His Love is More.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to attend Relief Society today. I'm reminded of two weeks ago when I almost didn't go because I wasn't feeling the best after sacrament meeting, but when I saw it was Relief Society, the Spirit whispered, "Stay." So I did. And how grateful I am. We discussed President Nelson's talk from General Conference "Overcome the World and Find Rest", and what a blessing the discussion was. For some, the holiday season can be tiring and stressful. Our discussion was enlightening and I received several answers and personal revelation. I am so, so grateful for Relief Society, and for the wonderful bond of sisterhood that I have been able to experience in the wards that I have resided in.

My expectation is not always His execution.

Even though it is difficult to talk about at times, I am grateful to be able to share my experience with infertility. I have been able to connect with those of my friends who have experienced the same or similar situations, and it has been helpful for me to be able to discuss my feelings with someone who knows what I am going through. 

It has been hard, at times, to keep my chin up. Knowing that we are doing all we can, and just waiting on the Lord's timing, can be quite frustrating, especially when I look around and see so many people who are expecting–or have just had–a baby. It's just another reminder of what I desire, and what I am unable to have at this time. It is dispiriting to not know why it isn't happening for us right now. 

However, I have been able to find comfort in the scriptures, and in messages from prophets, apostles, and other general authorities of the Church. I am so grateful for the experiences of the Lord's people in the scriptures, for the comfort and peace that I can receive as I study and learn from their lives.

Knowing that I share the same challenges as Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and Rachel, and Elkanah and Hannah, to name a few, is comforting. To know that God included these stories in the scriptures for me to learn from and understand, is heartening. To know that these faithful women were still faithful throughout their trials as they waited upon the Lord, is inspiring. To know that, as I continue to be faithful, and continue to find joy in my life, as these women did in theirs, that I will be at peace as I wait upon the Lord, is uplifting.

While there are moments, periods of time, days, even, that are more difficult than others, I remember the promise of the Lord. I remember that, as I am faithful, and continue to do as He has asked me, I will be blessed. Whether in this life or the next. As hard as it is to understand why it's not happening now, the assurance that He will provide me with the blessings He has promised keeps me going.

Last week, I was watching a video that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints produced in a video series they call "Hope Works". This video, entitled "Embrace the Hit: My Darkest Hour", really resonated with me. Something she said struck home with me: 

"This collision was beyond a forcible wave that crashes over you. It felt like I was paddling in the deepest ocean, and I was slowly drowning. And during those weeks, I felt the impact of how much hope can hurt. It can be exhausting to want something good and not know why it can't be what you know or what you thought it should be right now.  ...the more demanding the trial, the larger your capacity grows in the opposite direction for joy."

I had yet to find a description of how I have been feeling about our journey with infertility and how hard it is to hold out hope every month. Then, during this video, she said exactly what I have been feeling, and I couldn't help but be grateful for my Heavenly Parents and my Savior. This video message was just what I needed to remind me that I am not alone in my trials, and I am not forgotten.

Right now, this is my darkest hour. Each time where I have been hopeful, only for that test to be negative, has been excruciatingly painful. But the most painful one by far was when the test was positive, but the following test a few days later was negative. That was heart-wrenching; I felt like my body was failing me. It has taken time for me to understand that it is not failing me in the sense that I thought it was. 

What gives me hope is that I know that God has a plan for me. I know that He has communicated with me about the expansion of our family, and I am doing my best to follow Him. I am coming to understand that, while He has communicated with me about our family, my expectation is not always His execution. However, knowing that He is walking with me every step of the way, and guiding me through it, is reassuring. As I am following His light, and studying His words, I am healing–slowly but surely.

What gives me hope is that we are learning more about my personal journey and experience with PCOS, and that that is part of what God is wanting me to learn at this time. I am coming to understand that this is part of His plan for me. While much of life is uncertain, one thing I know is that I am not alone. Not only is God with me, I have a loving support system of family and friends who are there for me, too.

Xoxo

Mattie

Doing my best–one moment, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

I have been pondering whether or not to share this experience, but ultimately, I decided that it would help me to talk about it, even though I am still experiencing feelings of sadness and heartache about it, and I felt that it was important for people to know that it is okay to talk about these things.

