The most important thing you can do as a human is to LOVE.

***I am apologizing in advance for the scatterbrained nature of this post, but this is just kind of how it happened in my head. I don't entirely know how to fix it but I hope the images help. :)

First and foremost, for those of you who only follow me on my blog, I made a big adult decision this week and I bought my first car!! I'm soo excited to finally have a car, and I'm so excited to be able to not rely on my parents for rides anymore!! It's a cute little Geo Prizm and I'm excited to be able to drive it (just as soon as I get it registered this week). I am finally feeling like I am sort of starting to get ahold of my life, and it's a great feeling. :)

Be yourself.

Okay, so now that that's out of the way, this has been a great week! I have learned a lot and I have come to some conclusions about myself and what I want, and need, and I am excited to move forward from here. One thing that I have learned this week is to just be yourself! I know that this is something that people say all the time, but it really is true! You will 1) be more happy because you don't have to pretend to be a different person, and 2) learn that people need you for who you ARE, not for who you think other people want you to be.

Integrity

Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Integrity is a lot of things, but I think the definition of integrity that I love the most is: integrity is being the same person no matter where you are, or who you are surrounded (or not surrounded) by. If there happens to be two random people who know you, and they get to talking about you, they will be talking about the exact same version of you because you are always yourself, and you are always the same person, no matter the setting. It's important to be honest with others, but it's also important to be honest with yourself. But how can you be honest with yourself if you're not always yourself? Be true to yourself, no matter where you are. 

Struggle

One thing that I was thinking about during Sunday School today as were were discussing the story of Job was that it's okay to struggle. Even Jesus struggled. No one in the whole history of Earth has escaped the trial of struggling with something. Everyone struggles, has struggled, or will struggle with something. We are not perfect, but even He who was the most perfect being on Earth struggled. We are in good company! He knows how we feel! And He will be there for us when we need Him.

You are special.

Sister Larsen read the story "You Are Special" by Max Lucado in Relief Society today. Let me tell you, friends, that this is my ABSOLUTE favorite children's book, but there are several others by Max Lucado that are close seconds and thirds. ANYWAY that is not the point of me mentioning that story. 

For those of you who have never heard this story before, this story is about a town of Wemmicks, who are little wooden people that were created by Eli, the woodworker (you can hear some British guy reading the story here). The Wemmicks all have boxes of little gray dots, and little gold stars, and they put them on other Wemmicks based on their looks, and what they do. There is a little Wemmick named Punchinello who only has gray dots, and he meets this Wemmick named Lucia, who has no stars or dots. He asks her why she has no dots or stars, and she says it is because every day she goes to see Eli, the maker. So Punchinello goes to see Eli one day. And there is where my favorite quotes of all time happen. 

"What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special." 

Punchinello asks, "Why do I matter to you?" Eli replies, "Because you are mine. That's why you matter to me."

"The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers."

"You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

This story is an allegory–its deeper, hidden meaning is that this story represents our relationship with Heavenly Father. We are the Wemmicks, and He is Eli, the woodworker. He made us just the way we are, and He doesn't make mistakes. 

Value

Our value comes from God. We came to Earth with value. It just exists. We can't add to or detract from it. It is simply always there. Just like God's love for us. He loves us deeply, and forever. 

He will help you understand as you turn to Him.

People will always judge us, and give us "stickers" or "labels". But they only stick if we let them. If we turn to God, and trust in Him, and trust in His love, and trust in His ability to create things perfectly (not that we are perfect, He has just made us perfectly), the judgements and opinions of others won't matter quite so much. Eventually, hopefully, they won't matter at all. 

Life is certainly difficult, and we all have things to overcome, but I know that as we turn to God, and trust in Him, life will be easier to deal with. I'm not saying that things will become perfect overnight, or that you'll never have trials or challenges ever again, because that is definitely not true. But what I am saying is that having God on your side, and knowing that He is there to help you, and to lift you, will make things easier to bear. As you turn to Him, and trust in His love, you might not get the answers you want, but don't lose hope. God is there for you, forever and always, and He will not let you down. He is leading you, guiding you, and walking beside you. He's there to help you find your place in this world, and He is there to help you find your path. 

