"Let this cup pass from me."

Yesterday, the topic in sacrament meeting was repentance. One of the speakers shared something really cool that I loved and wanted to share it!

HEBREW/ ARAMAIC WORD STUDY:  THIS CUP – HAKA’  KASA’ הכא כסא  

Matthew 26:39:  “And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”

History is filled with Christians who went to their deaths for the sake of Jesus without a plea on their lips to be spared; some even went facing great torture with joy and praise to the God they love.  So why does it appear as if Jesus is having second thoughts with His fate? The problem lies in the fact that Jesus was praying in Aramaic and the Aramaic word for cup may have another understanding than representing His fate. So just what is the cup in Aramaic?  

The word that is used for cup in Aramaic is the word kasa.  It is identical to the Hebrew word kavas which is also the word found in other Semitic languages that is used for a stork.  The stork was noted for its tender loving care of its young. Even care for young not its own.  Legend has it that during the time of famine, a mother stork will peck her breast till it bleeds and feed her young with her own blood. Legend also teaches that if one of the stork’s chicks died, the mother stork would resurrect its young with its own blood.   

The Semitic mindset would instantly see the wordplay we in the Western world would not. In the garden, Jesus is praying that this kasa cup or its alternative meaning of a nurturing love would pass from Him. In Greek, the word pass is parelthato which means to avert, avoid, or pass over.  But in the Aramaic it is the word avar.  Now avar in Aramaic is the same word in Hebrew and has a wide range of meanings.  The word itself is the picture of a river overflowing onto its banks.  It literally means to be overwhelmed.   Jesus was not praying to get out of this situation but it was this cup or this nurturing, sacrificial love for us that so overwhelmed Him that He could not bear it, just as a parent watching their child suffering and dying in a hospital bed cannot bear to watch the love of their life in such torment.  But it would suggest something else as well.  

Note in verse 37 it says He became sorrowful.  That word sorrowful in the Aramaic is kamar which means to burn or kindle and is used for a burning love or compassion. As Jesus was about to the sacrifice His own life, His entire being was filled with a burning love and compassion for mankind. I believe this sorrow was knowing that even after all His suffering, there would still be millions upon millions who would not only reject His sacrifice, but scorn it and mock it was well. 

When He asked, “If it is possible let this cup or this nurturing love avar me,” I believe He meant “let it overwhelm me.”  The words if possible in Aramaic is shekev which literally means if this happens.  In other words, Jesus is saying that if this is to happen tonight, then: “Let this burning love, this nurturing love for mankind just overwhelm me, so overwhelm me that it will be all I will think about.”  Just as the thousands upon thousands of martyrs throughout the centuries thought only of Jesus and seeing His face as they faced their torture and death, Jesus thought only of us and that He would see our face when His torture and life would end. 

Recently, within the last couple of years, I have been intrigued about comparing the English version of the Bible with the Hebrew/Greek/Aramaic translations (because of some of my religion classes at BYU). So when the speaker was reading this, I really loved the interpretation of Matthew 26! It makes sense that there is a deeper meaning behind "let this cup pass": "Let this nurturing love for mankind overwhelm me so that it will be all I think about."

Jesus' love for us was what got Him through His pain. And His love for us is what can get us through our pain. I am so grateful for His love, and that He is there for me when I need Him.

I never thought that I would share this, but it's National Infertility Awareness Week, and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary (or Ovarian) Syndrome (PCOS) a few months ago. It can manifest itself in many different ways, and though I am not ready to go into detail, I just wanted to be vulnerable. Between 5% and 10% of women between the ages of 15 and 44 have PCOS. 

While I am still figuring the ins and outs of my diagnosis, I am grateful to have my husband by my side, and to have my Savior to lean on. 

I hope this week is wonderful for you! Know that you are not alone. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Even when we can't find the words.

These last few months have been full of growth and personal revelation. It's hard to believe it is already April! I can't believe Ricky and I will have been married for one year in just over a month!!! It still seems like only yesterday we were just married! Time is flying by, but each and every day seems to be its own eternity, and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Last weekend, we were blessed to be able to hear from our prophet, apostles, and leaders of the Church. I am so grateful for the messages that were shared! 

