon me.
2. Always remember Him.
3. Keep His commandments.

And if I do these, then God promises that:

1. I can always have the Spirit to be with me.

This is such a great promise. I love that as I do those three things, I have the ability to have the Spirit with me–always.

Today was my ward's fast and testimony meeting (since last week was our Stake Conference), and someone said something today that really rang true with me. They said that, just like type 2 diabetes (in which your body still produces insulin but is unable to use it effectively), sometimes when we don't receive or hear guidance from the Spirit, it's a receptor problem. The Spirit is still speaking to us, we are just unable to hear it. 

This really made me think, because I've been struggling within the last couple of years to consistently hear and feel the Spirit, and I always thought something was wrong with me. I've been doing everything right. I've gone to the temple, I've prayed, I've studied my scriptures, I've gone to church...everything you can do, I did. But a friend reminded me that I have depression and anxiety, and this can make it difficult for me to hear or feel the Spirit. This comment that was made in sacrament meeting reminded me of this, and reminded me that sometimes I don't have any control over it, but that there are things that I can do to help increase my reception of the Spirit.

In Relief Society, we talked about the talk "Consistent and Resilient Trust" by Elder L. Todd Budge from the October 2019 conference. We talked about how we can still be happy and find happiness, even when there is sorrow and life is rough. We also talked about how our sorrow and pain can change to joy/gladness because of our Savior. 

"Afflictions and sorrow prepare us to experience joy IF we will trust in the Lord and His plan for us." Sorrow can help lead to growth, learning, and happiness if we trust in the Lord's plan for us. 

We can still have consistent trust in the Lord, no matter the circumstances. And we can still have moments of happiness, even when we are in times of sorrow. Because happiness is PEACE and JOY that comes from surrendering ourselves to God and putting our trust in Him in all things. So as we trust Him, we can be happy and have happiness. :)

I hope everyone has a great week! I have an orchestra concert tomorrow that I am super excited for! And it's just going to be a great week overall! I'm going to make it so that it is a phenomenal week! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Keep walking towards the Light–even when you can't see it.

I can't believe that it's November already! October just flew by! I am excited for the holidays! Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of my favorite holidays and they are next! And Frozen II comes out this month!!

This week, I've really been focusing on reading the Book of Mormon every day, and on working on my patience and my temper. Even though I wasn't perfect at it every day, I did make some progress, and I am grateful for the blessings that I saw in my life this week through my study of the Book of Mormon. I hope that I can be a bit better about my study this week, and that I can see some more improvement and blessings this week because of it.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to the temple, and I stayed longer than I normally do, but it was a blessing. I didn't really get a prompting or anything. Sitting there in the temple I just felt such peace. That wasn't the answer that I was looking for, really, but my friend said, "Maybe that is your answer", and I think she's right. I'll keep studying, pondering, and praying, but I will also move forward with faith. And if I need a little correction here and there, I know that God will direct me.

Today was Stake Conference for my stake. I really, really loved it!!

President Wilson talked about The Book of Mormon!! Which I thought was so cool since I've started rereading The Book of Mormon lately. He talked about how our testimony and relationship with Heavenly Father are tender. They are personal, and sweet, and between our Father in Heaven and us. He also talked about how we need to turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart and serve Him.

Sister Christofferson talked about how the Lord loves us so much! And she talked about how those who are called to minister (us) are part of the most important work. She talked about a meeting with some of the leaders of the Church, and she said that Sister Bonnie H. Cordon said that, "When you minister, don't try to impress them. Bless them." I loved that! Sometimes it's hard to just be there for someone, and to bless their lives. Sometimes you just want to give a big gesture to show how much you care for them. But you don't need to do it. You just need to bless them. Sister Christofferson said that sometimes it takes courage and love to minister others.

Bishop Shepherd talked about how we need to keep walking towards the Light–walking towards our Savior. Even when we can't see the Light. And even when we can't see our Savior.

