Friends are blessings.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have had such a fantastic weekend!! Which is perfect, since the past couple weeks have been kind of hard for me. On Friday night, I went bowling on a date, and it was super fun!! Saturday afternoon I babysat my friend's baby and it was so fun even though she didn't really do anything and I just held her the whole time (my arms, by the way, are dead/dying from the combination of bowling/baby-holding, but it was totally worth it because bowling was fun and she's super cute and I just love babies). 

Aaaaanyway. Church today was also pretty phenomenal. My thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly just grateful ones. I am just so thankful that my Heavenly Father blesses me with the greatest friends.

I am so grateful for amazing friends! There's nothing like them. They love me, care for me, think of me, and help carry me through hard and tough times. I am so blessed! They tell me things I need to hear, and it always comes from who I needed to hear it from. I'm so thankful that God knows me, and knows what I need. I'm grateful, too, for opportunities that I have to get together with friends that I don't get to see all that often. I'm thankful for a new week, and the chance to start over again. It's the last week before school starts for me, and I'm ready! Nervous, yes, but ready. 

Sacrament meeting was awesome! Jared said something today that I loved. He said something like, "God loves us, and understands, and knows that we can make it through." I think we remember this but forget it. By that, I mean that we subconsciously remember and know that He loves us and understands, and knows that we can make it through, but sometimes we consciously forget it until it's brought to our remembrance.
Our high councilman spoke to us today, too, and he said something that I loved and kind of needed to hear today. He said, "Life is not suspended when you're single." He said that all the things we're supposed to be doing now–reading our scriptures, praying, serving, etc.–are all things that we're supposed to be doing, regardless of your relationship or marriage status. I totally agreed with him and decided that I'm going to try and live that way. [As I was thinking about that sentence (Life is not suspended when you're single), I thought, "Life goes on," which reminded me of one of the songs we're practicing in choir, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" It's a really pretty song and I'm super excited!]


Gospel Doctrine was pretty amazing today, and Lauren shared this quote from Joseph Smith Jr. that I loved and wanted to share:  "Great blessings await us at this time, and will soon be poured out upon us, if we are faithful in all things, for we are even entitled to greater spiritual blessings than they [the faithful at the time of Christ] were, because they had Christ in person with them, to instruct them in the great plan of salvation. His personal presence we have not, therefore we have need of greater faith." I just really liked this quote. We have so many blessings that await us! As long as we are faithful, we'll be able to receive them in due time. God will bless us for our efforts, and He will guide us and be there as we go through hard times.

Relief Society was wonderful! Props to my roommate Kiera for her awesome lesson. :) 
The topic for today was, "Each of us can do hard things as we involve the Savior in our lives." We started off with a question:
Why do we go through trials? 
Some answers that we gave were:
-We appreciate things more if we have worked for them. So, by working hard to be who we are meant to be, we will appreciate who we become more than if we just were handed that portion of ourself.
-They encourage us to draw closer to our Savior. I know that, personally, when things get super hard, I tend to turn to my Savior more often.
-Trials help us see who we've always been. Trials put us through the refiner's fire, and it's just polishing us up, burning out the imperfections. We've always been a child of God.
-To help us empathize. I know that sometimes it's hard for other people to empathize with others, but if we've gone through similar experiences, it tends to bring us closer together.

And then added a second:
Why don't we involve the Savior in our trials?
-It's hard to ask for help. Sometimes, asking for help makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel like I'm not strong enough, or that I'll be seen as a weak person for asking for help.
-We think we don't deserve it. Sometimes I feel dumb for asking for help for things that I'm going through because I know that sometimes they were brought upon myself, and sometimes I don't think I'm worth it.
-My struggles aren't as bad as someone else's. This one is a big one for me. I sometimes don't ask for help because I know that there are other people who have challenges that are worse than mine, and I don't feel like I should ask for help; I should be able to deal with it on my own because it's not that bad.

"If it's important to you, it's important to me." If we struggle with it, and it's important to us, it's important to Him, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. We are all different people, and we all struggle with different things–sometimes we struggle with the same or similar things but in different ways, and that's okay, too.

