Lord, do you remember me?

I love going to the temple. I love the peace that I feel in the temple, and I love being able to sit in reverence. But yesterday was hard. We did sealings, which is usually fine. But this week, we found out our last cycle didn't work. So every time the sealer said, "wife and mother", I had to close my eyes and take a breath because I just wanted to cry. Even when we weren't at the altar, I had to focus really hard and take a breath.

After our session of sealings, we went to sit in the celestial room, and I started reading the Book of Psalms--I didn't read every chapter, but when I got to chapter 13, I can't even begin to tell you my feelings upon reading the chapter. 

David trusts in the Lord’s mercy and rejoices in His salvation.
To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.

1 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
6 I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

It's hard to feel like God is with you or for you when it feels like He has forgotten you. Lately, I have been feeling like that. As I started reading this chapter, I felt seen. I felt my heart whisper, "Lord, do you even remember me?" As I continued reading the verses, I felt like Heavenly Father was whispering, "I am still here, Mattie."

When I got home and looked up Psalm 13 on my Gospel Library app, I found that I had already bookmarked that chapter, which was interesting, as when I had previously read it in the temple, I hadn't recalled reading/loving it before. But I think it was a tender mercy and a reminder from God that He knows me, and He knows what I need. And by prompting me to begin reading in the Book of Psalms, He knew that I would find peace in this chapter again.

I read or heard somewhere recently something that went a little like this: By saying how you feel, it can release the power of those words and feelings. I know that sometimes it doesn't always work. Sometimes, saying how you feel makes it more real. I think that either way, opening up your feelings is a really powerful way to tell yourself, "Hey, I know that I am feeling like this. Sometimes it doesn't feel okay, but it is okay to feel like this."

Knowing that God always remembers me, even when it feels like He has forgotten me, is also really powerful. Remembering Him, even when it feels like He has forsaken me, gives me strength. And sharing my experiences with loved ones increases my faith. So today, I'd like to bear my testimony that even though sometimes we might feel lost, alone, or forgotten, we are never lost, alone, or forgotten. Because God always knows where we are, He is always with us, and He will never forget us. 

You are loved. I hope you have a peaceful and blessed Sabbath Day.

Xoxo

Mattie

Sometimes it's hard to hear.

We've been learning about effective and ineffective listening skills in my communications class for the last two weeks, and my teacher shared this quote by Richard Branson with us: "Effective listening is a skill that underpins all positive human relationships. Spend some time thinking about and developing your listening skills. They are the building blocks of success."

This quote really resonated with me, especially the part where he said listening skills "are the building blocks of success." It is almost impossible for anyone to go anywhere in this world if they don't have effective listening skills. Why? People want to be heard and understood. If you aren't hearing or understanding, they will stop communicating with you.

This last week, we have discussed seven ineffective ways of listening (though I am sure there are more). We have also discussed that listening is an active skill and needs to be consistently worked on. Here's a few of the ineffective listening skills we've discussed that I think are probably the most common:

Ineffective Listening Skill #1: Evaluative Listening

Evaluative listeners spend the whole time you are talking evaluating and judging what you are saying. They will either agree or disagree with your statement, and could even agree AND disagree using the phrase, "Yes, but..."

Ineffective Listening Skill #2: Defensive Listening

Defensive listeners feel the need to defend themselves and justify everything they say by also using the phrase "Yes, but...". They find anything different than their point of view a threat. They only want to defend their opinions and perspective.

Ineffective Listening Skill #3: Authoritative Listening

Authoritative listeners listen to respond or give advice. They often use phrases like, "You should..." or "You need..." and don't really care about what you have said; only that they have an answer to your problem.

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In contrast to these ineffective listening skills, I found three effective listening skills that you can use to increase your listening skills.

Effective Listening Skill #1: Empathetic Listening

Empathetic listeners put themselves in your shoes and listen to give you emotional support and show that they understand where you are coming from. People feel In my personal opinion, if you can only work on one listening skill, I would pick this one.

Effective Listening Skill #2: Insightful Listening

It's important to insure that any questions you ask the speaker are intended to help clarify understanding of what the speaker is talking about. You should be asking questions to make sure you and the speaker are on the same page. 

Effective Listening Skill #3: Responsive Listening

Try to show that you understand where the speaker is coming from. Paraphrase what you think they've been saying, or just nod and encourage them to keep talking (as long as you are still paying attention). Be as engaging as you can without taking over the conversation.

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Listening is a really hard skill to learn and practice. You have to be an active listener in all aspects of your life, and sometimes it's really hard to listen to others and pay attention to what they are talking about, especially in this day and age. The world is full of noise, and it's hard to find quiet.

