Sometimes our physical adventures can lead to spiritual adventures.

I am so blessed and grateful for modern-day medicine! Here's an update on what could be considered one of the craziest weeks–if not THE craziest week of my entire 22-year existence.

The moments that change our lives are random and unforeseen. However, it is up to us on how they change us. An experience like the one I am currently going through–having appendicitis and being confined to my house–could break me. If I let it. But it can also make me stronger. Which is what I am trying to get it to do. I am trying to learn and grow from it. And I am trying not to let it break me.

Tuesday night (May 21st, 2019) I went to bed around 11:30/11:45pm after doing my homework because my stomach had started bothering me, and I thought that a night of sleep would help me recuperate. I woke up at 2:10am with the pain about the same or worse. I woke up my parents, and after about 45 minutes of the pain being the same or worse, my dad took me to the emergency room at the hospital around 3:15am. They drew my blood for some tests, and took a CT scan, and when the doctor came in around 5:30am, he said it was a good thing I listened to my body because I had early appendicitis. They gave me some morphine to help with the pain, and eventually they gave me a little bit of oxygen because the morphine caused my body to slow down so much, the machine kept thinking that I had stopped breathing. 🤣

May 22nd, 2019 - Me with my best friend oxygen

They moved me to a pre-op room upstairs, where I waited for surgery. Surgery kept getting pushed back because they already had a bunch of scheduled surgeries and I was just going to be fit into whatever time they could fit me in (during this time, I met a super cute nurse who had recently gotten back from his mission early and he was hoping to be able to go back soon but wasn't sure if he would. I think I told him it will all work out, but I was so sleepy and drugged up that I can't remember 🤣). By the time I got taken up for surgery, it was probably 10:30/10:45am and I had been at the hospital for about 7 hours. I don't remember anything after they helped me get up on the operating table. When I woke up in post-op, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes opened. They wouldn't let me leave until I could keep down some water and I could walk around a bit. I finally got home around 2pm and just crashed. My doctor said that I couldn't go to work for about five days, so I made sure that I got my shifts covered for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and I let my professors know I wouldn't be in class Wednesday-Friday. 

Everyone has been SO kind, thoughtful, caring, and loving as I have been recovering! I really appreciate all the love and well-wishes! I am very grateful for the love of my Father in Heaven. He has sent me quite a few angels at this time in my life–and I am so grateful for their love and well-wishes. I appreciate those who have been praying for me, and for those who have sent me sweet messages and even get-well baskets. I am so thankful that I only had to miss three days of school and work, since Monday is Memorial Day and everything is closed/canceled that day anyway. I am so thankful for all of the time that I have had to rest and heal my body. I am feeling a lot better today than I have been the past few days, and even though I am going back to work and school on Tuesday, I am not going to be 100% yet for probably quite a few more days at the very least. 

I am grateful for the reminder that I am not alone, and that my Savior is with me, and understands me. He understands the pain I have been going through, and the suffering. Jesus suffered SO MUCH. He bled from every pore. He was whipped, hit upon, spit upon, and had a crown of thorns placed upon His head. He carried His cross up the hill to Calvary upon His back that had open wounds from being whipped and beaten. He had nails pounded into His wrists, His palms, and His feet. He died of a broken heart. He suffered for all the pains, sorrows, sins, afflictions, and temptations of the world. He suffered for you. He suffered for me. I am so thankful that I have had my Savior to turn to and to depend on in my times of need. 

In the April 2016 General Conference, then-President Uchtdorf said, "If a man can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen, struggled, or become lost? It matters not now how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trusted, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt...there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored." 

I love this quote. It reminds me of 9 years ago, this December, when the Provo Tabernacle caught on fire, and ten months later in General Conference President Monson said that we would use the Tabernacle to make another holy temple for the Lord. That is what the Lord does with us. He takes us in our brokenness and helps us to lay a new foundation–one that can help us become more of a holy temple for the Lord.

In Luke 15, Jesus gives the parable of the lost sheep, the piece of silver, and the prodigal son. Now, if you know these stories, you might be questioning how they apply to my experience this week. I'll explain. 

Luke 15:4-5 says, "4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." 