Nothing is more important than your relationship with your Heavenly Father and your Savior. Sadly, people will come and go in your lives–either physically, or socially. Sometimes you will grow apart. Whatever the circumstances are, there is always going to be change in the relationships in your life. However, your Father in Heaven, and your Savior, will always be there for you. Their love for you will never change, and They will always be there for you, even if you go away for awhile. So the most important relationship you can have is with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because They will never leave you. The only way for you to not feel Their love is for you to fall away. But no matter what happens, They will always be there. And you can always come back to Them through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

I am in no way an expert in any of this. These are just my thoughts and feelings. I know life is different for everyone, and everyone has a different relationship with God because not everyone needs the same things from Him. However, I do know that He loves us with all of His heart, and with every fiber of His being. He loves us SO MUCH, I can't even describe to you nor fathom the deepness of His love. 

Love and respect

All we can do, as human beings, is love and respect each other. The most important thing that everyone on Earth needs is love. It really shouldn't be that hard, but sometimes it is. I know–though I love most everyone, sometimes I get frustrated with people. Shocker, I know, but it's true. Sometimes people's actions frustrate me. But I have come to realize that there is NOTHING I can do about it. I can't force people to talk to me when they don't want to, I can't force people to be kind to others, I can't force people to do anything. So I just try to do my best to be myself. I do my best to be kind, and I do my best to not let other people's actions get to me. And I do my best to be as Christlike as possible. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it hurts, especially when people judge without knowing anything about what they are judging. But I try to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can, and that is all that I can do. And I know that (or at least, I hope that) other people are doing the best that they can do, too.

Xoxo
Mattie

"Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heart and soul."

I can't believe that I have only been home from Bear Lake for a week! And I still have two weeks left before I go back to school! What a wild month this has been!

I've had a crazy week, as most everyone has probably had, what with school starting this week and whatnot. But I've been kind of lacking in my daily routines this week. I'm going to try harder this week to set a routine, and to get my body used to waking up earlier, and to get my spiritual fill each morning and evening.

I am actually really excited for school to start! Yesterday I submitted my application for GRADUATION!!!! I can't believe that this is my fourth year of college, and I'm almost done with my Bachelor's Degree!!! It just blows my mind that I have come this far!!!! I thought I would never finish college, and I thought I would never be able to get into a major that I love after I didn't get into the Music program, or the Early Childhood Education program. And yet, here I am, a year and a half after I didn't get into ECE, and I'm going to be graduating with a Bachelor's in Family Life, with an emphasis in Human Development!! I absolutely LOVE my major and I am so ecstatic to be able to head out into the world after I graduate! I don't know what I'll be doing after I graduate, but I do know that I still have time to figure it out.

God has blessed me with strength and determination this summer, and I'm excited to use it. I'm excited to make time for the things that are important to me, and I'm excited to make time for the things that I need in my life. I'm excited to better myself, and I'm excited to take the time that I need to focus on making my life better. I'm also really excited to just focus on my life. My friend shared this quote yesterday and I just fell in love with it because it really resonated with me! It's from Sister Marjorie P. Hinckley, President Gordon B. Hinckley's wife. They were the sweetest couple, and the most amazing examples of how to live your life.

We all have 'assignments' in life. Each period of our life is a different assignment. I love how she says to give your assignments 'your full heart and energy'. Take what life has given you, and jump at it! Anything of worth in this life requires effort. So use your energy, face your challenges head on, and do it with a smile on your face. :)

I'm really, really grateful for the experiences I had this summer. I'm really grateful for the fact that I'm excited for school, and I'm excited to implement changes in my life. I'm grateful for fresh starts and new adventures.

I'm grateful for a God who loves me, and wants what is best for me. I'm grateful for friends who care, and for angels in heaven and on earth.

I'm grateful for a Savior who died for me, and who is always there for me. I'm grateful that He always forgives me, and that He always gives me another chance.

May those of you who are dealing with kids going back to school have a non-stressful week, and may everyone have a wonderful week! Love ya! <3

Xoxo
Mattie

He believes in me.

Camp is over! I am now home! Yesterday was exhausting physically and emotionally. I am so sad to have left all my friends but am so excited to be moving forward with my life. It was a great experience and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I was pondering a question this week. Why do I believe in God? Honestly, I believe in God because He has blessed my life in so many ways. Through the people I have met, and the experiences I've had, I have seen His hand in my life. There have been times I wondered if He was really there, or even listening, but I had faith and hope that He is and was, and somehow that was enough.

