Lord, do you remember me?

I love going to the temple. I love the peace that I feel in the temple, and I love being able to sit in reverence. But yesterday was hard. We did sealings, which is usually fine. But this week, we found out our last cycle didn't work. So every time the sealer said, "wife and mother", I had to close my eyes and take a breath because I just wanted to cry. Even when we weren't at the altar, I had to focus really hard and take a breath.

After our session of sealings, we went to sit in the celestial room, and I started reading the Book of Psalms--I didn't read every chapter, but when I got to chapter 13, I can't even begin to tell you my feelings upon reading the chapter. 

David trusts in the Lord’s mercy and rejoices in His salvation.
To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.

1 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
6 I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

It's hard to feel like God is with you or for you when it feels like He has forgotten you. Lately, I have been feeling like that. As I started reading this chapter, I felt seen. I felt my heart whisper, "Lord, do you even remember me?" As I continued reading the verses, I felt like Heavenly Father was whispering, "I am still here, Mattie."

When I got home and looked up Psalm 13 on my Gospel Library app, I found that I had already bookmarked that chapter, which was interesting, as when I had previously read it in the temple, I hadn't recalled reading/loving it before. But I think it was a tender mercy and a reminder from God that He knows me, and He knows what I need. And by prompting me to begin reading in the Book of Psalms, He knew that I would find peace in this chapter again.

I read or heard somewhere recently something that went a little like this: By saying how you feel, it can release the power of those words and feelings. I know that sometimes it doesn't always work. Sometimes, saying how you feel makes it more real. I think that either way, opening up your feelings is a really powerful way to tell yourself, "Hey, I know that I am feeling like this. Sometimes it doesn't feel okay, but it is okay to feel like this."

Knowing that God always remembers me, even when it feels like He has forgotten me, is also really powerful. Remembering Him, even when it feels like He has forsaken me, gives me strength. And sharing my experiences with loved ones increases my faith. So today, I'd like to bear my testimony that even though sometimes we might feel lost, alone, or forgotten, we are never lost, alone, or forgotten. Because God always knows where we are, He is always with us, and He will never forget us. 

You are loved. I hope you have a peaceful and blessed Sabbath Day.

Xoxo

Mattie