In this parable, we are the sheep. Jesus is our Shepherd, and when we lose our way, we become the lost sheep. Now, this week, I didn't necessarily become 'lost' in the typical way we think of. I didn't stray off the path. I didn't fall away. But I did 'lose myself'. I had appendicitis. I had to go to the hospital. I had to take medicine that didn't always help me think clearly. I've been sleeping off and on for five days. I've had previous engagements that I had to cancel because I've been sick and recuperating. I kind of 'fell away' from the world for a bit. I've been homebound. I've felt alone, and lost. But my Savior has known where I have been the whole time. He has sent me angels, friends, ministers, and my family to 'find me'. To pick me up. To lead me home.

Luke 15:8-9 says, "8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost."

In this parable, we are the pieces of silver. Jesus is the woman, and when we are lost, He does not stop searching till He finds us. In my pain this week, and in my sleeping it off, I might have become a little lost. I might have forgotten who I am. Whose I am. I might have forgotten that I have a loving Father in Heaven who cares for me. But He never forgot about me.

Luke 15:11-32 is a lot longer, so a few of my favorite scriptures from this parable are: "18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in they sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring froth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet... 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

In this parable, we are the lost son. The prodigal son. I have heard that this parable should be called the parable of the prodigal sonS plural because even the son who stayed at home was also technically a prodigal son. Anyway, that is not the point of this parable in regards to my week. In regards to my week, I approached my dad and asked for help, much like the prodigal son who left. And my dad took me to the hospital, and gave me a blessing, and helped me get through this experience. 

One thing that I love about all of the parables that Jesus shares is how applicable they are to EVERYTHING. Until I was writing this, I never would have thought that I could apply the parables of the lost sheep, piece of silver, and son to an experience with appendicitis. But I can. And I did. And there is a lot more in our lives that we can apply these parables to.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His love and support. I am grateful for my father on earth, who not only gave me a wonderful blessing last week right before my surgery, but a few weeks ago when I was struggling with school and life in general. I am grateful that I know that I am not lost to Him. I am grateful that I know that I am always within His sights. And I am grateful that I know that He loves me always, and has the greatest of plans for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

His love for me is greater than I can imagine.

God has an incredibly special plan for me.

I was just browsing Facebook, chilling, and looking at all of the things that my friends are doing in their lives...and I had that thought. "God has an incredibly special plan for me." For me. His plan for me is tailor-made for me. I don't entirely know what He has planned for me 🤣 but I am so excited to find out in time. Sometimes I wish I could find out faster...but that's not how it works.

This week has been incredibly long...and I had a lot that happened...but I am grateful that I have my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, to lean on.

One thing that has been incredibly difficult for me lately is that I have been struggling to find a balance. My schedule is incredibly busy and full right now, and I am struggling to find a balance between sleep, homework, school, work, and my rest and relaxation time. I am very excited that I have only ONE MONTH left of school!!! But I am incredibly disappointed that it is going by so slow. Please pray that I will have the patience to get through it! 🤣

I am very grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father, and for His kindness, and for His mercy. He loves me more than I can comprehend. I am grateful for the people that He sends into my life, and for the experiences that help me learn and grow. Even if I don't understand at the moment, and even if I don't ever understand in this life, I know that everything will come together in the end. It's sometimes hard to look at my life and realize that it's not where I thought I would be right now...but I am very grateful for where I am right now. I know that I've got a lot of growth to do, and I'm grateful that I have my Heavenly Father to help me.

I know that God has great blessings and plans for me. I know it. I know it's hard to see sometimes, and sometimes it's difficult to even believe that God's plan for me is better than the plans that I have for myself, but I know that He and I discussed my life here on Earth, and I agreed to it. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I thought that I would be able to handle it with His help. And He knows that I can handle it with His help. And, as I look back on my life...I know that I can handle it.

I hope ya'll have had a great weekend and that you have a wonderful week!! God loves you very much and I am so grateful for you!! I am grateful for your insights, your influence, your love, and your strength and determination to do what's right. I love you!

Xoxo
Mattie

Life is hard, but that's why God gave us mothers.

Happy Mother's Day! I am so thankful for my mother! She has sacrificed so much for my family, and for me. I am so grateful for her love and support, and her example to me.

I am grateful for the teachings of the prophets on women and motherhood. In the October 2018 Women's Session of General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson, "Every woman is a mother by virtue of her eternal divine destiny." He goes on to discuss how special the influence of women is on the world, and how we tend to think of others first, and how things that we do will affect people.

