Humility is having self-compassion.

I'm grateful for the rain! Yeah, it's cold, and wet, but it's peaceful and means it's time for sweater weather! Ready to read some thoughts I've been having lately? Sweet–let's go!

So grateful for the opportunity to listen to/watch the General Women's Session of Conference last night! It was a wonderfully uplifting session! SO excited for General Conference next weekend! I'm also grateful for the weekend that I've had, alone though I was. My roommates all went to a Relief Society overnight trip our ward was having. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to cover for me. Anyway, I did have fun, and I learned some things. For example, I learned there is a medicine that sufficiently helps me feel better when I've had a headache all week and its intensity worsened on Saturday (grateful my coworker had some!). I also learned a lot from the conference session last night. While I was listening to Sister Eubank's talk on the way home from work, I had an amazing and profound thought that has been growing for a few weeks now: "Being humble doesn't mean you can degrade yourself or believe you have a negative self worth." Something she said just sparked that thought, and I'm so grateful it did because it was something I've needed to hear for awhile. I'm also grateful for my Savior, who blessed me this week and weekend, and for the fact that, as I've followed my new therapist's advice to be more self-compassionate, and as I've been reading my scriptures and praying more consistently, my week has just been so much better! Despite the headaches, and the crazy week, overall it was just better than last week. I was less stressed, and less anxious, and less depressed. I'm grateful for that experience. It gives me hope for the future. :)

I went to Gospel Principles today, and today we talked about Jesus Christ. There were honestly just a lot of really great things that were said about Him, so I'm just going to list them:
-Jesus should be relatable. Someone we trust to talk to.
-God has never asked for anything but faith from us.
-Christ loves us for who we are right now. He'll turn our weaknesses to strengths. He takes what we already are and turns us into a better version of ourselves.
-You are ENOUGH.
-Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy.

Relief Society was awesome! My roommates were teaching today :)
-One thing that Dahlia said that I really liked was that, "Only a perfect person can really see all our imperfections." She said something about how you know how much you've grown or learned when you look back, and see how little you knew way back when. And only Jesus Christ can really see all our imperfections. Sure, we know we're imperfect. But we don't know just how imperfect we are because we ourselves are not perfect.
-God wants us to be happy was repeated again, but also it's just such a true statement. God wants us to be happy, no matter who we are, or where we are in life.

I was bearing my testimony after the lesson, and I said, "Humility is having self-compassion." Humility is learning to love yourself as you are. Humility isn't, as I've said, 'degrad[ing] yourself or believ[ing] you have a negative self worth.' Humility is learning to love and accept yourself–flaws and all. It is something that I have been struggling with, but I have been working on it, and it has made me happier. Praying and reading my scriptures daily, or more daily, has also really helped. Together, working on these little things has made me happier, and brought more peace into my life. I challenge you to do the same. You don't have to work on them all at the same time, like I am, but I promise you that you will be blessed in your efforts.

Xoxo
Mattie

Turn to Him.

Why?
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Why do we procrastinate important things in our lives?
Why do we struggle with change?
Why do we struggle with decisions?
Why do we care so much about what others think?
Or say?
Or do?
Why do we stress and worry about things we literally can't control?
Why do we worry about the future instead of focusing on the here and now?

I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced these feelings. I'm sure you probably have, to some degree. I've been thinking about it a lot this week. And I realized some of the answers a little bit. Because we're concerned with the world. Or we're concerned with the future (which, in and of itself, is not a bad thing, but sometimes we take it too far). Or we think we're not good enough, we're not as good as so and so. Or sometimes we just care about other people, and their opinions are important to us, and so we care about their opinions of us. As a society, we care a lot about appearances. We care a lot about making the right decisions for our future now. Or we have a lot of things due (or to do) on the same day and we can't figure out which ones to focus on and we struggle with focusing on them and getting them done. And that can be stressful. Life is stressful. Friendships, relationships, dating, school–it's all stressful. But I was thinking about something in sacrament meeting today that kind of helped me relax and calm down a little.