We need to allow the Savior to help us. Sometimes it's hard, but it's also worth it. It's worth having His help. It's worth not going through it alone. Having someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel, and who knows how I've been struggling with certain parts of the situation, is SO HELPFUL. It makes me feel like I'm not alone–which I'm not–and it makes me feel like I'm valued, and important–which I am. This past month (August) has been really hard for me. I had my first breakup, and it was really hard, and I didn't really understand, and I just wasn't sure it was ever going to get better. But as I've talked with my friends, and turned to my Savior, I've been able to work through it. They've been so helpful and supportive. And yeah, my roommates and friends were right. It is getting better. Somedays it's still hard, but this weekend has been awesome. I think that baby-holding is therapeutic–for me, at least. :)

Heavenly Father blesses me every day. I am so thankful for Him. Nothing makes me feel better than to know and realize that my Heavenly Father loves me so much, He sends me awesome friends, and He sends me amazing messages of love through those friends. What a blessing my friends are. And what a blessing my Savior is to me. I am so thankful to call Him my friend. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Just what I needed.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days, and today during the sacrament this was something that I really thought I should share:

Sometimes letting go is hard. But I know that sometimes it is better than holding on. It's like that analogy of holding on or clinging to the rope. It is more painful than letting go. And I know the struggle–I know it is SO HARD to let go. But sometimes holding on is just too painful, and you have to let go, otherwise you're going to be miserable and unhappy forever. And eventually, you will find something better to replace what you've lost. I ask God every day to help me let go of things that are hurting me, and to guide me to something better. I have faith that He will, and that He is. 

I saw this picture on Facebook last night that I loved:

And I shared it with this thought (that, to be honest, was sort of the inspiration for my thoughts today during the sacrament): "Sometimes it's hard to have charity. Being patient is hard. Being kind can be hard. What's also hard is realizing that you can have charity towards those who have done you wrong, but that doesn't mean that you condone their actions or that you let them keep hurting you. Sometimes forgiving them and letting them go is the hardest part, but it will be better for you in the long run." 

The choir sang in sacrament today! It went pretty well, considering we were sorely lacking in women's voices. Hopefully as people move in, we will get a few more ladies.

The topic for sacrament meeting today was the power of prayer. There were a couple of things that were said that either I loved, or brought a cool new insight to prayer that I thought I'd share:
-Real intent means that you have to be willing to work for what you asked God for. 
-Power in our life comes from the relationship we have with God.
-We can overcome (anything) with the power of prayer.
-You can't have a personal relationship with Heavenly Father without prayer.

Sunday School was awesome today and just what I needed! Which will be odd once you know what the topic of the lesson was on: marriage. I know, I know–what a weird lesson for a single Mattie to have needed. But Clarissa used a lot of quotes from President Hinckley, and focused on the fact that we are just as needed, and important to our Heavenly Father. Being single is just a word. We're still people. We're not less because we're single. Everyone–everyone–is different. But! We're all striving to become someone. And we are all needed. There are so many people who need us. Don't think for a moment that you aren't needed, because that is not true at all. Your point of view is needed in this world.

Relief Society was also fabulous and just what I needed! We talked about learning and education! Which I have honestly been struggling with a little bit, but just hearing that we as women are told specifically that we, too, should get an education, was great. Someone also said today that, "We have more capacity [to learn] than we realize." I loved that. Sometimes we all falter and struggle because we think that we can only learn so much, or go so far, but that's not true! We can do SO MUCH more than we could possibly imagine!

I'm grateful for the lessons today. They were just what I needed to hear! I'm grateful to my Father in Heaven who hears my prayers and answers them. I'm grateful for friends who listen to the Spirit and prepare what God needs them to.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sweet is the peace.

First things first, I'm now officially the ward choir director! I'm nervous but excited! It should be really fun. :) I love music and am excited to challenge myself in directing our choir to sing and really feel the message of the songs we will be performing, and share their testimonies and the Spirit with our ward. I've never legitimately led anyone in anything, so this will be a fun experience.

It's been a tough week for me, starting with the fact that I picked up two shifts last week and this week, and so I worked a lot more than normal (and I will work more the week after, as well) so I'm really tired; and I've got some personal things going on in my life that threw me off emotionally and made me question several things. But! My friends and family are the greatest and have been super supportive, patient, and loving, which has been such a blessing. I thank God every day for them, and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. ❤️❤️

Life is weird. One minute, life's going great–you're coasting in coolness–and the next thing you know, SPLAT!! You've hit a wall, and are no longer coasting in coolness. In fact, you're no longer coasting at all–you're just existing, meandering aimlessly, trying to find yourself again, or trying to find a meaning to all that is going on in your life. And you're just sort of stuck.