In the October 2017 General Conference, Sister Joy D. Jones, second counselor in the Primary General Presidency, shared a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, "God is your Father. He loves you. He and your Mother in Heaven value you beyond any measure.  ... You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life. Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood." She then went on to discuss the difference between worth and worthiness. Our worth–as a child of God, as a human, as a person–is unchanging. He loves us, and when we value ourselves as He does, we can learn and grow immensely, because we are able to see ourselves as He does.

In the April 2016 General Conference, Sister Neill F. Marriott, second counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, quotes Elder Orson F. Whitney, who said, "All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, ... purifies our hearts ... and makes us more tender and charitable, ... and it is through ... trial and tribulation, that we gain the education ... which will make us more like our Father and Mother in Heaven." She said, "The Lord's Church needs Spirit-directed women who use their unique gifts to nurture, to speak up, and to defend gospel truth. Our inspiration and intuition are necessary parts of building the kingdom of God, which really means doing our part to bring salvation to God's children." I love this quote, because I know so many women who are so, so special, spiritual, nurturing, and intelligent. They are wonderful examples to me of how to listen to the promptings of the Spirit, and how to be loving and nurturing. 

Mothers that I know and love have often shared with me how inadequate they feel, and how they feel like they are failing their children, and their Father in Heaven, who entrusted these precious souls of His to them. I am going to tell you one thing:

YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

All that you have to offer your family is enough. Your children need your influence, and your love and support. Not only that, but those around you need your love and support. There have been many, many, many women in my life who have been mothers to me–even if they weren't mothers, and even if they weren't married. 

I have had women in my life who were my roommates, and they mothered me as often as I needed it. They loved me, and cared for me, but it was just natural. They didn't go out of their way to do it. They just did it. They listened, loved, and served me.

I have had women in my life who were leaders at church, or one of the bishopric member's wives, and they mothered me and gave me so much love–I always felt loved and at home, even when I wasn't at home. 

I have had all kinds of women in my life who have mothered me, and they all listened, loved, and served me–and THAT is motherhood. Listening, loving, and serving; that's all there is to it! I am so grateful for the women in my life who have made time for me, and who have blessed me, and helped me.

I hope that, as I have been growing and learning in the last few years, and as I have served and helped those in my life, I hope that I blessed their life as much as the women in my life have blessed my life.

Life is hard, but that is why God gave us MOTHERS! 💜

Happy Mother's Day!

Xoxo

Mattie

Fear leads to doubt, faith leads to trust.

One thing that I have been thinking about a lot this week is fear and faith. Faith and fear cannot exist at the same time. Fear is such an overpowering emotion that it leaves no room for any other emotions. Faith is such an uplifting and empowering emotion that it lifts you up beyond any other emotions you would feel.

Elder Uchtdorf has said about fear, "It is true that fear can have a powerful influence over our actions and behavior. But that influence tends to be temporary and shallow. Fear rarely has the power to change our hearts, and it will never transform us into people who love what is right and who want to obey Heavenly Father."

In that same talk, Elder Uchtdorf also gives us insight into how God motivates us to follow Him. He said, "He sent His Son! God sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to show us the right way. God motivates through persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned. God is on our side. He loves us, and when we stumble, He wants us to rise up, try again, and become stronger. He is our mentor. He is our great and cherished hope. He desires to stimulate us with faith. He trusts us to learn from our missteps and make correct choices."

I love these quotes from Elder Uchtdorf because it's a wonderful reminder that Heavenly Father LOVES US and wants us to be happy, and He wants us to learn and grow. As we have faith in Him, and follow Him, we can get up and try again each time we fall. We can change and improve as we take the time to focus on the things He wants for us.

Sometimes, we just need to take a leap of faith. We just need to do it.

One time I was struggling to focus and my roommate Sabrina showed me this video.
Even though I'd already seen it before it made me smile.
Now, every time I am struggling, I think of this video and Sabrina, and I know that
I CAN DO IT.

God will bless us as we take the time to pray, and make a decision. He will guide and direct us if we are not going in the direction that He knows we need to be going in. But we must choose. 

In a talk by Sister Virginia H. Pearce from 1992, she says, "Why is fear part of earth life? Perhaps our Heavenly Father's greatest hope is that through our fears we may choose to turn to Him. The uncertainties of earth life can help to remind each of us that we are dependent on Him. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to Him, choose to trust Him, and choose to allow Him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking." 