I would like to share a few of the messages that rang with me last weekend. 

• "The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of repentance. Because of the Savior's Atonement, His gospel provides an invitation to keep changing, growing, and becoming more pure. It is a gospel of hope, of healing, and of progress. Thus, the gospel is a message of joy!" (Welcome Message, Pres. Russell M. Nelson)
• "Because of Jesus Christ, our failures do not have to define us. They can refine us. 
• Like a musician rehearsing scales, we can see our missteps, flaws, and sins as opportunities for greater self-awareness, deeper and more honest love for others, and refinement through repentance.
• If we repent, mistakes do not disqualify us. They are part of our progress. 
• We are all infants compared to the beings of glory and grandeur we are designed to become. No mortal being advances from crawling to walking to running without frequent stumbles, bumps, and bruises. That is how we learn. 
• If we earnestly keep practicing, always striving to keep God’s commandments, and committing our efforts to repenting, enduring, and applying what we learn, line upon line, we will gather light into our souls. (God among Us, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
• "To be truly life-changing, conversion to Jesus Christ must involve our whole soul and permeate every aspect of our lives. This is why it must be focused at the center of our lives—our families and homes." (Teaching in the Savior's Way, Brother Jan E. Newman)

These are just a few of the many messages that I loved from General Conference last weekend. If you have a chance, I would highly recommend reading and/or watching one conference talk each day. There are so many wonderful messages and lessons from all the leaders, and I am excited for the opportunity to study the messages in detail.

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Change is hard, but it's good to know that I am in good company, as we are all trying to grow and change for the better. Each day, I might fail, but each day is a new day full of new chances. And, as Elder Uchtdorf said in conference last weekend, "our failures do not have to define us. They can refine us." No one is perfect, but we can always try to be better.

Not only have changes been hard for me recently, but so has trying to follow God's plan for me. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I will say this: trying to follow a prompting but feeling like your efforts aren't enough is a real struggle–especially when you need to be patient. Patience is hard, but I've just got to take it one moment–one day–at a time. 

Though life is often challenging, I am grateful for my Heavenly Parents, who offer so much love and support, and who send me angels each and every day. I am grateful for my sweet and patient husband, who loves me so much and tries so very hard to make sure that our life is amazing. I am grateful for wonderful friends, who listen and empathize with me, and who love and support me–even when I don't know what to say other than, "I'm not in the best mood" or "This hurts and is hard".

I'm grateful for the words of the living prophet, through whom God speaks to us. I am grateful that He wants to speak to us! I am grateful that He wants us to talk to Him, and He wants to listen to us. I am grateful that He lets me talk to Him. I have had moments where all I could do was just cry...I poured out my heart to Him through tears...and He listened. He held me and comforted me–I could feel it, and He sent me angels when I needed them. I am so thankful that He hears me when I'm speaking to Him–even if my words are silent. Sometimes, our struggles are too personal to talk about. That is okay. We don't always need to talk about them with others. But God hears us. Even when we can't find the words. He knows. He understands. 

Happy Sunday! Hope you have a wonderful week!

Xoxo

Mattie

The next right thing.

Not only have I had “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen 2 stuck in my head today, but I have been thinking about how grateful I am for the opportunity to partake of the sacrament each week so that I can renew my covenants with God and have the chance to start anew each week as I try to remember each and every day to keep doing the next right thing.

“I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And, with it done, what comes then?
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again
Then I'll make the choice to hear that voice
And do the next right thing.”

All we can do—all that God asks us to do—is keep trying to do the right thing. Every day, we have choices to make. There are bad choices, okay choices, good choices, better choices, best choices. Sometimes, we don't always make the right choices. 

In his talk entitled "Good, Better, Best", then-Elder Dallin H. Oaks discusses the differences between good, better, and best choices for individuals and families. We need to consider the best ways to spend our time, alone and with our families. We might often feel the need to go above and beyond, but there are days and moments when it is the quiet little things that are the best options. 

