Sometimes it's hard to hear.

We've been learning about effective and ineffective listening skills in my communications class for the last two weeks, and my teacher shared this quote by Richard Branson with us: "Effective listening is a skill that underpins all positive human relationships. Spend some time thinking about and developing your listening skills. They are the building blocks of success."

This quote really resonated with me, especially the part where he said listening skills "are the building blocks of success." It is almost impossible for anyone to go anywhere in this world if they don't have effective listening skills. Why? People want to be heard and understood. If you aren't hearing or understanding, they will stop communicating with you.

This last week, we have discussed seven ineffective ways of listening (though I am sure there are more). We have also discussed that listening is an active skill and needs to be consistently worked on. Here's a few of the ineffective listening skills we've discussed that I think are probably the most common:

Ineffective Listening Skill #1: Evaluative Listening

Evaluative listeners spend the whole time you are talking evaluating and judging what you are saying. They will either agree or disagree with your statement, and could even agree AND disagree using the phrase, "Yes, but..."

Ineffective Listening Skill #2: Defensive Listening

Defensive listeners feel the need to defend themselves and justify everything they say by also using the phrase "Yes, but...". They find anything different than their point of view a threat. They only want to defend their opinions and perspective.

Ineffective Listening Skill #3: Authoritative Listening

Authoritative listeners listen to respond or give advice. They often use phrases like, "You should..." or "You need..." and don't really care about what you have said; only that they have an answer to your problem.

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In contrast to these ineffective listening skills, I found three effective listening skills that you can use to increase your listening skills.

Effective Listening Skill #1: Empathetic Listening

Empathetic listeners put themselves in your shoes and listen to give you emotional support and show that they understand where you are coming from. People feel In my personal opinion, if you can only work on one listening skill, I would pick this one.

Effective Listening Skill #2: Insightful Listening

It's important to insure that any questions you ask the speaker are intended to help clarify understanding of what the speaker is talking about. You should be asking questions to make sure you and the speaker are on the same page. 

Effective Listening Skill #3: Responsive Listening

Try to show that you understand where the speaker is coming from. Paraphrase what you think they've been saying, or just nod and encourage them to keep talking (as long as you are still paying attention). Be as engaging as you can without taking over the conversation.

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Listening is a really hard skill to learn and practice. You have to be an active listener in all aspects of your life, and sometimes it's really hard to listen to others and pay attention to what they are talking about, especially in this day and age. The world is full of noise, and it's hard to find quiet.

God is always speaking to us. We need to learn how to listen and distinguish His voice from the voices of the world, but He is always trying to communicate with us. He speaks to each of us differently, but He is always trying to let us know He cares. My teacher invited us to look at 3 Nephi 11:3–7:

3 And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.

4 And it came to pass that again they heard the voice, and they understood it not.

5 And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came.

6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

God is always speaking to us. We need to learn how to listen and distinguish His voice from the voices of the world, but He is always trying to communicate with us. Like the Nephites in this passage, we might not understand at first, but if we continue to listen, open our ears, and open our hearts, we will be able to better understand and hear Him.

Xoxo

Mattie