Sister Freestone (the new matron of the Provo Temple) talked about how we need to make and keep sacred covenants. She asked a question: Do you know how much the Lord loves you? She just talked about His love for us, and how He loves us in such a personal and unique way.

President Freestone (the new president of the Provo Temple) talked about how we have divine origins, and how our Father in Heaven loves us. He talked about ways that we can come to know that our Father in Heaven really loves us:

1. Focus on the Savior, and make Him the central part of your life.
2. Take the Holy Spirit as your guide. Seek for things that invite the Spirit and avoid things that drive the Spirit away. We need to desire the Holy Ghost so much that we are acting in such a way that He can reside in and with us. 
3. Come to the temple often. The ordinances of the temple provide the greatest blessings in life.

Sister Wright talked about how we all have something in our lives that is broken, and needs to be mended and healed. She also talked about how we can fix whatever it is with Him.

Sister Christensen talked about the question, "How can I have the Atonement in my life daily?" There are a few things that she said we can do to have the Atonement in our lives daily:

1. We need to understand who the Savior is, and who we are.
2. We need to seek the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.
3. We need to understand that we need a Savior–for help in all things.

Elder Craig C. Christensen of the Seventy said that he goes through the temple questions each week. I think that this is a great idea and I am going to try it this week. That was just a small part of what he talked about. He talked about the difference between testimony and conversion. A testimony is knowing what is true. Conversion is living true to what you know to be true. Conversion is a process. 

Christ's life was never about Him. He was always focused on others. His outward service is a great example to us of how we can live our lives.

I am grateful for the messages of Stake Conference and for the chance that I had to attend the temple yesterday. I am grateful for the full-time senior missionaries in my stake who contacted me this last week and met with me today. They were so sweet and had such a great message for me.

I hope everyone has a fantastic week! It's the month of gratitude! Find something you're grateful for every day! God loves you and I love you too!

Xoxo
Mattie

Improving my relationship with Heavenly Father.

Today in Sacrament Meeting, I was reading the conference talk "Unwavering Commitment to Jesus Christ" by Elder Dale G. Renlund. I really loved this talk! I wrote down a few things that I was thinking about while I read the talk, and afterwards when I was pondering on what I had read. I hope that some of them will be helpful for others.

One question that I was pondering was, "What symbolic action can I do to show my commitment to Jesus Christ?" And while I was thinking about this, I realized that there are a LOT of things that I can do to show my commitment to Jesus Christ that I am not doing. I think that one thing I struggle with is that sometimes I try to do all of the things at the same time. And I can't actually handle that. So I need to stop trying to do everything all at once. And I need to start with ONE thing at a time. God understands where I am, and He understands what I can do. And as long as I am giving Him my all, that is enough. 

Elder Renlund said that, "Being 'converted unto the Lord' means leaving one course of action, directed by an old belief system, and adopting a new one based on faith in Heavenly Father's plan and in Jesus Christ and His Atonement.  

This change is more than an intellectual acceptance of gospel teachings. It shapes our identity, transforms our understanding of life’s meaning, and leads to unchanging fidelity to God. Personal desires that are contrary to being anchored to the Savior and to following the covenant path fade away and are replaced by a determination to submit to the will of Heavenly Father. 

Being converted unto the Lord starts with an unwavering commitment to God, followed by making that commitment part of who we are. Internalizing such a commitment is a lifelong process that requires patience and ongoing repentance. Eventually, this commitment becomes part of who we are, embedded in our sense of self, and ever present in our lives. Just as we never forget our own name no matter what else we are thinking about, we never forget a commitment that is etched in our hearts."

Every emphasis in the previous quote was added by me. Those are the most important parts to me right now. Conversion to the Lord is MORE than knowledge. Conversion to the Lord is a CHANGE. I think it's not a coincidence that we call it "being converted to the Lord" when "conversion" means, "the process of changing or causing something to change from one form to another". When we are converted–or working on it–we are working on becoming like Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. We are working to change from our current form into a better one. One that is more like God. And this is something that we need to be continuously doing.