While I don't always make the best choices sometimes, I am still learning, growing, and trying. I am grateful for a loving, gracious God who lets me make my own choices, learn from my mistakes, and try again. I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents who want what is best for me, and who want me to be able to return to live with Them again someday. I am grateful for a loving Savior, who suffered and died for me so that I might repent time and time again as I am learning and growing and trying to become a better person.

I am grateful for the love of my friends and family, as well as of my husband, who is so sweet and thoughtful. I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents, and for Their examples, encouragement, guidance, and support as I try to do the next right thing each and every day.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Sunday! It was very relaxed and peaceful for us today. I hope you all have a wonderful week! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Progress isn't perfect, it's progress.

Happy New Year! I hope you all celebrated safely with your friends and family. :)

This year, I am wanting to work more on my scripture study, working on Family History, exercising/stretching several times a week, and on taking a step back before I engage in any conversations that might cause me to be extra emotional (for various reasons, many of which are "because I am too overcome with the fulness of my emotions and can't properly voice my feelings without crying").

So far, I am doing pretty okay at these things. There is always room for improvement, and I am excited to see where I go from here! In addition to these things, I am also trying to be more okay with the times that things don't go as I had planned. Sometimes it's hard. I am trying harder every day to rise above my emotions and take control. Because my emotions don't control me; I control my emotions. It's okay to feel sad, and angry, but only for a little while. Taking hold of the reins is hard, but I am learning. 

I am trying very hard to remember to look ahead in comfort and peace, and not to look back in dismay and regret–I am not going that direction. You can't move backwards, and you can't change the past. So keep moving forward and change your future. 

I am also trying to remember that I don't need to be perfect at all these things all at the same time. It's okay for my progress to go up and down in some areas. Progress isn't perfect, it's progress. Life is up and down, and so is our progress at times. 

Luke 2 verses 40 and 52 says:

40 And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him.

52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

Just like Jesus, we, too, grow and learn bit by bit, line upon line, precept on precept. He didn't know everything all at once, and He didn't grow all at once.

I love that God knows me, and that He knows what I need. I love that He knows where I am, and where I am going. I love that He is guiding me, and trusting me, and working with me. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and lets me take my time. I am grateful for a Savior who knows how to help me, and who loves me where I am.

Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a wonderful day. My younger brother Lander was ordained to the office of Deacon in our Church today and I am so proud of him! He is a smart, helpful, and sweet little guy who will do much good in the world!

I hope this week is full of tender mercies and blessings for you! God loves you, and I do too! May this year be one of growth for us all!

Xoxo

Mattie

Treasure the moments.

My favorite thing about the Christmas season–besides the opportunity to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ–is celebrating with my family. This year, I was so excited and blessed to celebrate with my husband! It was our first Christmas together and it was pretty spectacular! I am so blessed to have the sweetest and most thoughtful husband!

This year has been crazy. Not only has the whole world been dealing with a pandemic because of COVID-19, but there have been hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, and so many other things. Events were canceled, rescheduled, or postponed til further notice. Churches and temples were closed. Once things opened up again, Zoom became extremely popular. Schools and church meetings have been held via Zoom, as well as other events like weddings and funerals. Theaters have mainly closed, and a lot of movies have been released to stream online instead of or in addition to theater releases. We have lost many people this year, not just to COVID, and I am truly sorry for the lives that have been lost, but am grateful for the knowledge that they will be with us again someday. 💜

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We've been studying the Book of Mormon this year, and I believe that this scripture found in Moroni 10 is a wonderful scripture that can sum up this year:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

I love reading the Book of Mormon, because it was written for our day, and because of the hope and blessings that come as I read and study the scriptures each and every day. While this year hasn't been quite a normal year as expected, it has been a blessing to go through it with my sweetheart. He fills my life with joy and love and I am so grateful for him. 💜

It's been quite a year, but I wouldn't change anything, because this is the year that I married my best friend. It was a really rough year at times, but having my best friend by my side throughout this year made it the best year. We have been so, so blessed, and I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for that! Ricky and I have had so many adventures already and I can't wait to see what this year has in store for us!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season with their family and loved ones. I hope that you have been able to feel the Spirit of Christmas, and the love of the Lord. I hope that this next year is full of peace, love, and joy for you and your family. I know that Heavenly Father loves you, and has great blessings in store for you. May you treasure this holiday season, and this year's blessings, and have a wonderful new year. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Christmastime is here! :)

Christmastime is here! It’s been a busy month for me! I’ve been working on Christmas gifts and decorating our home for Christmas. So my blogging has taken a backseat for a few weeks. 😬  However, I am mostly done with Christmas gifts (just a few left!) so I have a little more time!

