Progress, not perfection.

It's been a beautiful week coming back to camp! I was well-rested from my time at home and I had a lot of energy the first couple of days. It has mellowed out now and I can control it more, but it's still there.

This week I've been trying to be more Christlike. I've been trying to be nicer, more thoughtful, and more focused on my tasks that I have to do–there's more but those are the top three. I'm not perfect at them, but I'm proud of my progress so far. 

Pat–our camp chaplain–shares a quote each day at breakfast. The quote the other day was: "God doesn't expect perfection but He does expect progress." For some reason that really resonated with me. Maybe because of all the failures I've had with overcoming and fixing different parts of me. Or maybe not, I don't know. What I do know is this: I'm trying to be better each day than I was the day before, each day I've made some progress, and ANY amount of progress is okay! As long as you are working to make an effort, God is proud of you. 

There's a spot in camp that I like to go on Saturdays because it's really peaceful and quiet, and out of the way of other people. I go there to sit, think, and ponder. I go there when I'm in need of a break, or when I am just in need of time for me without other people. Since I'm alone, I talk to Heavenly Father out loud. It gets really emotional really fast, but it's really helpful for me to talk to Him about all of the things I'm going through because He completely understands. And the great thing is that even when I'm completely indecipherable or inconsolable, the peace of the water around me, the sounds of the birds–they all help bring me back to earth. 

I've learned a lot this summer. And I'm sure I still have more to learn. But I've learned that even when I don't feel Him, relying on my Heavenly Father keeps me grounded. I've learned that He's always blessing me–even when I don't always hear Him. I've learned that even when I feel like I don't make a difference, and when I feel unnoticed, I am making a difference–somehow, to someone, I am making a difference. It's true that I might not always be noticed, but more often than not I am noticed, and I am missed. 

I don't know what kind of impact I'm going to have on the world. Or even if I will have an impact on the world. But I do know this: the world is going to have an impact on me. And I can't wait to find it, and feel it. 

I hope you have a beautiful week!! I hope you find someone who needs your help and love, and I hope you find something new and special about yourself. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Peace and joy are nearness to God.

Finals week is definitely a week of stress. However, I am (fortunately or unfortunately) under-stressed this week hahaha–I know I should be stressed–because I have many things to do on top of my tests which I am definitely worried about a little bit–and I will probably become more stressed when I am taking the tests or as they get closer, but currently at this time, I am not even stressed. Which is fine.

Putting aside finals week, however, I am so happy and excited! I'm going home at the end of the week, and I've got some things I'm working on and it's going to be great! No overthinking on my part. When I was planning it there was some overthinking but I'm past that stage now. :)

I'm grateful for church today! I felt a lot of peace today, which is great. :)

The sacrament hymn today inspired the thoughts I had during the sacrament today–not that it normally doesn't, but today I was just able to pick a certain thought from it:

In the sacrament hymn "Jesus, Once of Humble Birth", the line "Once forsaken, left alone" really stood out to me today. Heavenly Father had to leave His Son alone because He could not bear to watch Him suffer. Because of that, Jesus Christ knows exactly how it feels to be utterly and completely alone. And He will never leave you alone, or comfortless. He was born to save us, and He lived and died to save us all, so of course He will be there for us. That is why He is our Savior–so that He can be there for us when no one else will be. I know that He is always there when you feel like no one else is. He is there. 

 One of the things that was said in sacrament meeting today was something that I loved and had never thought of before: "Peace and joy are nearness to God." As we come to Him, and approach Him, we will be able to feel peace and joy. I loved that. Another thing that was mentioned was that God receives His glories when we grow spiritually. I liked that–as we do good deeds, we are glorifying God.

In Gospel Principles we talked about love. A few things that we said what we thought love was were:
-Sacrifice/Selflessness/Putting someone else's needs before yours
-Love can be pain
-Love is time
We also noted that people feel love in different ways.
Andrew asked if we could love someone we don't know. A couple things we talked about were:
-Through God, you can love everyone. Because God loves everyone, if you love God, you can love everyone through your love of God.
-We also talked about how even though it might be tough at first, as you show love for someone you don't know–as you proceed as if you love them–you can learn to love them. It's like with faith–sometimes you don't have enough faith to do something, but if you proceed as if you have the faith, you will grow in that faith. If you proceed as if you have the love for that person, you will grow in that love and will come to love them.

In Relief Society, we talked about following the example of Jesus Christ.

First we talked about what some things that go into creating a Christlike life:
-Love
-Sense of purpose
-Awareness (for others)
-Obedience
There are many more things, but these are some of the core things that Jesus Christ exemplified in His ministry on earth.

We then talked about how to develop Christlike attributes. First and foremost, you have to work on one thing at a time. It will be easier for you and less stressful. Second, read the scriptures. Sometimes we know that we need to work on things, but we don't know what to work on. By reading the scriptures, you can find some more examples of Christlike attributes and also things that you need to be working on. Remember to see yourself as He sees you, and as you know He sees others. You are His, too, and He loves you and knows your worth.

Then we discussed Jesus Christ's example. He set the perfect example. "What a marvelous example for us to follow! Even in the midst of great personal sorrow and pain, our Exemplar reached out to bless others. … His was not a life focused on the things he did not have. It was a life of reaching out in service to others." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Howard W. Hunter, pg 308). I'm not perfect–oftentimes there are things that I want but don't have–but one thing that I do know and love and try to do always is serve others. I love serving others in whatever way I can. In serving and making their lives easier, my problems seem to go away. Even if it's a little out-of-my-way, I will drop everything if someone needs me.

The last question that was asked that was more of a thinking question was, "What will you give up to make room for the Savior?" I loved that question because there are many things that I can give up to make room for my Savior. I'm working on that but I thought that it was a nice question to share so you guys could think about that. 