I know He is there, and I know He listens. No one knows and loves you better than Him. I believe in God because He believes in me.

I had this thought the other day: Peace comes in many forms. Pain comes in many forms. Sometimes they are one and the same. But no matter what, God will always be there. He will be there to give you peace, and He will be there to help alleviate the pain. It might not always go away, but He will be there to support and lift you.

I honestly don't know how to describe how I know He is there. I just know.

Last week, I had the opportunity to go to the Star Party for the first time all summer, and it was AMAZING!! The sky was so beautiful and the stars were just gorgeous! I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to spend the whole summer at Bear Lake!! It was just such a wonderful experience! Each day was a beautiful adventure! Just look at this view!!

Bear Lake from Camp Hunt - August 11, 2018

I'm so, so, so grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know that He made this summer possible. I know that all of the people that I met this summer were people that I needed in my life. I know that I needed the clarity of mind that comes from being at peace in nature to try and make some goals to help make my life a little better. 

I know that I needed the experience of being accepted COMPLETELY for who I am to give me the confidence that I need to go out into the world and be myself. I know that I was needed by some of the people at camp. I know that everyone needed my (mostly) positive outlook on life, and I know that they all needed the love that I tried to give them. I know that God trusts me, and believes in me. He gave me quite the summer experience in which I did a lot of hard things. He put so many of His children into my life this summer, and He entrusted me with making sure they felt–and feel–loved. I hope I was able to fulfill His expectations of me this summer.

I know that somehow this summer was exactly what I expected, and yet, it was NOTHING like what I expected. And I know that's how God works. We have all these expectations from Him, or from life, and nothing ever goes exactly how we expect it to; except, somehow, having nothing go how we expected it to was exactly what we expected. 

I might not know what this whole next year has in store for me, but I do know this: it's going to be an adventure, and I'm going to have God on my side. 

I hope these last couple weeks before school starts are full of fun for you guys!! I know I'm going to have a lot of fun! 

God loves you, I love you, and YOU MATTER. Don't forget that. You are needed in this world. You give something to this world that no one else can give. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Keep yourself anchored to God.

This week was kinda crazy but only because it's almost the end of the season and I'm so, so, SO tired!!

I had some deep moments this week. I wrote some poems about my summer here, and about my depression, and I was able to get a blessing Friday because of a horrible pain on the back of my head. 

I learned a lot this week, actually. I learned that you give something to this world that no one else can. In the blessing, Brian said that I've given a lot to this camp because of who I am, and the things that I've done, and he said something about the love I've given. After the blessing he also said I've changed a lot this summer. I do know that I have changed in at least a few ways, and I am so, so, SO thankful for this summer!! I'm grateful for this experience and for the love I've been able to feel from my Heavenly Father this summer!! I'm grateful for the people He's put in my life this summer and for the impact they've had on me!!! I hope I've had just as much of an impact on them!! 💜💜💜

I know that I've become more comfortable with being by myself. I also know that I've been working more on my testimony, and I know that God is there. I know that I've been trying to be kinder, and even though I've messed up a lot, I think on the whole I've been better about that. I've been trying to be healthier. I've been trying to better accept and understand myself. I've been trying to grow. I've been trying to be a better person, and I hope that I am at least a better person than I was at the start of the summer. 

I had an amazing experience and couple weeks ago on the Wilderness Survival Overnighter and I wanted to share the thoughts I had before I went to sleep. 

July 26: There is nothing like a peaceful night in the woods in a hammock. A light, cool breeze, the moon shining bright above you, a trickling brook or stream, and crickets off in the distance. So beautiful. A reminder of the existence of God, the beauty of nature, and that all the things I'm stressing about don't really matter in the long run. Life finds a way to correct our mistakes and bring us right where we're supposed to be. I thank God that I'm learning more and more this summer about things I need to improve in and on. He knew I needed this summer...He knew I needed a lot of the staff I've met here. He knew that a lot of them needed me. I don't know why, because I really don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary, but apparently it's a thing. Anyway, God knows what we need. Even when we don't. And sometimes we think He isn't speaking to us, but think about this: what if His way of speaking to you is letting you try and focus, and grow, and make goals, and try to improve yourself, and be kind to others. And sometimes when you look back, you realize He was there. And you realize that He prompted you. Sometimes promptings aren't obvious–sometimes promptings are just quiet little thoughts you have about improving or serving.