It's been a crazy busy week, but somehow I made it through. Grateful for my Savior, who has blessed me, I know. Grateful for the chances I've had to study my scriptures almost every day this week. Grateful for all of the homework I've been able to finish. I was really stressed this week and wanted to just not do anything because I had so much to do but I needed to do my homework. I also didn't think I had time to study my scriptures because I've had papers to write, and assignments to read. But I paused, and took the time to study, and ponder, and pray, and I am so glad I did. That is the reason I was able to get through this week. Because I took the time to speak to, and listen for my Heavenly Father. And because I did that, He blessed me. I've struggled trying to focus this week because I've had so many papers to work on, but the last couple of days I've been able to focus more, and get a little bit more done. It's hard to focus on one paper when you have multiple papers all due on the same day, but, a President Monson has said, and that I have found to be true this week, "Life is hard by the yard. By the inch, it's a cinch!" I know that as we slow down, and take things one project or paper at a time, we will be able to focus, and progress, and get things done in a timely manner. I also know that as we take time to study our scriptures, we will find time to do all the things we have to do.

Taking time for the spiritual things might seem like a waste of time sometimes, but once you do, you will realize that you will have the ability, focus, and time to do all of the things you want to and need to do. You will be blessed with strength and will be able to concentrate on your tasks at hand.

Sister Maughan said some awesome things in her talk in sacrament meeting today! I just wanted to share a couple of things that we can do to come to Christ:
-We need to be all in.
-We need to stand up on the inside.
-Pray daily. Develop a relationship with your Father in Heaven and His Son.
-Learn to love the scriptures and study them.
-Heavenly Father is watching over us. Sometimes we need to experience things for ourselves. We are more capable than we know.

Bishop had some amazing things to say, too! He talked about prayers and answers, and also about trials and how to deal with them. He said that we increase our faith by fasting for a purpose and having meaningful prayers. He also said that faith is an important ingredient in prayer. Sometimes we just need to move forward in life though. Every individual is responsible for their own happiness, he said. Cultivate a spirit of happiness, and don't belittle or blame yourself. Believe in yourself, and your capacity to do things. Sometimes we just don't receive answers to prayers, but we need to keep moving forward.

Megan said something great in her lesson today. She said something to the effect of, "God is always there for us. Just because we can't see him sometimes doesn't mean He's not there. It's up to us to find Him in our lives. Every time we take the time to look for Him, we'll find Him."

I've been trying to take some time for me lately. I have kind of been feeling...not lost, exactly...but like I'm wandering, floating in the vast space of 'being' (which, I mean, I guess is true, since we're all floating in space, but that's not the way that I meant it). I feel like I'm struggling to fit in. And I mean, I have friends, and it's great fun, but I just feel a little bit out of place, and like I'm just not socializing enough. Anyway, I've decided that I need to find myself (Again. I keep forgetting, and losing myself, apparently. Or I just need to be a different me every school year. Either that, or I just have not really found myself). And I need to focus. I have been struggling with focusing lately. I don't know why that is, but I do know that it has been better when I've been studying my scriptures, and praying, and getting sleep. When all of my papers were just kind of dropped on me like a bomb, it was bad. I was worrying, and worrying, and I was jumping from paper to paper because I couldn't focus on any of them, and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to talk about, or how I wanted to talk about it (for being someone who loves writing and talking, sometimes I sure don't know what to say). But about midway through the week, something happened, and I just felt a whole lot better. I don't know what it was, but after Wednesday/Thursday morning, I've been able to focus just a little better. I'm grateful for the peace that I've had this weekend. It's been a little stressful, too, but mostly I've been feeling a lot better about my papers, and my schoolwork. Life is so hard, and can be so difficult and stressful, but I know that when we turn to God, and read His words, and listen to His Spirit, we're blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

Life is messy.

Today was our multi-stake conference, and I'm really grateful for the things that I heard today. I definitely needed to hear a lot of the messages today! I'm going to share a few of my favorites. :)

Even though we missed the beginning of Elder Cook's talk, I loved what he said about the Book of Mormon. He said, "There is power in the Book of Mormon." I fully believe it. I am reading the Book of Mormon for my religion class, and it's been a source of peace and comfort, and has given me strength as I've read it.

