He has the most perfect plan for me.

Okay, so this week was super interesting! It started off normal, but on Tuesday I got the news that I will be taking over the preschool classroom at work! I am very nervous but also very excited! I also received my college diploma in the mail on Tuesday! It is now official–I am a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!

Tuesday was honestly such a blessing, because for the first time in a long time, I finally feel like I have a purpose. These last couple of weeks/months have been really hard for me in many ways, but receiving my diploma and getting to teach the three-year-olds at work is a bright spot at the end of the tunnel.

In Relief Society today, we discussed the General Conference talk "Abound with Blessings" by Elder Renlund.

We talked about how we don't earn blessings, but we do have to qualify for them. We also don't get to  pick and choose the blessings we get. God gives us the blessings that we need–and also when we need them. Elder Renlund said, "Blessings are never earned, but faith-inspired actions on our part, both initial and ongoing, are essential."

Blessings come on God's timetable–even if we are qualified. Sometimes there are things that we have to learn by waiting. We have to have faith, and patience. It's hard. Really it is. There are things that I want more than anything in the world but am unable to have right now and it's HARD to have faith. It's HARD to have patience. It's HARD to trust that God knows best and that everything will work out in the end.

But I was talking with some friends this week, and they gave me some really good advice. One of my friends said, "We can have lives tailor-made for us by the One who sees it all...God is still looking out for you, regardless of how content you are with your life." I really loved that. I need to trust Him because it's not up to me. It's in His hands. He has the most perfect plan for me, and He is looking out for me–even when I'm upset and confused about what is going on in my life.

I've been seeing His hand a lot in my life this week. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a purpose. I feel like I can make a difference. I feel like I can actually do some good. I'm terrified beyond explanation to teach, but I am grateful for not only an amazing boss who is willing to help me as I'm trying to get ready to start to teach these kiddos next week, but I'm grateful for an amazing God who is blessing me with opportunities to grow. Even when I doubt Him sometimes. Even when I doubt myself. Even when I don't really understand why I am going through what I am going through. He is giving me opportunities to work on myself, and to work on trusting Him. I'm learning to live in the moment and live for myself.

I'm really grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father. I am grateful that He still loves and blesses me even when I do not always entirely trust Him. I am trying to be better about trusting Him, and seeing that there are good things about my life each and every day. I am not perfect, and every day I struggle with lots of different things–sometimes the same things each day. But I am trying to be better. And I know that even if my trust in God is growing by baby steps, it is still growing. And I know that that is all He asks of me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! July is almost over, and August is almost here! It's so weird to think that I won't be going back to school as a student! I'm really excited for this next chapter in my life–terrified, yes, but excited.

Xoxo
Mattie