Elder Gerrit W. Gong said last October, "Our Savior knows our circumstances. As we exercise God-given agency and engage all our faculties in humility and faith, our Savior, Jesus Christ, can help us meet life's challenges and joys. Faith includes a desire and choice to believe. Faith also comes from obeying God's commandments, given to bless us, as we follow His covenant path."

I love these two quotes! In order for us to learn and grow, we must make choices. As we choose to turn to our Father in Heaven and our Savior, we are learning and growing. As we make more and more decisions to trust Them, we become less afraid and more faithful.

I know that it is often really hard to trust God, especially when something you want seems to be out of the picture or His radar, but I promise that as you trust Him, the path that you are currently on seems clear, and the path that you are hoping to take in the future doesn't seem so impossible.

I love my Heavenly Father and I am so thankful for the example of my Savior. I know that They love me so much and are rooting for me, and I am so thankful for Their support in my life, as well as the people in my life that They help place in my path.

Life is hard, but you have to remember to reach up for your Lifeguard's hand because He walks on water and will not let you drown. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Discovering yourself.

Well, I did it, guys!!

Graduation Day!

Last Friday, the 26th of April, 2019, I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!! I am so thankful for all of my friends, family, and loved ones who have supported me these last four years! It has been quite a journey, but because of them, I was able to make it! I am grateful for all of the experiences that I have had here at BYU.

I'm grateful for my Savior, who has been there to help me, lift me, and carry me when I was down. I am grateful for all of the wonderful friends I've made, and all of the amazing people I've met. I am grateful for the chances I've had to create deep and lasting friendships and relationships with the people who have been in my life these last four years. I am grateful for the examples of my friends, and for their love and support during my darkest and lowest moments. I know Heavenly Father sent them to me because He knew that they would not only help me then, but ever after.

I am so excited for the future, and I am so grateful for the support of my Heavenly Father in my decisions and plans of what I want to do with my life right now and in the near future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think that it is important for me to discuss this, because it has been a large part of my life these last few years, but I want you to know that NOTHING would ever make me want to do something extreme. (Either that, or I honestly would be too lazy and tired to do it.)

As many of you may know, I have anxiety and depression. I am pretty sure that I have had anxiety my whole life (or at least a large portion of my life), but I think that my depression began after I started college–I'm not sure, but it doesn't entirely matter. 

Anyway.

The first summer when I discovered I had depression was probably the hardest. It was not only my first summer away from home, but it was my first summer staying at an apartment complex in Provo. It was also my first summer with no room roommate (though I had had no room roommate for four months before summer started), and I wasn't expecting that. I loved my roommates–still do–and I had a fun time that summer, but I felt very...isolated. My job that summer was working as a custodian for BYU Catering, so I had random hours when there were events, in addition to my consistent hours from 4-8pm, Monday thru Friday. It was hard because I couldn't really ever do anything with my friends sometimes because we wouldn't always be back in time for me to go to work. 

I started seeing a therapist and really felt like it was helping. 

But.

There were still times where I thought, "I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared from the Earth–as if I had never existed?" or "I wonder what it would be like to just sink to the bottom of the pool?" I never really wanted to do anything about it, but I felt like I had no purpose, and I felt very, very alone and sad sometimes. Even when I was hanging out with my friends. I would leave to get ready for work, and I would try to say goodbye, but everyone was having so much fun, they didn't often notice. So I would walk to work by myself, which was oftentimes relaxing, but sometimes made me sad because I had been swimming with my friends, or watching a movie with them, or playing a game, or doing something much funner than working. Walking home was better–I felt relieved that work was over and that I got to go home and eat and rest. 

There were three things that kept me going at this point in time. The first two things were not things, but people. 

Stadium of Fire with my roommates!

The first person was my roommate and friend Carrie. I always felt like she really cared about me, and I knew I could talk to her about anything and it would be okay. She tried to get me involved with things, and out doing things. There wasn't often much she could do about my situations and feelings, but she listened, and that was enough.

I always felt loved when I was around Carrie, and I always felt included and much happier when I was around her. I believe she was an angel sent to me from Heavenly Father to help me remember what happiness feels like.

Hiking with my friends!
I wanted to turn around so many times,
but they wouldn't let me. AND they carried me when I fell–literally!