So, after pondering "being converted unto the Lord", I began to ponder a new question. "How can I improve my relationship with Heavenly Father?" And I came up with a lot of personal ways that I can improve my relationship with Heavenly Father. It's different for everyone. Some of the ways that I have been thinking about involve more personal study and prayer. They involve writing in my journal, updating my blog...things that mean a lot to me, and are ways that help me think and ponder about my life, and about the Lord.

I think that as I am doing all of these things to begin to improve my relationship with Heavenly Father, all of the things that I have been struggling with, and that have stressed me out recently, my problems won't go away, but I will have the Lord with me, and I will be able to overcome them. As I serve those around me, I will be blessed with the capacity to love more and be more patient. My attitude, personality, and temper will improve, and I will have better mental health.

Xoxo
Mattie

A year of changes, learning, and growth.

So, the last couple of months/weeks, the main thing in my life that I have been focusing on is my finances. I have been working on trying to budget and save money so that I can stop living from paycheck to paycheck every few weeks when I have random expenses come up. I also want to build up a significant savings account for future unexpected incidents/expenses. I keep getting interrupted by life, and I keep discovering other ways to track my money and budget, so I haven't entirely gotten very far yet. 😂

However, this has yet to deter me, as I keep trying to make notes of my finances. I think that I have been underestimating the amount of expenses that I actually have to pay every month, and so I keep getting low on funds because I think I have more money to work with than I do. 

I know that, as I have been watching my money usage, I have been blessed. I know that as I have paid my tithing first and foremost, I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life. Because somehow...even when I have thought that I didn't have enough...I figured out a way to make it work. 

I'm grateful for the little lessons in life, and for the little tender mercies. God has really been so good to me this year, I honestly can't even comprehend it. This year has probably been one of the craziest years in that I've had probably the greatest number of changes occurring in my life this year than in previous years, which has resulted in the greatest number of changes and the greatest amount of growth to myself. 

Xoxo

Mattie

That's the point!

This week, I was on a spiritual high from last weekend. General Conference is my favorite time of the year, and I'm so glad we have two conferences every year! I am very excited that the talks are now on the Gospel Library App so I can study them in preparation for next conference!

I was teaching my kiddos how to play "Pin the tail on the (Puppy)" (this week our theme was 'pets'; hence, the 'puppy' instead of 'donkey'), and as I was blindfolding one of my kids, he says to me, "I can't see!" I said, "That's the point." Later, when it was my turn, I said something similar to "I can't see" and he says, "That's the point!" And all the rest of my kiddos chime in with, "That's the point!" And I about died laughing! These kids are so funny and make me laugh every day!

As I was thinking about that experience this weekend, I had a thought. I was thinking about the Gospel, and how trials are really hard, and learning and growing as a person are really hard, and that thought came to my mind again, "That's the point!" The point of this life is to experience trials, and to learn and grow. The point of this life is to love God, and love your neighbors. The point of this life is to make the world a better place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm full of gratitude for this last week. General Conference was amazing, and I've had a fairly amazing week at work. I'm trying to figure out what I'm wanting with my life, and how I can improve myself. I've recently started re-reading the Book of Mormon, and I want to be done by Christmas. It has helped me every day that I've read a chapter or two. I've been calmer, happier, and more at peace as I've read my scriptures each day this week. I'm grateful for the messages of General Conference last week, and I'm grateful for the chance that I have to re-read, listen to, or watch the sessions again for the next six months. I am really hoping that I can become a better person as I keep reading my scriptures every day, and as I study the talks from this last conference. 

I am trying to remember every day to be better. To be more patient, loving, and kind. To let go of the little things that are inconsequential and don't matter. It's hard when I don't understand the why behind things, and I think that doesn't help me be more patient and kind. 

I'm grateful for a God who gives me love and peace when I need it, and even when I don't know that I need it. I'm grateful for a God who reminds me that there is more to this life than meets the eye, and of that wonderful plan that He has in store for me. 

Xoxo

Mattie