God is always speaking to us. We need to learn how to listen and distinguish His voice from the voices of the world, but He is always trying to communicate with us. He speaks to each of us differently, but He is always trying to let us know He cares. My teacher invited us to look at 3 Nephi 11:3–7:

3 And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.

4 And it came to pass that again they heard the voice, and they understood it not.

5 And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came.

6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

God is always speaking to us. We need to learn how to listen and distinguish His voice from the voices of the world, but He is always trying to communicate with us. Like the Nephites in this passage, we might not understand at first, but if we continue to listen, open our ears, and open our hearts, we will be able to better understand and hear Him.

Xoxo

Mattie

Humility in trials.

People go through many trials and challenges in life, each unique and personal. Some people lose their parents. Some people lose their children. Some people go through divorce. Some people experience natural disasters like earthquakes, fires, and hurricanes. Some people have health issues. 

I don't typically post too many details about it, but infertility has been a really challenging trial for me. While it is deeply personal and hard to talk about, especially in the Church, I appreciate the friends and family who've felt comfortable discussing their own infertility challenges with me while I'm going through my own; it's helped me not to feel alone.

Infertility treatments are expensive and not guaranteed. I hate that so much--recently, we spent a lot of money on the next procedure, not to mention all of the medications I needed to take, and it didn't work. I'm trying not to think about it too much because I can't do anything about it, but we were devastated when we found out it didn't work.

Moving forward is hard because I desperately want to try again, but the possibility that it won't work again looms over every thought. We're not made of money, and the procedures and medications are expensive and not covered by insurance. It's hard to make that decision, but we are trying to listen to the Holy Ghost to discern when it is time for us to make the next move forward.

I've been searching the Church's website for talks and scriptures to help me understand why trials occur and how to get through them when it feels like all hope is gone. In Mosiah 21: 5-14, the Nephites learn to humble themselves and turn to God:

5 And now the afflictions of the Nephites were great, and there was no way that they could deliver themselves out of their hands, for the Lamanites had surrounded them on every side.

6 And it came to pass that the people began to murmur with the king because of their afflictions; and they began to be desirous to go against them to battle. And they did afflict the king sorely with their complaints; therefore he granted unto them that they should do according to their desires.

7 And they gathered themselves together again, and put on their armor, and went forth against the Lamanites to drive them out of their land.

8 And it came to pass that the Lamanites did beat them, and drove them back, and slew many of them.

9 And now there was a great mourning and lamentation among the people of Limhi, the widow mourning for her husband, the son and the daughter mourning for their father, and the brothers for their brethren.

10 Now there were a great many widows in the land, and they did cry mightily from day to day, for a great fear of the Lamanites had come upon them.

11 And it came to pass that their continual cries did stir up the remainder of the people of Limhi to anger against the Lamanites; and they went again to battle, but they were driven back again, suffering much loss.

12 Yea, they went again even the third time, and suffered in the like manner; and those that were not slain returned again to the city of Nephi.

13 And they did humble themselves even to the dust, subjecting themselves to the yoke of bondage, submitting themselves to be smitten, and to be driven to and fro, and burdened, according to the desires of their enemies.

14 And they did humble themselves even in the depths of humility; and they did cry mightily to God; yea, even all the day long did they cry unto their God that he would deliver them out of their afflictions.

The purpose of trials is to help us humble ourselves and turn to God. But what happens when we feel like we have already humbled ourselves and turned to Him, but we still have not received answers or are still feeling lost?

I asked my brother, who is serving his mission, this question, and he shared Ether 12:27 with me, and I was really drawn to Ether 12:28, as well.

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.

He shows us our weaknesses, but He also shows us that faith, hope, and charity bring us closer to Him, as well as to righteousness. 

In Elder Renlund's talk "The Powerful, Virtuous Cycle of the Doctrine of Christ" from the past April 2024 General Conference, he says the following:

"Spiritual momentum is created “over a lifetime as we repeatedly embrace the doctrine of Christ.” Doing so, President Russell M. Nelson taught, produces a “powerful virtuous cycle.” Indeed, the elements of the doctrine of Christ—such as faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, entering a covenant relationship with the Lord through baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end—are not intended to be experienced as one-time, check-the-box events. In particular, “enduring to the end” is not really a separate step in the doctrine of Christ—as though we complete the first four elements and then hunker down, grit our teeth, and wait to die. No, enduring to the end is repeatedly and iteratively applying the other elements of the doctrine of Christ, creating the “powerful virtuous cycle” that President Nelson described."

We are not meant to know all things in this life--the purpose of this life is to learn and grow and have faith in Jesus Christ. 

Life is HARD, and while I don't understand the purpose of this trial in my life, and I struggle with it daily, feeling very lost and alone at times, I know I can turn to my Savior for peace. 