The second person was my friend Haley. She always made me feel loved and tried to help me see the bright side of things. We talked a lot–sometimes about nothing, sometimes about everything. She couldn't really do anything to fix me, but she would sit with me, talk with me, and listen to me, and that was enough.

Haley always brought the Spirit into my life when I was around her, and I always felt so much love from her. I believe she was an angel sent to me from Heavenly Father to help me remember what the Spirit feels like. 

Both Carrie and Haley were blessings in my life because they were so close to the Spirit, and I really looked up to them for that. I loved that they both always knew just what I needed to hear, and I really admired their strength and determination to follow the promptings of the Spirit, and listen to Heavenly Father. 

Ward Choir!

The third thing was my calling. That summer, I became the assistant choir director, and then I became the choir director. That calling changed my life. I felt like I had a purpose, and I loved being able to bring the Spirit to our church meetings through the music that we prepared. We did two musical firesides that year–for Christmas and Easter–and I am SO thankful for how wonderfully they turned out! I felt so much love and appreciation for the music, for the people in my ward choir (and in my ward), and I felt like I was making a difference.

Even two years later, after I've been to see a therapist about 15 to 20 times throughout the past two years (which has been helping me IMMENSELY), and while I have been taking medication for my anxiety and depression, there are still times where I wonder what I am doing here–where I wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone. Where I wonder what would happen if I just never woke up. Where I wonder if I am lost, and will never be found. 

These thoughts scare me sometimes, but I always turn to one of my friends, or I turn on my church music playlist, to help me feel better, and to get out of that slump. And I also turn to my Father in Heaven. I cry to Him–literally–which makes me wonder if that is what Enos meant when he said he "cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul" and I can't help but imagine this big, macho man crying tears to God and it makes me giggle a little at how sweet that scene is. I have always admired Enos, who prayed and prayed and prayed for hours, and I know how taxing that must be, but he kept praying. How admirable is that?

I can't help but think–there MUST be something I can do to make a difference. There MUST be a reason for me to be here, and there must be something that only I can give to the world. I have been asking and asking Heavenly Father, and searching and searching the scriptures and my soul, but I can't figure it out! 

Trying to figure out your purpose here on Earth is very, very taxing and tiring. My soul feels very stretched and exhausted. I have always wanted to be a mother, and to find someone to share my life with, but nothing I have ever tried to do has worked out. I don't know what else to do but to keep going with my life. I can't wait around for someone–I don't want to wait around for someone because I don't have time to: I've got three classes left to take in Spring Term, and then I will be working full-time at my new job that I start working part-time tomorrow. I am so excited! It is going to be really fun! I can't wait!

Even though college has been really stressful for me, I am so grateful for my experiences at BYU. I am so grateful for the people that I have met, for the friends that I have made, and for the love that I have felt. I know that there is more for me than school, and I am excited to discover what else is out there!

It has been a long road to get to where I am today, and though I am not always pleased with where I am mentally or emotionally, I know that I am trying my best, and that is all that I can do. So I know that my Savior will make up the difference. Because He has been doing that my whole life. So why would He stop now? He wouldn't. He doesn't.

I am thankful for a loving Father and Mother in Heaven, and for my Elder Brother, who sacrificed so much for me even though I know I don't always deserve it. I know that I have something to give to this world–it's waiting to be discovered! I just need to keep looking for it.

I hope you have a wonderful week! Happy Springtime! You are so, so loved!! 💜💜💜

Xoxo
Mattie

Because of Him.

Happy Easter! I know that my Redeemer lives! I know that Jesus Christ lived, died, and was resurrected to save us all. I am grateful for the reminder that life does not end after death...because of Him.

I am grateful for the knowledge and testimony I have that He lives. So grateful for the chances I have to share my testimony with others. I was able to sing "One by One" in sacrament meeting today and I hope and pray that I really brought the Spirit to the meeting. I know that we are all ministered to one by one, and I know that we will all be able to live again because of Him. I am so grateful that I will be able to see my family and friends who have passed away again someday.

I am grateful for the example of my Savior–throughout His ministry, as well as during His last week here on Earth. He showed so much love and compassion for those who wanted to follow Him. He healed the sick and afflicted, and He loved His followers. But He also showed love for those who wanted to crucify Him...and that is the biggest example of all. He endured all He did because He knew that we needed Him. He was the only one who could do it, and He did it for us. He loved us, and He loved His Father so much, that He was willing to do the Father's will so that we could all have the opportunity to return to live with Heavenly Father and be saved. Jesus Christ knew that not everyone would take advantage of His sacrifice, but He did it for them anyway because He still loved them.