I've been there–several times–and I know how hard it is, and how it feels, and it's not always the greatest feeling. Sometimes, I've just felt kind of "Blah" about it, but sometimes it's made me feel really sad, or stressed, and I haven't really known how to fix it, or what to do about it. Sometimes I've just avoided doing anything about it for awhile, and just tried to move on with my life. Sometimes that doesn't work. I try to listen to music, specifically to help calm me, and bring the Spirit, and that always helps. What helps the most, though, is prayer–turning to my Heavenly Father. Sometimes the answer or help doesn't come right away, but what does come always is peace. Peace that things will work out, peace that I will be fine, and peace that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and peace that I am where I am supposed to be. And oh how sweet is the peace!

I'm grateful for the peace that the Lord gives me in times of hardship, heartache, and sorrow, but also for the peace that He gives me when I'm doing the right things, and when I'm blessing other people's lives. There is no greater joy to me than sharing the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior with those around me, in whatever way, whether that be service, music, or just spending time with them and listening. I hope and pray every day that I am able to help someone feel the love of their Savior when they need it.

School is starting for many soon, and I just want to wish you all luck!! I know that everything will be all right, and that you will be blessed as you turn to your Father in Heaven for help and guidance.

Xoxo
Mattie

Tune my heart to sing thy grace.

It's been a pretty great weekend! Loved the messages in church, and I got to visit with my family yesterday, so that was fun! I was able to think about how grateful I am for my family today during the sacrament.

I am so grateful for my family. I went home Friday night so I could do some things in my room on Saturday and it was so great to spend time with my family! I'm grateful that we get to be together forever! I'm grateful that Jesus Christ died and was resurrected so that we can be resurrected someday, and live forever with our families. I am blessed to have an amazing family, and I love them and am so grateful for them. They make life better.

In Sunday School, we talked about building the kingdom of God. We talked about how the Saints were told to build a temple in Jackson, Missouri, but were unable to finish it because they were driven out. And we read in Doctrine and Covenants 124:49-53 that the Lord basically said because they were commanded, and tried to fulfill, even though they failed because of outside circumstances, the Lord accepts their offer (of what they completed before they were hindered). Which is so cool! Think about it–if God asks you to do something, and you try your best, but fail, God accepts what you've done! That is so amazing! The Lord is more worried about your effort and the direction you are heading, not about what you've completed. He's also more focused on the journey that you are taking, and the path that you are on. He judges us on our hearts, and our intentions. And He helps us become who He not only knows we can become, but needs us to be.

In Relief Society, we talked about covenants, and Margaret said something about what she thinks covenants are that I loved. She said, "Covenants are the path from where I am to where I want to be." I thought that was great. I think covenants are a promise of a better me; a guide to a path where I can be better, and become like God. Jane shared a quote from President Nelson that I loved: "We need women who are devoted to shepherding God's children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation, who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment; women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; women who teach fearlessly." I loved this quote! We have so much potential, and the capacity to not only be great, but have a great influence on the world.

In choir today, we practiced for our number in the fireside tonight. We're singing 'Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing', and I am conducting it. We took a little time today to talk about what this song means to us, and we talked about how much the Atonement means to us, and how much Jesus Christ does for us. The line, "Bind my wandr'ing heart to thee" was talked about; even when we stray, Jesus Christ is right there for us when we return. He's our Savior, and He loves us. And He will always be there for us. I'm so grateful for Him, and so grateful for all of the help that He has given to me in my life, and for all that He does for me. He has helped me grow, and change for the better. I feel like I am closer to Him than I have ever been, and I am more in tune and at peace with how my life is going right now. I am grateful to live in and go to school in a place where I can speak of Him and no one bats an eye because they all love and believe in Him, too.

Xoxo
Mattie

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I loved church today!! There were lots of great messages today but I am going to focus on two sets of thoughts I had today. The first during the sacrament, and the second during Sunday School.