Sister Franco talked about being of good cheer.
1. Understand that we have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who loves us.
2. Understand that we have a Heavenly Father who gave us commandments to help us be happy.
3. Understand the importance of gratitude in our lives.
4. Understand that service brings joy to our lives.

Elder Uceda said that, "Mighty prayers overcome apathy." He said that mighty prayers are prayers from the heart. My favorite thing he said was, "As we search the scriptures, understanding comes to our mind, and doubts go away."

Elder Stevenson talked about humility, obedience, and virtue.
Humility:
Humility is willingness to submit to the Lord. The opposite of humility is pride, which gives honor to ourselves, it's competitive, and causes us to hold grudges or withhold forgiveness. He said that meekness, humility, and forgiveness are all cousins. I thought that was a great way of showing how closely related they are.

Obedience:
Obedience is the first law of heaven, and an act of faith. It's a safety and protection for us. It brings blessings, and those blessings bring happiness.

Virtue:
Virtue originates in our innermost thoughts. It is a prerequisite to receiving the Spirit's guidance. He said that reduced screen time and increased scripture study may increase virtue. I thought that was really interesting! But also true, I'm sure. I know I'm more focused and attentive when I'm spending a lot more time out doing things (though that's hard to do during the school year, especially when all of your math homework is online).

Diligent efforts can lead to Christlike attributes becoming or being second nature. Our journey to achieve Christlike attributes requires discipline.

He also shared this quote from Howard W. Hunter: "Mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again." 

I loved this quote so much! I think sometimes we often forget the beauty and grace that is around us. We forget how awesome it is to lift someone's spirits. We forget how beautiful the earth around us is. We forget who loves us. We forget how blessed we truly are, and we forget that those blessings will always come.

This week was the first week of school for me, and I honestly struggled a bit. The first day was fine, but after the second day, when I was looking to the homework I needed to do, I got overwhelmed at all of the homework I was going to have over the whole semester for all of my classes and I kind of had a panic attack. Friday was a little bit better, but Saturday was a giant mess, because I worked from 8-4 and then the football game was Saturday night and it was a struggle getting into the game. But my friends and I made it, and it was fun watching the game with them.

I realized some things about myself this week, and this weekend, and I really need to work on a couple of things. I'm kind of nervous, just because I hate adding to my pile of things to do, but I'm hoping that I can just work them into my life and not specifically have to worry about them or deal with it. It'll just kind of...be a part of my life, and exist. Except life is messy, so that might not happen.  But! I have God on my side, and He knows where I am going, and what I need to do to get there. So, even though things might not happen the way I plan or want them to, things will happen, and I will grow, and change, and become who I need to be.

I hope you have had a great Sunday and weekend! I hope you've learned some things, and made some goals to improve. There's always room for improvement. I am grateful for my Savior, who is always willing to help me improve and progress. I'm grateful for friends, and family, who are always willing to listen, and always willing to help. I'm grateful for new experiences, difficult times, and trials that help me stretch and grow, and get out of my comfort zone. I've never really said this before, but I'm grateful for emotions, and feelings, and the fact that I get to feel so deeply. Sometimes it's hard, and painful, and messy, and I just want to not feel so intensely, but the painful times are worth all the happy and joyous ones that I experience so often. God is good, and I am blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

He has been listening.