Ricky and I went to the Payson Temple yesterday to do sealings, and even though I didn't receive a specific answer (and even left with more questions), I still felt peace. I spent a lot of time after our time in the temple thinking about how, right now, just sitting in the temple is often more precious to me than doing ordinances. While I love doing the ordinances, lately, it seems all I can hear is "and mother" in all of the ordinances, which is a little painful and hard for me to not think about. I often think about Jesse, how grateful I am for the Plan of Salvation, and for the blessings of eternal families. 

I am grateful for my sweetheart and the sweet opportunity we had last weekend to celebrate our anniversary. Year five has started off great and I can't wait to see where it takes us.

I hope this Sunday has been a peaceful Sunday for you and yours. I know that God loves us always, and that He cares for us more than we will ever know.

Xoxo

Mattie

He is already here.

"He is Already Here"
--Mattie Velasquez, March 30th, 2024

 I had this beautiful idea in my head Friday night after my orchestra concert of a meaningful image of the sacrifice and love of our Savior. I spent many hours working on it, wanting to get it right because this idea was too precious not to share. 

One of my favorite talks about Easter is from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin from General Conference in October 2006. In his talk, he states:

"I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. 

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth. Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. 

On that day they stood triumphant. On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain. Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross. 

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies. 

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled. It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God. 

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest."

Not only was that day the darkest day in the history of the world, but that day was the darkest in the life of Jesus Christ. For the Son of God--who exuded so much light, life, hope, and love--that Friday was His darkest moment. And He endured it for us. For those who love Him and try every day to be better people. For those who know of Him but do not know Him. For those who do not know of Him. For those who do not care. For all of us, regardless of our relationship with Him or lack thereof, He suffered the most--He endured the darkest day--for us. 

Elder Wirthlin continues, however:

"But the doom of that day did not endure. 

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind. 

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence. 

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. 

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. 

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."

Grief is oftentimes the most overwhelming feeling to ever exist or feel. I think that is why there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sometimes, it feels like our grief is neverending. The depth of our sorrow is incomprehensible to anyone but ourselves. Except for Him. He understands in ways that no one else does. He understands in ways that we can't even describe or fathom. For He endured it all. He has walked through it with us already. He has been there and will continue to be there for us.

Even though the darkness seems overwhelming at times...the light will come. No matter how overpowering the darkness...how endless it seems...the light is there. The Son will come. Because He is already here. 

He endured the darkest day in the history of the world so that we wouldn't have to. 

If that isn't love, I don't know what is. 

Happy Easter, my friends and loved ones. I cherish you all and wish you all the best. I hope you know how much your Savior loves you and how much I love you. I think of you often and pray for your health and happiness. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Faith means moving forward anyway.

We have been studying The Book of Mormon this year, and I am amazed at the answers and revelations found in The Book of Mormon. Nephi tells us several times that even though he struggled to believe in the words of his father at one time, he chose to ask God, and prayed to understand the words of his father.

1 love that we can see that even Nephi had questions, but he chose to turn to God and ask for clarification and answers. In 1 Nephi 15:11, Nephi asks Laman and Lemuel, "Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?--If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you."

There is a reason that faith is the first principle and ordinance of the gospel. We must ask God in faith, trusting that the Lord will provide answers, peace, guidance, and direction.

I just had the most powerful thought about The Book of Mormon based on the principles and ordinances of the gospel. Remember, they are faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion for the remission of sins, and laying on of hands by the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Throughout The Book of Mormon, we see these principles and ordinances.

First, faith. Nephi shows so much faith in the Lord Jesus Christ throughout his life.

Second, repentance. We see repentance throughout The Book of Mormon a lot, but especially in the book of Alma.

Third, baptism. We see baptism not only in the book of Alma but also in Helaman.

Fourth, laying on of hands by the gift of the Holy Ghost. We see this in Alma and in 4th Nephi.

I love that we see the principles and ordinances of the gospel cycle within not only each book within The Book of Mormon, but also throughout The Book of Mormon as a whole.

There are many answers to be discovered through the books within The Book of Mormon, and I know that those answers will change according to the season of life I am in.

I am grateful for the love of God that is shown throughout The Book of Mormon, and for the love that I see within my life. Though I do not have all the answers, I know God loves me. I don't know why we sometimes have to wait years for answers, but I know that by waiting, we can come to know the love of God more. In waiting, we find ways to move forward in faith anyway. I know that sometimes, the answers aren't what we sought. Instead, the answers we receive are the answers that we need to grow. There is pain and heartache in waiting for the answers we want, but there is also peace and growth in accepting the answers we receive.

I hope you have a wonderful week, full of peace and love.

Xoxo
Mattie

Finding yourself in the temple.

    Happy Sunday! It has been quite a while since I last posted. I have been quite busy! I have not only began selling items on my Etsy shop (please check it out if you want to support me!), but I have also started school again! I am getting a certificate in Graphic Design and an Associate of Applied Science Degree in Software Development (which includes a certificate in Computer Science). Because I have been doing a lot more crafts and graphic designing the last few years, I am wanting to pursue this work right now. I am grateful that Ricky is so loving and supportive of me as I am doing these things that I love! 