"Thy will, O Lord, be done." That was the last line of the sacrament hymn. I know we want things to happen in our own way and time. I know–there are so many things I want right now. But I'm learning to let go, and be patient, and take things one step at a time (like in this song). Things will happen when they're meant to happen. And actually, this topic reminds me of something I said on Facebook a year ago: "Dreams are crushed. Hopes are dashed. Life is shattered. But only when you put them on your 'this is going to happen this way' pedestal and wish for it to be that specific way only. When you give a little room for them to grow and develop, dreams are built. Hopes are known. Life is changed."  Life is honestly no fun if you're always stressed and worried about things you can't control. And I know it's hard to not, but I've learned that by taking things one day at a time, and focusing on the present, it's easier to not be stressed and worried. It's not like the stress and worries goes away–and I'm sure there will always be parts of me that are stressed and worried–but for now, I'm trying to tame them. It's been hard, but I've been able to depend on my Savior, who strengthens me, and my Heavenly Father, and They've sent me people to help my life not be so stressful, and to help make life more fun and enjoyable. Life certainly isn't perfect, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

In Sunday School we talked about trials, and where God is when we're struggling, and it reminded me of this quote that Chris shared in his talk during the sacrament. It's by C.S. Lewis, and I'm sure you've heard it before: "Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny." Someone in class said, 'trials make you bitter or better.' You get to decide. Clarissa asked what our hardest trial was, and what we learned or gained from it. I said that, in my hardest and greatest trial, I not only found God, but I found love. One of the reasons that the trial started was because I didn't feel like I was loved. I just didn't feel like I was loved or important. Through this trial, however, I came to realize who I was. Who I am. How valued and important I am. And I not only found the love of God and my Savior for me, but also the love of friends and family. Which are all important, but most importantly I found love for myself, and even though I still struggle sometimes, I am learning to love myself, and love who I am. It's not perfect, and some days I forget, but I am trying. And I do love myself. I love who I am. I love my quirks. I know people don't understand or follow me most of the time, but I'm learning to not focus on that, and to just be me. Because even if they don't understand, they still accept me, and they still love me. Which is the most important thing–having friends who accept me and love me for who I am.

I am blessed. I'm blessed to have been through all sorts of things that have helped me see what is important to me, and that have helped me see who I am. I'm grateful to have struggled, and learned how to be patient, and how to grow. I'm grateful to have been able to grow closer to my Savior. I'm grateful to have been able to learn from my mistakes. Sometimes I wonder if there was any other way I could have gained these lessons, because it has been the hardest trial of my life, and I am not sure if I will ever fully be free from it, but I do know that there were a couple things that I wouldn't have learned without it, and there are things I wouldn't be able to understand or stand for without it. So I wouldn't have it any other way, and I am grateful. For what I've learned, and for who I've become. I'm stronger, and I've grown closer to my Savior than I ever have been. I've learned to love people more–for and despite their faults and flaws, because I've been in such deep trenches that I couldn't see the light of day, and all I wanted most days was someone to love me, and show that they cared. And so I want to be that person for others. I don't want anyone to feel like I did. Like they weren't loved. Weren't important. Weren't valued. Weren't wanted. Because they're not. They ARE loved. Important. Valued. Wanted. Just like me.

Xoxo
Mattie

From ashes to beauty.

I had a few questions that were answered in church today. The first was answered when we were singing the sacrament hymn, but I didn't fully realize it until afterwards when I was reflecting on the words of the hymn:

The sacrament hymn today was "Reverently and Meekly Now", which is one of my favorites. One line in particular stood out to me today as I've been sitting here pondering. "E'en forgiven now by me." This song is sung from the point of view of the Savior, and I desperately needed that message today from Him. It brought peace to my heart and I'm grateful that that specific hymn was chosen today, for I needed its message: "Oh forgive, as thou wouldst be E'en forgiven now by me." Forgiving yourself is really hard, harder than forgiving others, sometimes. But because Christ has forgiven me, I can forgive myself, and start over and try again.