It's been an exciting week! I got a haircut, had my last day of work at catering (and got a small cake), and found my class ring! I was thinking today during the sacrament about what a blessing it was finding my ring, and what such a simple experience taught me:

You know that feeling you get when you lose something of value and importance to you? I misplaced my class ring earlier this month (I say earlier this month, but I mean early last month, in August) and have been looking and praying fervently for the past few weeks that I would find it. I thought I'd lost it in the Wilk (or, even worse, that I'd accidentally thrown it away). I was terrified and sad. Anyway, I went to the eye doctor on Thursday and took my glasses, and when I got home from work later that evening, set them on my bedside table (which is their normal spot). When I went to open it while I was getting ready for bed, there was my ring!! Not sure how it got there, or when, or what even happened because I have been using my glasses a lot lately this past month, and I am almost positive that it wasn't there before, but I'm just so grateful!! What a testimony builder! I been praying for other things lately, and I now know with a surety that God has been listening. In addition to that, this past summer I've kind of been struggling to feel the Spirit, and feel His presence. I just have felt alone and a little bit lost. I haven't felt like He has been listening to me, or answering. But now I know He has been listening. I know that He is guiding you, He is blessing you, He is watching you, and He is listening to you. You might not always feel Him, but I promise you that He is there. 

In Gospel Principles today, we talked about God and the Godhead. We focused on how God is our FATHER. Of all the roles and titles He has, and could have chosen to focus on, He asked us to call Him Father. And oh, how loving a father He is! He presides and provides for us. He is invested in our future. Not only that, but He is invested in US. Whether or not we believe in Him–whether or not we are a member of His church–He cares about us and wants what is best for us. He helps us recognize who we are. For the last couple of weeks in church, at some point, someone has brought up the parable of the refiner's fire, and becoming pure silver. Well, the silver was always silver, just impure. Just like we've always been a child of God, just imperfect. Through our trials, Heavenly Father helps us see who we always have been. We need to be open and honest with Him. And He will be open and honest (as much as He can) with us.

Relief Society was amazing today! So sad to see the Durfeys go, but I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful lessons that they've taught me! Sister Durfey talked about how we're all the same, and we're not alone. Yeah, we all go through different experiences, but we're not alone. We have friends who are going through similar experiences, or have gone through similar experiences. And we have a Heavenly Father who loves us, and knows us. He uses us to help others be able to feel His love for them. Sister Durfey also said today during the lesson something that I absolutely LOVED: "I wasn't given trials, I was given a blessing that came with trials." I loved that!! I can't even think of anything to follow it with. :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Friends are blessings.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have had such a fantastic weekend!! Which is perfect, since the past couple weeks have been kind of hard for me. On Friday night, I went bowling on a date, and it was super fun!! Saturday afternoon I babysat my friend's baby and it was so fun even though she didn't really do anything and I just held her the whole time (my arms, by the way, are dead/dying from the combination of bowling/baby-holding, but it was totally worth it because bowling was fun and she's super cute and I just love babies). 

Aaaaanyway. Church today was also pretty phenomenal. My thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly just grateful ones. I am just so thankful that my Heavenly Father blesses me with the greatest friends.

I am so grateful for amazing friends! There's nothing like them. They love me, care for me, think of me, and help carry me through hard and tough times. I am so blessed! They tell me things I need to hear, and it always comes from who I needed to hear it from. I'm so thankful that God knows me, and knows what I need. I'm grateful, too, for opportunities that I have to get together with friends that I don't get to see all that often. I'm thankful for a new week, and the chance to start over again. It's the last week before school starts for me, and I'm ready! Nervous, yes, but ready. 

Sacrament meeting was awesome! Jared said something today that I loved. He said something like, "God loves us, and understands, and knows that we can make it through." I think we remember this but forget it. By that, I mean that we subconsciously remember and know that He loves us and understands, and knows that we can make it through, but sometimes we consciously forget it until it's brought to our remembrance.
Our high councilman spoke to us today, too, and he said something that I loved and kind of needed to hear today. He said, "Life is not suspended when you're single." He said that all the things we're supposed to be doing now–reading our scriptures, praying, serving, etc.–are all things that we're supposed to be doing, regardless of your relationship or marriage status. I totally agreed with him and decided that I'm going to try and live that way. [As I was thinking about that sentence (Life is not suspended when you're single), I thought, "Life goes on," which reminded me of one of the songs we're practicing in choir, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" It's a really pretty song and I'm super excited!]