Earlier this month, I experienced what I have come to understand is known as "a chemical pregnancy". According to the Cleveland Clinic, "A chemical pregnancy is a very early miscarriage that happens within the first five weeks of pregnancy. An embryo forms and may even embed in your uterus lining (implantation), but then it stops developing. Chemical pregnancies occur so early that many people who miscarry don’t realize it."

The only reason that I knew that I had a chemical pregnancy was because I have PCOS, and in order for me to ensure that I am taking the medication I need at the proper times, I need to be monitored frequently throughout my cycle. 

So, on July 15, I went into my doctor's office and had my blood drawn so they could do a pregnancy test. I later received a call that said that the test was positive, and that they were cautiously optimistic, but I should go back on Monday to ensure that my hCG levels were increasing as they are supposed to. I went back on Monday for them to draw my blood again, but when they called back, they said that my levels had decreased, and I was no longer pregnant. This resulted in my experiencing a miscarriage.

It was very unexpected, and I had a really hard time with the results that day. I ended up crying for a portion of time after the phone call. I was devastated throughout the rest of the week. It is so weird to me that tomorrow it will be two weeks since that phone call. It seems like a lifetime ago. 

I have been very lucky to have a village of love and support behind me as I have gone and am going through this experience. I am so thankful for those who have sent me well wishes and prayers. I truly appreciate every single one of you.

I am comforted by the stories of Abraham and Sarah, as well as Hannah in the Old Testament, which we are studying this year. While I do not expect to be exactly like Sarah and become pregnant at 99 years old, I am comforted that the Lord keeps His promises. As I am currently like Hannah, in that I am longing for a blessing I have yet to receive, I am comforted that as I continue to do my part, the Lord will bless me. 

While I hope and pray that it will be sooner, I know that it most likely won't be when I would like it to be. Though that makes me sad, I am not discouraged. I am doing my best to not only do my part, but I am doing my best to move forward. One moment, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Because that is all I can do. I am only human, and I want to be a mom, but right now, that's not in the plan. So sometimes I am sad about that. But I am doing my best to serve those around me, to study the scriptures, and speak and connect with my Heavenly Parents and my Savior. I am doing my best to tell my husband how I am feeling. I am doing my best. And that is all that I can do.

I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents and a Savior who are on and by my side always. I am thankful that They love and support me in everything I am doing. I am grateful that They let me know how loved I am, and how much They want me to be happy. I am grateful for the time that I get to spend with Them in the temple, serving the ancestors of all on Earth. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost, who comforts me when I need it, and helps me discern promptings.

I hope you have a great week! God loves you, and I do too. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Make the time.

Making the time for the things that are most important and balancing your time is really hard. Lately, that has been my biggest weakness and struggle. I always have something that I can be doing, something that I want to be doing, and something that I need to be doing. 

How can we best divide our time between all of the things that are important in our lives?

Jesus tells us, in Matthew 6 verse 33-34:

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Put God first and focus on the day you are living. That's the key.

I know, I know–it's easier said than done. Sometimes, though, you just need to have a real talk with yourself and say, "Okay, we are going to be doing this. God is going to be put first today, and then we are going to focus on what we can do today." It will definitely be difficult as you begin, but the more you put it into practice, the easier it will get.

You have to ask yourself, "What is the most important thing I can do today?" And if the answer isn't "Talk to my Heavenly Father", you might be a little too busy. Don't worry–I've definitely been there.

Sometimes I need to make a list of all the things I need to get done in a day. That's okay, it's good to write it down. But sometimes I put things on my list that don't necessarily need to be done that day. I think sometimes I am trying to get a week's worth of things done in one day, and that is definitely not healthy. 

I am trying to take it back a notch and focus more on things that I need to get done that day. I am also trying to remember that if all I get done is one thing, that is okay! There are some days that I will get a lot done, and some days where I will only get one or two things done. That is completely fine. Each day requires a different amount of effort from me, as each day, I am a different person.

This reminds me of the story in Luke 10:38-42 about Mary and Martha. It reads:

38 ¶ Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

We have all been Mary, and we have all been Martha. Now, remember, Martha isn't doing anything bad! Cleaning and serving the Lord is good! However, Jesus is currently teaching, so the timing of Martha's service is not the best. So, again, back to making the time: Martha needed to make the time to listen to Jesus' teachings. She needed to make the time to sit down and focus on her spiritual needs.