I am so excited for Christmas!! I tell Ricky this multiple times every day, and he always says, “I know, you tell me every day.” 🤣 I was almost done with all my Christmas shopping the week of Thanksgiving! I have a love/hate relationship with having my shopping done early, because all I want is to have my husband open all his gifts, but we also have to wait for Christmas. 🤣

I am so grateful for the opportunity to read about and remember the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and what His birth means to me.

We read in Helaman Chapters 13 through 15 about Samuel the Lamanite's prophecies. 

In Chapter 14, we read about his prophecies about the birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and of His death:

2 And behold, he said unto them: Behold, I give unto you a sign; for five years more cometh, and behold, then cometh the Son of God to redeem all those who shall believe on his name.

3 And behold, this will I give unto you for a sign at the time of his coming; for behold, there shall be great lights in heaven, insomuch that in the night before he cometh there shall be no darkness, insomuch that it shall appear unto man as if it was day.

4 Therefore, there shall be one day and a night and a day, as if it were one day and there were no night; and this shall be unto you for a sign; for ye shall know of the rising of the sun and also of its setting; therefore they shall know of a surety that there shall be two days and a night; nevertheless the night shall not be darkened; and it shall be the night before he is born.

5 And behold, there shall a new star arise, such an one as ye never have beheld; and this also shall be a sign unto you.

6 And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven.

7 And it shall come to pass that ye shall all be amazed, and wonder, insomuch that ye shall fall to the earth. 

20 But behold, as I said unto you concerning another sign, a sign of his death, behold, in that day that he shall suffer death the sun shall be darkened and refuse to give his light unto you; and also the moon and the stars; and there shall be no light upon the face of this land, even from the time that he shall suffer death, for the space of three days, to the time that he shall rise again from the dead. 

21 Yea, at the time that he shall yield up the ghost there shall be thunderings and lightnings for the space of many hours, and the earth shall shake and tremble; and the rocks which are upon the face of this earth, which are both above the earth and beneath, which ye know at this time are solid, or the more part of it is one solid mass, shall be broken up;  

22 Yea, they shall be rent in twain, and shall ever after be found in seams and in cracks, and in broken fragments upon the face of the whole earth, yea, both above the earth and beneath.  

23 And behold, there shall be great tempests, and there shall be many mountains laid low, like unto a valley, and there shall be many places which are now called valleys which shall become mountains, whose height is great.  

24 And many highways shall be broken up, and many cities shall become desolate.  

25 And many graves shall be opened, and shall yield up many of their dead; and many saints shall appear unto many.  

26 And behold, thus hath the angel spoken unto me; for he said unto me that there should be thunderings and lightnings for the space of many hours. 

27 And he said unto me that while the thunder and the lightning lasted, and the tempest, that these things should be, and that darkness should cover the face of the whole earth for the space of three days.

Speaking of signs from heaven, I am so excited for the Geminid meteor shower tonight! I'm also excited for the Jupiter and Saturn "double planet" next Sunday. Ricky and I are going to try to get a look at the meteor shower tonight, and I hope to be able to get a look at the double planet conjunction next weekend too!

I am so excited for Christmas this year! It's our first Christmas as husband and wife, and it's really our first Christmas together, as last year he was in Florida with his family. I can't wait to see him open his gifts, and I can't wait to see my family open their gifts, either. It's going to be an amazing Christmas. I am so grateful to have the chance to experience Christmas with my husband for the first time. I am so grateful for my sweet in-laws, who sent us our Christmas presents this week and I am so overwhelmed at the love and support I have felt from them! I can't wait to open the gifts in 12 days!