I've really been trying to understand this summer. I've really been trying to hear Him. I've been thinking about my plans after I graduate and I really have wanted to hear what He has to say but I haven't heard anything specific yet. And that's okay. I'm going to try to do some research when I get back home and then I'll try again. I know He's listening...I just need to have faith, trust Him, and keep going. 

I've been reading in 1st Nephi (for what seems like forever. I keep forgetting where I am so I think I've been rereading the same spot sometimes 😂) and in chapter 8, which is when Lehi is describing his vision of the Tree of Life, verse 30, Nephi says, "But, to be short in writing {every time I read this, I think, "Too late!" because it reminds me of the movie Clue 😂}, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." The iron rod is the word of God, and as long as we press forward, clinging to His word, we will be okay. I've noticed the last couple weeks that my days are better when I've been reading. I've been trying to read my scriptures in the morning before work, and if that doesn't go as planned, then I'll read before bed. And it has helped me immensely. I've been at peace more, my mornings have gone smoother, and I've been able to feel and see His love every day.

I've been amazed this summer at just how much my Heavenly Father knows me, and knows what I needed. I totally could have not taken this job this summer. But I'm glad I did. I've learned a lot, and grown a lot, and I've found new ways to deal with things differently than I ever have before. And I'm full of gratitude and love for my Savior and my Heavenly Father, and for this beautiful world that we live in. 

"For depression has no power over me. 

—It comes and goes, as feelings do

And some days it is so deep

But I have found it's better to 

Feel it, and let it seep

Out, than to bury it, and to 

Let it grow. No one wants to reap

The depression you have sewn."

~Excerpt from A Labyrinth of Feelings, by Mattie Radke

This summer has been good for me. I've learned how to better deal with my anxiety and depression, and I've learned I'm not alone. 

I can't believe this week is my last week!! It's gonna be a bittersweet week but I'm going to try to make the most of it!! 💜💜💜

God loves you, and I do too!! Thank you for being you!! Have a great week!! 

Xoxo

Mattie 

Life can't always be smooth sailing.

Life ebbs and flows like the waves on the seas. Sometimes it's calm, sometimes it's rough. Sometimes it's so blue, and sometimes you are so depressed, but sometimes it's so blue and you are so grateful.

You have to ride the waves, and be okay with the bumpiness and inconsistencies of life. It's important to wear your life jacket—for me, that's the Gospel. It keeps me afloat, and gives me life. And I also look to my lifeguard—my Savior. I know that if I sink, He will lift me up, and He will be there. He walks on the water, and He will never let me drown. 

This week was not the greatest. We had around 182 scouts to feed and so we were preparing food for like 300 people including staff and it was hectic and insane. But we made it through the week!! I was feeling very stressed this week and Friday night was kind of the climax of my stress but I have been feeling better now that all the scouts are gone. 

This week I was able to go on the Wilderness Survival Overnighter and I'm so glad I did!! It was such a beautiful nice and such a peaceful experience. I was able to think about a lot of things and it was good. It was very relaxing, which I needed this week. 

I can't believe I'm almost done working up here!! I go home in 13 days!! It's been a great summer. 

Serah said something today during her lesson that I loved. She said, "If the Lord wants to prepare His people, He sends them to the wilderness." And I just couldn't help but think, "That's me." I have really learned a lot this summer and I think I'm more prepared for some things than I ever have been before. I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had, and for the people I've met. I have come to love all the staff with all of my heart. They're all helpful, kind, funny, and sweet–and most of them are guys. ;) But seriously–they have taught me a lot and I really am so, so grateful for them. 

These last two weeks of camp are gonna be hard because I'm looking forward to going home, but I'm also really sad to be leaving. It's been an amazing summer, and I'm gonna miss everyone so much. 

I'm grateful for this experience, and for the lessons I've learned. I'm hoping that I will leave camp a better person than when I came here. I feel like I've changed a lot, but I also kind of feel like I am the same person. I hope that I have blessed the lives of those around me this summer. I have tried to be a friend to everyone, and I hope that at least I have been kind. 

I know God loves me, and I know that He blesses me every day. I hope that I am able to bless those around me for Him. 

I hope you have a great week!! Take a moment for yourself this week. I know that it'll bless you. God loves you!! :)

Xoxo

Mattie

He will find a way to reach you.