In the end, it will not matter whether or not you cleaned your living room and kitchen. It won't matter if you made sure that any guests or neighbors were taken care of. What will matter is whether or not you learned from the Lord. Whether or not you grew closer to Him. Whether or not He can count on you to do as He commands.

Yes, He understands the need (and asks) for a house of order. Yes, He understands that He has asked you to "love thy neighbor as thyself". But He has also asked you to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind, and strength", and that is the first great commandment. He has asked you to put Him first.

If you are not connecting with God every day, how can He prompt you to serve your neighbor? How can He prompt you to serve your friend when they need a pick-me-up? How can He use you to help His children if you are not connecting with Him every day? 

Yes, it can be difficult to make the time. Yes, the Lord understands. But He also understands that if you do what He asks, life will be a little bit easier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Day in the Life

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Rising fast, running amok

Brush, brush, brush

Hop, hop, hop

Making lunches, checking homework

Loading car, running berserk

Rush, rush, rush

Stop, stop, stop

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Rising fast, running amok

Rush, rush, rush

Stop, stop, stop

Parking tires, checking handiwork

Loading car, running berserk

Brush, brush, brush,

Hop, hop, hop

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Retiring at last, no more running amok. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Making Time

I start my day close to the Lord

A prayer, a scripture–15 minutes I can afford

I greet my husband with a 'good morning' kiss

My children are happily in bliss

Later that day, my daughter cried

Because her pet rock Tommy died

I tried not to laugh as we buried him

But she saw me and her face turned grim

Her response was to cut her brother's hair

I took a really long time sitting in my chair

When my husband got home, the house was a mess

Dinner was cold and my children in distress

'Daddy!' they cried, and ran for a hug

I drank my cold hot chocolate mug

This day was quite a disaster, I'm afraid

But because of this morning when I prayed

I had more patience and more love

I hope my children see why I speak with God above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I don't have children yet, but I hope this poem can show the peace that comes when we speak with the Lord and take time to hear Him. The day will still be long, and we will still feel frustrated at times, but there is just something about taking the time to speak with the Lord that calms the whole day. 

I know that Heavenly Father loves you and that He will help you as you strive to balance your life! I hope you have a great week! I have plenty of things on my to-do list this week, but I am going to focus on one at a time. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Prayers to the Father

Jesus Christ shows us throughout His entire ministry, but especially throughout His last week in mortality, of the importance of communication with our Heavenly Father. I love His relationship with Heavenly Father. That is the kind of relationship I am trying to develop with my Heavenly Father. He is always ready and willing to listen, and I love that!

From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' website about Easter week today:

The last week of Jesus Christ’s mortal ministry is filled with prayer. There are the prayers He offers on behalf of His disciples, filled with timeless words of comfort and guidance. But there are also the prayers that He encourages them to offer on their own. He knows that soon His disciples will be without Him, and so He lets them know the importance of praying, encouraging them to ask their Father in Heaven for the things they’ll need to make it through the challenges ahead. Through His words and His example, they learn that when they make the effort to pray to the Father, no matter what happens, they will never be alone.

#BecauseOfHim, I’m never alone

Jesus told His disciples He would be with them always. He’s here for you too. As you draw near to the Father in prayer, you will draw near unto Christ as well.

Prayer is a powerful way to grow closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but that doesn’t mean it always comes easily. [It's like anything else–the more you practice, the better you get.] (My thoughts)

I am so grateful for the power of prayer, and for the love and peace that I feel as I communicate with my Father in Heaven through my Savior–His Son, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the example of Jesus on how to communicate with Heavenly Father.

I am also grateful that Heavenly Father is flexible and comes to us as we are. He knows our circumstances, which is super important because sometimes I communicate with Him in ways other than through prayer. There are times where praying the way I do at night or in the morning is just not practical. Sometimes, I am driving and can only shout out loud, "Heavenly Father, please keep me safe from the flying grill rack!" (Yes, this is a true story that did happen this week. On Monday, of all days. What a way to start the week!) But He knows me, and my surroundings, and understands that some situations call for different forms of communication with Him. And I love that He is so understanding. We are truly never alone because He is always with us.

As it is Easter time, it is supposed to be springtime, too, but that has seen a slight ice patch in the road 🤣. Spring is coming–slowly, but it is coming. I am really looking forward to the warmer weather that will most surely bring about more family walks around the neighborhoods and parks! I love walking with Ricky, but I also love seeing families out for strolls. It makes my heart happy to see. We live in such a beautiful world handcrafted by our Heavenly Father for us, I love to be out enjoying and exploring and seeing others get to experience it too!