Gospel Doctrine was pretty amazing today, and Lauren shared this quote from Joseph Smith Jr. that I loved and wanted to share:  "Great blessings await us at this time, and will soon be poured out upon us, if we are faithful in all things, for we are even entitled to greater spiritual blessings than they [the faithful at the time of Christ] were, because they had Christ in person with them, to instruct them in the great plan of salvation. His personal presence we have not, therefore we have need of greater faith." I just really liked this quote. We have so many blessings that await us! As long as we are faithful, we'll be able to receive them in due time. God will bless us for our efforts, and He will guide us and be there as we go through hard times.

Relief Society was wonderful! Props to my roommate Kiera for her awesome lesson. :) 
The topic for today was, "Each of us can do hard things as we involve the Savior in our lives." We started off with a question:
Why do we go through trials? 
Some answers that we gave were:
-We appreciate things more if we have worked for them. So, by working hard to be who we are meant to be, we will appreciate who we become more than if we just were handed that portion of ourself.
-They encourage us to draw closer to our Savior. I know that, personally, when things get super hard, I tend to turn to my Savior more often.
-Trials help us see who we've always been. Trials put us through the refiner's fire, and it's just polishing us up, burning out the imperfections. We've always been a child of God.
-To help us empathize. I know that sometimes it's hard for other people to empathize with others, but if we've gone through similar experiences, it tends to bring us closer together.

And then added a second:
Why don't we involve the Savior in our trials?
-It's hard to ask for help. Sometimes, asking for help makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel like I'm not strong enough, or that I'll be seen as a weak person for asking for help.
-We think we don't deserve it. Sometimes I feel dumb for asking for help for things that I'm going through because I know that sometimes they were brought upon myself, and sometimes I don't think I'm worth it.
-My struggles aren't as bad as someone else's. This one is a big one for me. I sometimes don't ask for help because I know that there are other people who have challenges that are worse than mine, and I don't feel like I should ask for help; I should be able to deal with it on my own because it's not that bad.

"If it's important to you, it's important to me." If we struggle with it, and it's important to us, it's important to Him, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. We are all different people, and we all struggle with different things–sometimes we struggle with the same or similar things but in different ways, and that's okay, too.

We need to allow the Savior to help us. Sometimes it's hard, but it's also worth it. It's worth having His help. It's worth not going through it alone. Having someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel, and who knows how I've been struggling with certain parts of the situation, is SO HELPFUL. It makes me feel like I'm not alone–which I'm not–and it makes me feel like I'm valued, and important–which I am. This past month (August) has been really hard for me. I had my first breakup, and it was really hard, and I didn't really understand, and I just wasn't sure it was ever going to get better. But as I've talked with my friends, and turned to my Savior, I've been able to work through it. They've been so helpful and supportive. And yeah, my roommates and friends were right. It is getting better. Somedays it's still hard, but this weekend has been awesome. I think that baby-holding is therapeutic–for me, at least. :)

Heavenly Father blesses me every day. I am so thankful for Him. Nothing makes me feel better than to know and realize that my Heavenly Father loves me so much, He sends me awesome friends, and He sends me amazing messages of love through those friends. What a blessing my friends are. And what a blessing my Savior is to me. I am so thankful to call Him my friend. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Just what I needed.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days, and today during the sacrament this was something that I really thought I should share:

Sometimes letting go is hard. But I know that sometimes it is better than holding on. It's like that analogy of holding on or clinging to the rope. It is more painful than letting go. And I know the struggle–I know it is SO HARD to let go. But sometimes holding on is just too painful, and you have to let go, otherwise you're going to be miserable and unhappy forever. And eventually, you will find something better to replace what you've lost. I ask God every day to help me let go of things that are hurting me, and to guide me to something better. I have faith that He will, and that He is. 

I saw this picture on Facebook last night that I loved:

And I shared it with this thought (that, to be honest, was sort of the inspiration for my thoughts today during the sacrament): "Sometimes it's hard to have charity. Being patient is hard. Being kind can be hard. What's also hard is realizing that you can have charity towards those who have done you wrong, but that doesn't mean that you condone their actions or that you let them keep hurting you. Sometimes forgiving them and letting them go is the hardest part, but it will be better for you in the long run." 