I am grateful for His sacrifice, and for His love for me. I am grateful that He is always there to help me, and that He sends angels here on Earth to be with me, and to love me, and to help me recognize that I am not alone, that I am not unloved, and that I am blessed. I am grateful that He understands what I am going through, and that He is always there to catch me when I fall.

I am grateful for the chance that I have to try and try and try and try again and again and again...because of Him. I am grateful for the chance I have to be with my loved ones again...because of Him. I am grateful for the chance that I have to grow closer to my Father in Heaven...because of Him. I am grateful for the chance I have to learn how to have faith...because of Him. I am grateful for the chance I have to live with my family forever...because of Him.

This is from 2012 but is a reminder of how much we have grown.
I love my siblings so much and am so grateful
for each of their personalities and what
they bring to our family. 

Heavenly Father knows what He is doing. I can't imagine my life without my brothers and sisters, and I am so grateful for them. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has a bigger plan for me. My life isn't always exactly what I want it to be...but I know that it is always what it needs to be.

Happy Easter, friends. "He is not here, for He is risen!"

Xoxo
Mattie

God blessed the broken road.

I am feeling so grateful and blessed! It has been quite a week! What with feeling pumped from conference, getting a bunch of calls from places that I applied to, getting 1st place at the BYU Fulton Conference in the college of Family Life, to getting A JOB FOR AFTER GRADUATION! I am so excited for it! I can't believe my dreams are coming true! I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father! I know that He has been blessing me lately, even when I couldn't always see it. I am thankful for the confirmation from Him that this is what He wants me to do.

Yesterday I went to the temple and I ran into two friends and it was so nice to see them! I also was able to really just feel the Spirit, and feel confirmation and peace about the things that I have planned for the future.

I absolutely LOVED the talks in sacrament meeting today! Sarah talked a lot about personal revelation, spiritual experiences, and gaining a testimony. My favorite thing that she talked about was how mental health, spirituality, and revelation go hand-in-hand. Sometimes your body can't receive revelation and you think that God isn't talking to you but that's not true. He is always there and He is always speaking to you. I really loved it because I've felt like God isn't speaking to me, and looking back, it's been in the past few years...which is when my mental health took a decline. So my body wasn't capable of receiving revelation...because my mind was sick. Once Sarah put that thought into words, things made a lot more sense.

In Relief Society today we talked about what we loved about conference. I loved what someone said she got from conference...She said, "Don't judge...just help each other and do your best." I love this because I got a similar message from conference. I got a message of love, service, and just trying your best.

Someone said, "Everything makes sense with the gospel because everything is because of the gospel." I loved that. Life is made easier with the gospel–with Christ–because everything is because of the gospel, and because of Christ. When my life is centered in Christ, and in the gospel, everything makes sense. I might not always understand what's going on, but I know that, no matter what, He is with me, and He loves me.

One of the last things we were talking about was how we should step forward and trust the Lord. Take His promptings for you and show Him that you trust Him. I really feel like I have been trying to do this lately. I have been trying to show Him that I trust Him. I realized that I needed to choose. I needed to make a decision about where I wanted to go. I had been asking and asking Heavenly Father to help guide me to making the decision...but I wasn't getting an answer. I felt like He was silent...but looking back, His silence was the answer. He left the decision up to me. So when I finally made a decision...I told Him if He didn't approve of my decision, He'd have to be very obvious in letting me know that He had a different idea for me. And He paved the way for me to get the job, so I knew that He approved of my choice.

I am very blessed and grateful for so many things that I have been blessed with...the blessing of music, the blessing of family, the blessing of love, the blessing of revelation, and the blessing of peace. I am so grateful for loving friends who are always willing to lend a helping hand and a listening ear.

I know that things happen for a reason, and I know that God has led me to today, and to this job. I am so grateful for the chance I have to be a part of something that I love and something that inspires me. I am so excited for the future and for the next adventures of my life! I am grateful that my Heavenly Father is so loving and kind. I am grateful that He is always there for me and that He supports me in all of my endeavors and dreams.

Xoxo
Mattie