I hope that this week has been going well for all of you. I hope and pray that all is well with you and your loved ones. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Timeless Words of Peace

Today is Holy Tuesday. Today is the day that Jesus teaches parables and discusses prophecies about Him from the scriptures and prophets. 

From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' website today:

As Jesus Christ continues to teach His followers, one thing becomes clear—Jesus has a deep knowledge and love of the scriptures. Throughout the week, Jesus often quotes the very scriptures He’s fulfilling. For those who listen, prophecies that were by then hundreds of years old become powerful and new. Suddenly, the scriptures don’t seem so ancient. With the help of Jesus Christ, they see that the word of God does not have an expiration date. No matter what era we live in, we can find peace in the powerful parallels between the scriptures and our own lives.

#BecauseOfHim, I feel peace

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. … Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” —John 14:27​

Jesus’s teachings are everywhere in the scriptures, and they can fill your life with peace. [Make time to sit and study the scriptures by yourself or with your family and friends. 

(The last sentence is my own comment.)

I am grateful for all of Jesus' teachings, and for His instruction on prophecies, parables, and other scriptures. I am grateful to have the scriptures to look to for His guidance and direction in my life. I am grateful to be able to have the Holy Ghost with me, to be able to help lead me in my life and connect with my Heavenly Parents and my Savior.

Xoxo

Mattie

An Act of Astonishing Bravery

Today is Holy Monday. Today is the day Jesus visited and cleansed the temple.

From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' website today:

During Jesus’s time in Jerusalem, He visits the temple. There, inside His Father’s house, Jesus sees various merchants doing business. To see a place of worship converted into a center of commerce is something that Jesus cannot abide. Speaking with unmistakable authority, He commands them to leave. The cleansing of the temple at Jerusalem was an act of astonishing bravery. We can take courage knowing that Jesus Christ did what He knew to be right, whether it was popular or not.

#BecauseOfHim, I have courage

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” —Philippians 4:13​​

What task feels especially difficult for you right now? It could be setting up a therapy appointment, asking for a raise at work, or reconciling with a loved one. Today, make a plan to accomplish it. Jesus can help you find the courage you need.

Something that has been a challenge for me recently is very personal, so I will not be sharing specifically what it is, but what I have been doing to overcome it has been because of Him. Because of Him, I have chosen to keep pressing forward. Because of Him, I have chosen to continue to have faith in Him. Because of Him, I have been brave in being honest with myself about the things I am going through. Because of Him, I can do hard things.

I am ever so grateful for His example of strength and courage in times of duress! There were many times throughout His life that He needed to have courage, just like all of us! I love that we are able to see how human Jesus really was at times, because it makes it easier to connect with Him when we realize that He knows what we are going through!

Xoxo

Mattie

A Joyful Entrance

Hey! It's been a while since I've posted on my blog! Life has been crazy busy!!


Today is Palm Sunday, the start of Holy Week, the Savior's last week here on Earth before He was resurrected on Easter Sunday. This is the day that He rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, across a path of palm leaves and cloaks thrown down by the crowd of His followers.

From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' website about Easter Week:

On Palm Sunday, Jesus Christ rides triumphantly into Jerusalem as His followers draw near Him to lay down cloaks and palm fronds in His path. They surround Jesus with love and praise. In return, they no doubt receive the profound spiritual lift that comes from being in Jesus’s presence. The people in the crowd probably had life experiences just as varied as ours, but all were able to share equally in the joy that comes when we draw closer to Jesus Christ.

#BecauseOfHim, I can have joy

By following Jesus Christ’s teachings, you can find pure joy—a feeling of eternal peace and comfort. Explore what’s possible because of Jesus. Watch this video and consider someone in your life to share it with.

I am so grateful for the joy that Jesus Christ brings to my life! Because of Him, I can have peace in tumultuous times, no matter what my circumstances are. Because of Him, I can be comforted in my sorrows and pains. It was a joyful entrance the day that I was baptized and Jesus Christ really came into my life, but it was even more of a joyful entrance the day that I really invited Him in, and began to understand, know, and love my Savior and my testimony of Him.

May this Easter Week be full of reminders of our Savior, and the sacrifices He made, and the sacrifices that we can make for Him.

Xoxo
Mattie