One of the other questions was answered in Gospel Doctrine, and it was a reminder piece of advice that I love. We still get credit for trying. Another thing that was said in class today was that "There is value in doing things, even if you don't reach your goal." Piggybacking off of that a little, I had this thought: sometimes we are asked to (prepare to) go through things, and sometimes we don't end up doing those things because God wanted to see how far we were willing to go. And, sometimes we only needed to go down the path to it, and we didn't need to do it. It's a test of our faith, and our trust in Him.

In Relief Society, we talked about President Monson's talk from the October 2013 General Conference entitled, "I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee". We talked about the Provo Tabernacle fire, that happened in December of 2010, and how the Tabernacle was rebuilt into the Provo City Center Temple. We talked about how it was gutted, and everything inside was burned and gone, but then it was rebuilt to be the new beautiful City Center Temple. This was sort of used as an analogy for us–sometimes we go through fires and trials that burn us because they're meant to help us rebuild who we are, and change who we are to become someone better. We go from ashes to beauty. I've seen that in my life. I've gone through a whole bunch of trials that have burned me, and torn me down, and they hurt, but I've changed because of them, and I've grown. I'm stronger, and more confident. I loved this quote from President Monson's talk: "We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were–better than we were, more understanding than what we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had." We talked about how God will bless us in His own time, which is true, but do we believe that He will? Do we choose Him above all else? Do we thank Him for loving us enough to cut us down? For allowing us to change and grow? He knows what we need to do/be, and He knows how to get us there.

My home teachers came today, and they talked about enduring our trials well, and how one of the blessings of enduring our trials well is that other people will be more comfortable around us, because we'll be happier. And I said, basically, that even though I've kind of been having trouble feeling the Spirit lately, I have still been able to look back and see Heavenly Father's hand in my life. I've still been able to see the blessings He's sent me as I've been going through some trials. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that I can still see His blessings. I'm grateful that I can still feel Him.

Xoxo
Mattie

Heading in the right direction.

It's been quite a crazy week. I've been doing a lot of thinking, what with my new job, thoughts of changing my major (again), and other things that have been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. Some of the things that have been going on have sorted themselves out, or given me a temporary solution or plan to move forward. Others have not, however, and I was wondering why until Wednesday night, when I received a blessing. Tuesday I wasn't feeling all that great–I had a stomachache, and actually it's been bothering me on and off for a couple weeks–and slept most of the day before work. Wednesday wasn't much better either, so I asked my friend if he could give me a blessing. Something he said has stuck with me. All my stresses/worries–what I'm going through–are to help me progress and grow. Now, he wasn't necessarily talking about me being sick–I've got a lot more going on in my life than that–but it was a needed reminder. Even though I know that what I go through is to help me grow and learn, I thought that some of the things I am going through right now were brought on by me, and by things I did. It's good to know that–even if that is true–they're to help me be better, and become who I need to be, and who God needs me to be.

I'm not sure when I realized it, but recently I've been thinking that God has been telling me to be patient and trust Him. Just with all that is going on, and all of the uncertainty with decisions I've been trying to make, I feel like He's been telling me to let go and trust Him. It's been really hard sometimes, because I'm not the best at being patient, and I hate not knowing the answers, but it's been good for me. I've been able to find and feel a lot of peace, especially as I've asked for blessings and gone to the temple.

I've also noticed lately that I've been more quiet, more "sit-down-by-myself" or more "sit-with-someone-new", and more of a listener. Which isn't bad at all, but it has been interesting to see how that has changed how I interact with my friends. I've been trying to be more respectful, and I've been trying to interact with all of my friends, not just my normals. :)

I hope that I am a different person now than I was at the beginning of the summer. I'm still working on a whole bunch of things, and some of them are going better than others, but I still have a little bit of the summer to go as I try and become a better version of me. Some of the changes that have occurred have made me feel at ease with myself and in certain social situations. I have faith that I can do everything that I've been hoping to do this summer, and that I can become whom I want to and feel like I need to be.

I'm grateful for my Savior. He has been so constant, and so kind to me as I am working on my goals. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father. He has sent me circumstances that I needed to go through and people that I needed to meet in order to help me change. It's comforting to know that He is watching out for me, and sees who I can become, and is helping me to become her. Sometimes I think she is so far away, but some days...some days, I think I can see her. And that brings me joy, because it means I'm going in the right direction.

I hope you've had a wonderful Sabbath Day and that you have a great week!

Xoxo
Mattie