What a week it's been!! I had the opportunity to be a troop friend this week!! So that was super exciting! Our troop was really fun and the boys were such a riot!! It was such a good experience!! For the first time in awhile I felt like I had a purpose. And at the end of the week, one of their leaders talked to Cora and I, thanking us for what we did for the boys. It was awesome! I'm so grateful for the opportunity.

This weekend was fun too because I got to go out of town with some friends to see The Incredibles 2! We went to Logan and it was so nice to be out of camp for several hours! It was nice to not be needed or asked, "Hey, Mattie, can I do [this thing in the kitchen]?" It was great. :)

The last couple weeks I've been focusing on trying to find myself, and trying to find my purpose. I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming school year, and my plans after graduation. It's been kind of stressful, I'm not gonna lie. But! I've realized something this week. I realized that whatever happens, happens. I realized that I'm just going to have to make decisions, and go with them. God will direct me when the decisions I've made aren't going to lead me where He wants me to go. 

I've also been feeling a little lonely the last couple of weeks. I don't know why, but I have. And I've realized that God knows me, and is watching out for me. I mean, I got to be a troop friend this week!! And I got to go to the Honor Trail with them this week, and that was a very special experience. I've been able to fill my time, and I've been able to feel at peace with being by myself (most of the time). I know that God loves me and is watching out for me. Each day, something happens that reminds me that He knows me, loves me, blesses me, and teaches me. 

I had the opportunity to see the sunrise from a canoe this week. It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I took a lot of pictures and I got some really amazing ones. But the thing that was the best about the experience was that sunrises are exactly like how Heavenly Father speaks to and teaches us. It can be very, very gradual, and you don't notice it all the time, until suddenly, you hear Him. Or feel Him. Or see His lesson. Or recognize His promises. Sometimes you won't always feel it, or recognize it. But He will find a way to reach you. He knows what touches you, and lifts you up, and He will find a way to make sure you that you know you are not alone, and that you know He hears you. 

I am so blessed! I'm blessed to be a daughter of God. I'm blessed to have a Savior who loves me so much. I'm blessed to have wonderful friends and family. I'm blessed to be able to learn and grow. I'm blessed to be able to serve. 

God has a lot in store for me, and though I don't know what's ahead of me, I'm looking forward to see where life takes me. 

I hope you have a wonderful week! I love you all and am so grateful for you!! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Progress, not perfection.

It's been a beautiful week coming back to camp! I was well-rested from my time at home and I had a lot of energy the first couple of days. It has mellowed out now and I can control it more, but it's still there.

This week I've been trying to be more Christlike. I've been trying to be nicer, more thoughtful, and more focused on my tasks that I have to do–there's more but those are the top three. I'm not perfect at them, but I'm proud of my progress so far. 

Pat–our camp chaplain–shares a quote each day at breakfast. The quote the other day was: "God doesn't expect perfection but He does expect progress." For some reason that really resonated with me. Maybe because of all the failures I've had with overcoming and fixing different parts of me. Or maybe not, I don't know. What I do know is this: I'm trying to be better each day than I was the day before, each day I've made some progress, and ANY amount of progress is okay! As long as you are working to make an effort, God is proud of you. 

There's a spot in camp that I like to go on Saturdays because it's really peaceful and quiet, and out of the way of other people. I go there to sit, think, and ponder. I go there when I'm in need of a break, or when I am just in need of time for me without other people. Since I'm alone, I talk to Heavenly Father out loud. It gets really emotional really fast, but it's really helpful for me to talk to Him about all of the things I'm going through because He completely understands. And the great thing is that even when I'm completely indecipherable or inconsolable, the peace of the water around me, the sounds of the birds–they all help bring me back to earth. 

I've learned a lot this summer. And I'm sure I still have more to learn. But I've learned that even when I don't feel Him, relying on my Heavenly Father keeps me grounded. I've learned that He's always blessing me–even when I don't always hear Him. I've learned that even when I feel like I don't make a difference, and when I feel unnoticed, I am making a difference–somehow, to someone, I am making a difference. It's true that I might not always be noticed, but more often than not I am noticed, and I am missed. 

I don't know what kind of impact I'm going to have on the world. Or even if I will have an impact on the world. But I do know this: the world is going to have an impact on me. And I can't wait to find it, and feel it. 

I hope you have a beautiful week!! I hope you find someone who needs your help and love, and I hope you find something new and special about yourself. 

Xoxo

Mattie