        P.S. He has recently started a new job and has also begun online school, so pray for us!

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    Today, Ricky and I had the opportunity to attend a session of the Orem Temple dedication. It was so special and powerful. I loved the Spirit that we felt and the messages that we heard. 

    President Nelson shared a special message in a video, and a couple of things he said touched me:

- Your Spirit will be healed and your mind enlightened (as you attend the temple).
- As we make the Lord and the temple the center of our lives, we will be blessed.

    There were three youth speakers, and I was very impressed with their talks! Each of them said something that I loved:

- We go to the temple to spend time with Jesus Christ.

- As we make time to go to the temple, we are blessed in many ways, including an increase of the Spirit.

- Turning to God gives us power over the adversary.

    We were able to hear from Elder Patrick Kearon, and he talked about how we can be found in the temple because we can find Jesus in the temple. I love this!! I actually was recently telling Ricky how I have been feeling a little lost and how I wanted to go to the temple. I feel grounded in the temple, and closer to God. I find not only peace and answers, but also myself. Being in the world too long makes me forget that I am a child of God.

Elder Kearon said as we do work for the dead, we are helping them to be found. 

I loved that Elder Kearon talked about those that we do the work for. Because we are helping them to be found. He also referenced Psalm 23, which is a Psalm I love and wanted to share:

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

    I love the image of our Savior as our Shepherd. It's not only humbling, but it's a precious image that we are His sheep, and that He cares for us deeply. 

Lost No More by Greg K. Olsen

    Finally, Elder D. Todd Christofferson spoke before he gave the dedicatory prayer. One thing he said that I loved was that perfection is not required to enter the temple; however, we can still try to be a little better each time we attend the temple. He also said that our time in the temple changes us and gives us a new perspective.

Orem Utah Temple

    I am so grateful for the blessings of the temple, and for the promises of life with my husband and family forever. I look forward to the day when we will see God again and I hope and pray every day that I make my Heavenly Parents proud.

I hope you have a peaceful and uplifting week!

Xoxo

Mattie

Path to personal peace.

In the April 2023 General Conference, President Henry B. Eyring gave a talk entitled "Finding Personal Peace". We discussed this talk in Relief Society today. It was so enlightening to discuss and hear others' thoughts on President Eyring's talk.

President Eyring starts his talk by recounting the Savior's words about peace, and how He gives us peace, from the book of John in chapter 14:15-27. Here is the passage that he shares:

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.

“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

“Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

“Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

“At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

“Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?

“Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

“He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father’s which sent me.

“These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.

“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

President Eyring then goes on to discuss how he found five truths from this passage of the Savior's teachings. As we read and discussed the five truths that President Eyring found, I kept going back to my April 2023. During that time (March/April), I was having a difficult time. I kept thinking about Jesse, and how, if I hadn't experienced my miscarriage, I would have been having my baby around that time. It was an especially hard time because a few people close to me had announced pregnancies and it was emotionally challenging for me to watch them experience something I wasn't able to (because I lost my baby) during the time when I would have been getting ready to give birth.

For months previously, I had been asking Heavenly Father for peace, and felt and heard nothing at the time. I was frustrated, sad, heartbroken, lonely, and trying desperately to not ruin the pregnancies of the ones close to me. Fast forward to General Conference. One of the questions I was wanting to focus on getting an answer for during conference was  peace and comfort, and to finally start healing. I was tired of walking around on eggshells because every little thing would make me cry. 

As the first session of conference occurred, I was feeling good, because I had heard so many little things that I loved. But when President Eyring (the final speaker of the session) stood up and began to speak, I felt overwhelmed with the Spirit and knew I needed to listen. As I listened to President Eyring, I was watching and listening, glued to the screen, taking in this dear Apostle of the Lord's words. When he said, "Some of you, perhaps many, are not feeling the peace the Lord promised. You may have prayed for personal peace and spiritual comfort. Yet you may feel that the heavens are silent to your pleading for peace", I knew this talk was for me. I felt in my heart, "This is for you. You are not alone. I am with you."

As Relief Society closed today, I shared this special story. I got a little emotional during my comment, but it was healing to share my experience around this talk that was special to me for several reasons: 1) because it was an answer to my prayer, and 2) because when you share experiences, you remember more details, and you can find new insights.

My path to personal peace is not what I expected it to be, but it is exactly what I need it to be. I'm grateful for the healing that I have experienced in this past year. I know there is more to do, but I am grateful for how far I have come.

I hope this week is a good one for you! I have a few fun things planned for this week and I am looking forward to getting a lot of work done as well!

God loves you and I do too!

Xoxo Mattie