I learned a lot about myself while I was in New York, and today in church I learned a lot about God, personal revelation, and trials.
I saw this post on Facebook the other week that I absolutely loved.
In Psalm 23:5 it says, "thou anointest my head with oil". The post on Facebook said
“Sheep can get their head caught in briers and die trying to get untangled. There are horrid little flies that like to torment sheep by laying eggs in their nostrils which turn into worms and drive the sheep to beat their head against a rock, sometimes to death. Their ears and eyes are also susceptible to tormenting insects. So the shepherd anoints their whole head with oil. Then there is peace. That oil forms a barrier of protection against the evil that tries to destroy the sheep. Do you have times of mental torment? Do the worrisome thoughts invade your mind over and over? Do you beat your head against a wall trying to stop them? Have you ever asked God to anoint your head with oil? He has an endless supply! His oil protects and makes it possible for you to fix your heart, mind, and eyes on Him today and always! There is peace in the valley! May our good, good Father anoint your head with oil today so that your cup overflows with blessings! God is good and He is faithful!!” ~Author Unknown
I loved this post! How this gives a whole new meaning to the term 'anointing'. It is a protection against things that can harm us. We use oil to anoint the heads of those that are sick in order to bless them, but it is still a protection. It is used to give a blessing, and is used for protection against further illness, injury, etc.
I really love the idea that we are the Lord's sheep. He is our Shepherd–which means He anoints us to protect us. If we are lost, He will leave those who are not lost to find us. He wants us to be safe, and knows that we are safe in numbers. Which is why He has given us families. Neighborhoods. Wards. Stakes. He has given us places and groups of people where we can be loved, cared for, and safe. We are His flock, and He has made sure that we are surrounded with people who love and care for us.
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Today in Sunday School we were reading in Acts 10, and in verse 15, it says, "What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common." I loved this!! Because I have been cleansed. I am not common. I am a child of God. He has blessed me and forgiven me and given me what I need to do to bless His children. It is not my job to judge others–or even myself. That is His job. If He says I am clean, then I am clean.
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I was talking with a friend about life things, and she shared with me a story that I loved and I wanted to share it with you:
'There was a man who was asleep one night in his cabin when suddenly his room
filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man He had a
work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The
Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.
This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun
down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the
unmoving rock pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his
cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to
enter the picture placing thoughts into the man's mind such as; "You have been
pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't budged. Why kill
yourself over this? You are never going to move it? etc."
Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he
was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill
myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the
minimum of effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do
until one day he decided to make it a matter of Prayer and take his troubled
thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my
strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have
not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I
failing?"
To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when long ago I asked
you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push
against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did
I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And
now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But,
is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your
back brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have
become massive and hard.
Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that
which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock.
filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man He had a
work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The
Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.
This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun
down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the
unmoving rock pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his
cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to
enter the picture placing thoughts into the man's mind such as; "You have been
pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't budged. Why kill
yourself over this? You are never going to move it? etc."
Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he
was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill
myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the
minimum of effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do
until one day he decided to make it a matter of Prayer and take his troubled
thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my
strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have
not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I
failing?"
To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when long ago I asked
you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push
against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did
I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And
now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But,
is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your
back brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have
become massive and hard.
Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that
which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock.
BUT YOUR CALLING WAS TO BE OBEDIENT, TO PUSH AND TO
EXERCISE YOUR FAITH AND TRUST IN MY WISDOM,
this you have done. I, my friend, I will now move the rock."'
this you have done. I, my friend, I will now move the rock."'
I really loved this story. The Lord has asked me to push–He has asked me to be obedient. He has asked me to keep my covenants. He has asked me to sacrifice and serve. He has asked me to trust in Him. That is what I am to do. He will move the rock.
My friend also said something else that I loved. She reminded me that not only did I make a covenant with the Lord, but HE MADE A COVENANT WITH ME. He covenanted that He will be with me, no matter what. Even when I cannot perceive Him–for whatever reason–He is still there. He is still with me. He is still right beside me.
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Right now, I cannot see what's ahead of me. A lot of the time, this really frustrates me. Especially when I am trying to ask God for help, and I cannot seem to hear His reply. But my task is to push. My task is to trust. My task is to have faith. Even when it's hard. Even when it seems as if I am not getting an answer. Even when I cannot seem to see or hear Him. Because His task is to make it move. He made a covenant with me that He will be there. I made a covenant that I will be there for other people, and that I will remember Him. He made a covenant that He will be there.
All of this is easier said than done sometimes.
I feel like I know all this...but applying it is difficult.
My anxiety doesn't help. My depression doesn't help. Not receiving an answer makes me feel lost and alone. Even when it's a close friend. Logically I know that there is a reason for their lack of–or late–response. Logically I know that God is there but He might have something for me to learn. But my depression whispers, "You aren't worthy of their love. You aren't worth their time. They don't really want to be there for you." My anxiety whispers, "Are you sure they are your friend? Is this how friends act?"
It is a constant battle. My faith is trying to remind me that God keeps His promises, but my anxiety and depression are trying to tell me that He keeps His promises to everyone else. But that is not true. He keeps His promises to me.
This is my trial. I have anxiety and depression, and this can lead to trust issues. This can lead to me not hearing God. This can lead to me questioning the direction I am going. This can lead to me questioning if I am really loved. This can lead to me wanting to just stop existing, and to just end all of the turmoil and pain. This can lead to me believing and thinking that I am alone.
But this is my blessing. I have been led to people who love me–despite my issues (that are, in all honesty, not as terrible as my brain leads me to believe). I have been led to people who listen to my problems when I am struggling. I have been led to people who know that sometimes all I need is reassurance that I am loved, and that I am doing okay. I have been led to people who were exactly what I needed when I met them–and who are exactly what I need when I turn to them.
Life is hard. Especially when a lot of your problems stem from your own brain. Every day I am trying to remind myself that I am loved, that God is there, and that I am doing okay. Some days, I'm ecstatic to go to work, to see all the kids, and to teach them and learn from them! Some days, it is all I can do to get out of bed.
Every day is a new adventure...and sometimes it's not a good adventure. But every day...I am pushing. Sometimes I am pushing with all my might, and sometimes my might isn't as much as it was the other day. That is okay. Pushing gets tiring. As long as I am doing my best, it's good enough. Because all God asks of me is to push. Push ahead. Push through. Push past. Push with all my might. He never asked me to move the rock. Because that is His job. He wants me to obey. So even when I don't understand, I push. Even when I don't understand, I do His will. Because someday it will all make sense. At least, that is what He tells me. And–despite my brain's insistence that I can't trust Him–I do. I trust Him with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. Every day, I just have to remember.
Xoxo
Mattie
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