Answers to prayers.

Today I made a conscious effort to write down the things that I want to improve on this week. Most of them are personal, so I will not share them, but I will say that one improvement I want to make is to be able to be more patient with my kiddos at work. Sometimes it is exhausting trying to teach them and get them to listen, and I get frustrated a lot, but I want to be better at being patient and more loving towards them.

During the sacrament, I was thinking about how grateful I am for the Atonement, and for the chance to repent and start again. For the chance to press the reset button and try again. Every week I need to try again. So I am grateful for my Savior, who has given me the chance to do so.

In Sunday School, someone brought up the fact that God has a measuring stick for each of us, and I thought that that was really inspiring. We measure ourselves differently than He does, and there are a few moments where we measure things similarly to Him, but more often than not, His measures are different than ours. 

Despite the fact that I will not be starting school this week or in a few weeks like some people, I am still feeling very stressed about the fact that I am teaching! I'm grateful for the opportunity, I really am, but sometimes I don't feel very capable or even worthy to teach these kiddos. It amazes me each and every day how I even got here.

Friday was a different day at work–we had to do some makeshift stuff and move kids around. My kids all got moved, and one of my kids got moved to a different class and he had a really hard time. It broke my heart when I went in to give one of my coworkers a break because he was crying and also so happy to see me because he thought we were going back to class. When I left, he was still crying. Somehow this experience was all sorts of heartbreaking. One: he was so sad, and I couldn't help him feel less sad. 2) When I walked in, he was so happy to see me. It broke my heart because I was so sad to see him sad, but I was so happy that I was someone that he was starting to feel comfortable with. 

Lately I've been reading/listening to General Conference talks, and this week I read "Answers to Prayer" by Elder Brook P. Hales, and he said, "Brothers and sisters, sometimes our prayers are answered quickly with the outcome we hope for. Sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way we hope for, yet with time we learn that God had greater blessings prepared for us than we initially anticipated. And sometimes our righteous petitions to God will not be granted in this life." 

Right now, I feel like my prayers are not being answered in the way that I hoped they would be, and I am trying to learn to be okay with that but it's harder than I expected it would be. I'm looking into adding new hobbies to my repertoire and I have a few ideas but absolutely no idea how to do them yet. But first, I have to tackle my room. I've been working on it all summer but I've also been busy all summer so it is taking me longer than I planned, but I am hopeful that I will be able to get it done this week if I work on it every day after work.

Then, once my physical life (work, my room, etc.) is prepared and all cleaned up, I can work on adding new hobbies. Slowly, and one at a time. And who knows, maybe I won't be able to get into the hobbies I'm thinking about right now, but maybe they'll open my eyes to other hobbies.

I am grateful for friends who are the answers to my prayers, and I am grateful for a God who knows the people and answers that I need. I am lucky to have so many amazing and wonderful people in my life and I am grateful for the blessings that they are in my life, and for the blessings that they add to my life.

I know that God loves me, and I know that He is looking out for me. In His own special way, He is making sure that I have what I need in life. 

Hopefully this week goes well for us all! Good luck with those who are dealing with back to school stuff–you got this!!

Xoxo

Mattie

He does not give up on you.

You never realize just how much you have to work on changing and improving yourself until you're studying the scriptures. And spending time with people. No one on earth is perfect. We all have weaknesses and make mistakes. We all have times where we struggle. But with Him, we can overcome. With Him, we can start again. And again. And again. With Him, we can keep trying. Though we will never be perfect in this life, we can align ourselves on the path with which we can someday become perfect through Christ. He will be with us every step of the way, and He won't let us fall.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to perform in sacrament meeting today! I'm grateful for Carrie and Megan, who agreed to perform with me and accompany me. They really helped make the experience amazing. I wasn't really super nervous until right before we were performing but it went amazingly and surprisingly well! I'm grateful for the message of "A Child's Prayer" and for the love that is so evident in the song. I'm grateful for the Spirit, and for the love that He helps us feel, and for the answers He helps us receive, and for the comfort and assurances that He gives.

I have had a really great week and weekend. I have learned a lot from my scripture study, and from talking and experiencing life with my friends. I've learned that I need to start being grateful for things that I do, and have, and not stress so much about things that I don't, and don't have. I learned that I can do amazing things and that I am stronger than I think I am. I learned that I am doing good things, but I can be doing better. I learned that there is moderation in all things, including emotions, which is something that I'd never thought about before, but RD (my therapist) brought it up on Friday and I really loved that. I learned that I need to re-evaluate my priorities in life and that I need to look past the surface, and focus on the essence. I need to take the little pieces, and use them to make something bigger, and brighter, and more beautiful. I learned that I am beginning to see myself differently, and on the whole, it's a good different. I learned that there is more to me than what I think, and I learned that there is more to life than what I think.