I'm grateful for my Savior, and for His presence in my life. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to grow to become more like Him. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to serve and make my family and friends' lives easier (also the occasional stranger). I'm grateful for the strengths I have, and I'm grateful for the weaknesses I have which enable me to develop more strengths. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father and for His love and guidance. I'm grateful for the Christmas season, and the chance that I have to think about and focus on the life of my Savior, and how I can be better about becoming more like Him. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to find and have peace and joy. I know that as you go out of your way to serve others that you will be blessed. I know that as you come to love those around you, you will be able to love more fully and service will become easier for you. I know that as you turn to your Heavenly Father, not only will you find peace and joy, He will help you turn weaknesses into strengths, and He will help you know what you need to do to change into who He needs you to be. He loves you and knows the sacrifices you make. You will blessed for putting the needs of others above your own.

For those of you in school (learning or teaching), I wish you a (hopefully) relaxing last week of school before Christmas break! For those not, lucky you! I love you all and hope you have a wonderful holiday season. 💕

Xoxo
Mattie

A New Year means a new Me.

Hi! I had a busy day today. I was watching my friend's little boy (he's SO adorable! ❤️) for several hours. He's sooo cute and I just LOVE watching him play and have fun!! :) [Side note that I could probably leave out and is on my "Mattie Don't Do That" list but I'm Me so I won't leave it out and I will do it: If I could somehow split myself into multiple Mattie's, thus enabling me to watch him whenever she needs (as well as allowing me do what I need to do) I totally would]
I can't wait till the day when I get to watch my own little babies play and have fun, but for now, I will have to live with watching other people's–which is fine by me. More exposure to lots of kids who are just so cute! :)

It's almost a new year! New year, new me, new experiences, and new goals. It's all so exciting!! Buuuuuuut also terrifying. I'm not going to lie–I'm kind of terrified. I have a different work schedule this upcoming semester–the lunch shift Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. SO my afternoons/evenings are cleared up because my last classes on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays end at 3! So I'm super grateful for that. But this job pays less than my custodial job that I had the first half of the semester. And I have slightly fewer hours, as well. So it's a giant cut in my pay and I'm a little worried about that. Also, I'm not sure if I'll be doing spring semester or not–I still have to talk to my parents about that.

ANYWAY, this new year brings on New Year's Resolutions! The fun to-do/work on list that practically everyone quits following after a month or two. ;) I'm going to try really, really, really hard this year, though. My New Year's Resolutions are as follows:

1. To have consistent and meaningful scripture study and prayer. I am really bad at this–I will either get one or the other. This year I want to try and get both. It will be easier this year, I think, for this semester I am not working early in the morning or till 10 at night. But we will see. 
2. To be patient–with myself and others. I usually am more patient with others than I am with myself, but sometimes I get a little frustrated with others (though I try not to let it show because it's not their fault, and they're not doing anything wrong, it's just me being me). So I'm going to try and be better about that this year. Especially with myself, too. I am still, uh, healing, I guess, from something that impacted me greatly a couple of years ago and I just need to be patient with myself and work on it one day at a time.
3. To have kind words, thoughts, and actions. This one has become a bigger part of my life in more recent years as I've grown up. I am trying so hard to be a good person but it's getting a little bit harder as I am becoming more exposed to the world. 
4. To keep up/be ahead with my homework. This will be a little difficult, but hopefully less difficult, since my work schedule is on my days off, and my evenings are going to be cleared up. 
5. To manage my time well. I am bad at this. I either guess how much time something will take me to do wrong, or I put it off more than I should have, or both, or something else equally as bad. Anyway, I am going to try to be better about this.
6. To not be afraid to do something fun and/or spontaneous. This one I have trouble with sometimes. I worry about how much time it will take, or if I should have done that (that being any number of things from "Should I have sent that text?" to "Oh my gosh, I should not have waited so long to do this *fun thing* or *this thing I have to do sometime*"). Anyway, I worry about the time, or if I should have done that, or whatever, when I should just relish and bask in the fun-ness and the spontaneity of whatever I am/will be doing. 
7. To be more friendly. Sometimes I'm super friendly, but sometimes I get really shy or intimidated because that's just who I am. I have been getting a lot better (especially since I started college) but I have also been thinking and worrying a lot more (also especially since I started college) which needs to stop! So, cue number 8.
8. To not think or worry so much. This one is going to be the most difficult, I think, because it is just in my nature. I can't help it. I overthink everything and I stress about a lot of things that I don't/can't always control. Sometimes it's good, but a lot of the time it just makes me more stressed and worried. So I am going to try to keep it down. I'm never going to stop thinking or worrying, but I can definitely try to do it less often/intensely.
9. To a) be more Christlike; and b) turn to my Savior more often. As in daily. I need to remember that He is there for me whenever I need Him and that He will help me through anything and everything that I need to do. He will always be there for me, and I do not have to do anything alone.

As you can see, I have quite a list, which is a little intimidating, but also exciting! Usually I only have one or two things. This year, I have NINE! (Ten if you count 9 as two things, but eh) That's a little scary but I know that I can do it! As I focus on turning to my Savior, and being more like Him, I know that everything else will fall into place. I'm super excited for this new year–it's going to be way different, but also kind of the same. Here's to a new year, new goals, new experiences, new classes, new friends, new relationships, and a new me. :)

P.S. This is entirely irrelevant but I still haven't been on a(n official) date yet since I started college, and you know what? I've decided that I am completely okay with that and I'm not going to worry about it. It'll happen when it'll happen. And besides, I'm still trying to figure out exactly who I am–which is kind of being troublesome. Throw dating into that mix and I will be a completely chaotic and insanely mad mess. ;)