I am grateful to be able to read the scriptures and study the words of the prophets, and to see how the words in the Book of Mormon, the New Testament, and the Old Testament all testify of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the birth of the little baby Jesus. I am grateful for that night, so long ago, where a mother laid her baby in a manger filled with hay. I am so grateful that because of Him, we have the chance to start over. I am so grateful that because of Him, we have the chance to live with our families forever. Because of Him–because of the Holy Child–I have the chance to be part of a family. I have the chance to have my own family. I am so grateful to have been able to be sealed to Ricky forever this year, and I know that no matter what, we will always be husband and wife. 

I am grateful for the Christmas season, and for the love and blessings that I see in my life, and in the lives of those around me. I am grateful for the Christmas Spirit this time of year, and for the peace and joy that seems to envelop the world this time of year. 

If you missed the First Presidency Christmas devotional last week, you can watch it here. I highly recommend that you do watch it. It was really great to hear from some of our leaders and I really enjoyed the messages that they shared. 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours! I hope you have a safe holiday season, and a happy New Year! God bless you! 

Xoxo

Mattie

He answers privately.

Happy November! Can you believe it is November already?? How time flies! Ricky and I have been married now for just over five months and I can't even believe we are going to have been married for six months later this month! I was just thinking earlier today about how next month, it will be one year from the day that Ricky proposed! I can't even believe it. Time is flying by, and yet, it is going by so slowly at the same time.

I am grateful for the beautiful and wondrous world that we live in. I am grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord, and for His hand in my life. I am grateful for the blessings of the priesthood, and for the miracles that they can bring into our lives.

This week was one of the weirdest weeks, I think, for many personal reasons. But it was also one that reminded me of how blessed I am. I have had several headaches this week, and it hasn't been pleasant. But I am grateful for my husband, who has been my rock this week. He has given me a blessing, helped me with dinners, dressed up with me for Halloween, and has let me take my afternoons and evenings to work on my crafting projects as needed/wanted. He has let me rest when I needed it, and has cuddled with me when I needed it. I couldn't have asked for a better partner. He is always wanting to make sure that I am taken care of, and I am so grateful for his love and concern.

I have been watching The Chosen recently–a TV show based on the life of Jesus Christ. It is an amazing show and I highly recommend it. Today, I watched an episode that reminded me just how much our Savior loves and cares for each of us. One of Jesus' apostles, Simon, is married, and his wife's mother (his mother-in-law) has been sick, and came to stay with them. However, Simon is now a follower of Jesus, and has been traveling with Him. Simon is very worried about his wife and his mother-in-law, and how they will fare while he is out traveling with Jesus. Jesus takes time from their journey to visit Simon's wife, and address her concerns. He also takes time to heal her mother, so that Simon doesn't have to worry about them while he is out on the road. 

This episode made me emotional, as it was a reminder to me that Jesus knows our situation; He knows what we need. In life, we need to go through trials, and sometimes we might feel lost, alone, or afraid. Our Heavenly Father and Savior know what we are going through, and They know what we need. While we may not always have our trials and problems solved or erased, He blesses us and gives us peace and comfort in our trials. While our trials might not always be seen by others, they are very real to us, and I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows exactly how I feel, and who knows how to comfort me. I am so grateful that He answers ME. He can and does speak to ME. I am grateful for this knowledge and for the connection that I feel to Him. 

I am grateful for my sweet, loving, sensitive husband, who only wants me to be happy. I love his kind and caring heart, and I love that he is always willing to serve me, and to make sure that I am happy and comfortable.

I am grateful for a compassionate and empathetic Savior, who knows exactly how I am feeling, and who knows what I need. I am grateful that He listens to my prayers, and that He not only knows how to comfort me, but sends His Spirit, as well as any angels (on this side of the veil or the other) to help bring me solace. I love this beautiful version of two of my favorite hymns, Where Can I Turn for Peace? and Be Still, My Soul. Calee Reed is one of my favorite Christian artists, and her music always brings the Spirit in such beautiful ways. I hope that this song touches you and brings you any needed peace, comfort, and love.

I hope you have a wonderful week! God is so good.

Xoxo

Mattie