The choir sang in sacrament today! It went pretty well, considering we were sorely lacking in women's voices. Hopefully as people move in, we will get a few more ladies.

The topic for sacrament meeting today was the power of prayer. There were a couple of things that were said that either I loved, or brought a cool new insight to prayer that I thought I'd share:
-Real intent means that you have to be willing to work for what you asked God for. 
-Power in our life comes from the relationship we have with God.
-We can overcome (anything) with the power of prayer.
-You can't have a personal relationship with Heavenly Father without prayer.

Sunday School was awesome today and just what I needed! Which will be odd once you know what the topic of the lesson was on: marriage. I know, I know–what a weird lesson for a single Mattie to have needed. But Clarissa used a lot of quotes from President Hinckley, and focused on the fact that we are just as needed, and important to our Heavenly Father. Being single is just a word. We're still people. We're not less because we're single. Everyone–everyone–is different. But! We're all striving to become someone. And we are all needed. There are so many people who need us. Don't think for a moment that you aren't needed, because that is not true at all. Your point of view is needed in this world.

Relief Society was also fabulous and just what I needed! We talked about learning and education! Which I have honestly been struggling with a little bit, but just hearing that we as women are told specifically that we, too, should get an education, was great. Someone also said today that, "We have more capacity [to learn] than we realize." I loved that. Sometimes we all falter and struggle because we think that we can only learn so much, or go so far, but that's not true! We can do SO MUCH more than we could possibly imagine!

I'm grateful for the lessons today. They were just what I needed to hear! I'm grateful to my Father in Heaven who hears my prayers and answers them. I'm grateful for friends who listen to the Spirit and prepare what God needs them to.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sweet is the peace.

First things first, I'm now officially the ward choir director! I'm nervous but excited! It should be really fun. :) I love music and am excited to challenge myself in directing our choir to sing and really feel the message of the songs we will be performing, and share their testimonies and the Spirit with our ward. I've never legitimately led anyone in anything, so this will be a fun experience.

It's been a tough week for me, starting with the fact that I picked up two shifts last week and this week, and so I worked a lot more than normal (and I will work more the week after, as well) so I'm really tired; and I've got some personal things going on in my life that threw me off emotionally and made me question several things. But! My friends and family are the greatest and have been super supportive, patient, and loving, which has been such a blessing. I thank God every day for them, and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. ❤️❤️

Life is weird. One minute, life's going great–you're coasting in coolness–and the next thing you know, SPLAT!! You've hit a wall, and are no longer coasting in coolness. In fact, you're no longer coasting at all–you're just existing, meandering aimlessly, trying to find yourself again, or trying to find a meaning to all that is going on in your life. And you're just sort of stuck.

I've been there–several times–and I know how hard it is, and how it feels, and it's not always the greatest feeling. Sometimes, I've just felt kind of "Blah" about it, but sometimes it's made me feel really sad, or stressed, and I haven't really known how to fix it, or what to do about it. Sometimes I've just avoided doing anything about it for awhile, and just tried to move on with my life. Sometimes that doesn't work. I try to listen to music, specifically to help calm me, and bring the Spirit, and that always helps. What helps the most, though, is prayer–turning to my Heavenly Father. Sometimes the answer or help doesn't come right away, but what does come always is peace. Peace that things will work out, peace that I will be fine, and peace that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and peace that I am where I am supposed to be. And oh how sweet is the peace!

I'm grateful for the peace that the Lord gives me in times of hardship, heartache, and sorrow, but also for the peace that He gives me when I'm doing the right things, and when I'm blessing other people's lives. There is no greater joy to me than sharing the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior with those around me, in whatever way, whether that be service, music, or just spending time with them and listening. I hope and pray every day that I am able to help someone feel the love of their Savior when they need it.

School is starting for many soon, and I just want to wish you all luck!! I know that everything will be all right, and that you will be blessed as you turn to your Father in Heaven for help and guidance.

Xoxo
Mattie