Every new chapter of your life will demand a different version of you.

It's been a stressful, sad, long, exhausting week. I finished my finals (stressful, exhausting) and packed and cleaned to move out of my apartment (stressful, sad, exhausting, long). It's bittersweet to be home for the summer–I'm excited for the new adventures I will go on, but I'm going to miss my friends. I love my family and I love spending time with them, but after living and spending most of my time with other people for two years, I am really, really sad that things won't be the same. It was really hard saying goodbye yesterday even though I know I'm going to see them again. It's hard to say goodbye to the people who have really been an influence in your life for the past two years, and it's hard to say goodbye to the people who have loved you, served you, cared for you, and blessed you for two years. I love them so much, and I am going to have a hard time not seeing them every day. Even though I need change in my life every so often, it's still hard. It's way harder than I like it to be, but I'm grateful that goodbyes don't have to be forever. 

I loved the messages in church today! Today we focused a lot on ministering, and service, and one of the speakers in sacrament meeting gave a list of three things that encompass the idea of ministering:
1. Being aware (of their needs, of those who need help, etc.)
2. Invitation (invitations of healing, friendship, places of safety/love, etc.)
3. Reach out in sacrifice and service (sacrifices of your time, food, etc.)

I loved this! Ministering just involves loving, and being considerate and aware of the needs of those around us. Ministering is motivated by the pure love of Christ. If you see a need, fill it. Just find a way to bless and love those around you.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who have been amazing examples of ministering! I've been on the receiving end, the giving end, and I've watched my friends minister to others and I am so blessed! I learn so much from them!

I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. He has blessed me so much in the past year, and in the past two years that I have been at Cinnamon Tree. I am quite a different person now than I was not only two years ago when I first moved in, but also a year ago. And I know that that is for the best. I needed to be a different person at the start of last summer, but I also needed to change to be a different person now. Change is hard, but change is always something that needs to happen. I am always striving to be better today than I was yesterday. Sometimes I don't succeed quite as much as I'd like to, but I do know that I am trying, and that is all that God asks of me. He sends me people who will love me, listen to me, empathize with me, and help me to not only yearn to be better, but will help me try to be better. I couldn't ask for better friends to surround myself with. 

I am sad to have left Cinnamon Tree, but I am grateful for the life that I had there. I am grateful for the people that He placed in my life to bless me, and help me know that I am loved, and I am worth so much! I was so, so blessed to meet some amazing people, and I am so grateful to call them my friends! I love them so, so much! I can't even express how much I have loved being in this ward, and how much I am going to miss it. I'm going to miss my friends so, so much, and I already do. I'm beyond grateful for my friends and for their love and support. I can't imagine my life without them. And because of them, I know God loves me. Sometimes I might not feel it, but I KNOW that He does because He gave me friends and roommates that I needed. He gave me friends and roommates that love me. And He inspired them to serve me when I needed it. I am sometimes amazed when I think that He places people in my life just for me. He puts them in my life because He knows that I need them. And I am beyond grateful for that. I know that He really, really loves me, because I met some amazing people whom I absolutely love and adore, and they love me, too! I am grateful to have such a hard time saying goodbyes because it means that I love, and I am loved!

I hope you have a wonderful week! Life is so good! I am so grateful!

Xoxo
Mattie

P.S. A couple of weeks ago, my ward had a Spring Musical Fireside, and I am so, so grateful for everyone who performed their own musical numbers, and for those who helped in the choir! It was such an amazing experience and it was the perfect end to my calling as choir director. I was able to have it recorded for some friends who were unable to come, and it can be viewed here. The sound quality isn't the greatest (get ready to fiddle with the volume a lot... *facepalm* I'm sorry), and I apologize for that, but I think you can still feel the spirit of the meeting. Enjoy! :)

The greatest gift that we can give someone is our time.

I am really grateful for everything that my Savior has done for me this semester. And I hope that He has been able to count on me to do a lot for the people that have been in my life. I have learned a lot this semester and am looking forward to the summer, and new adventures and experiences. I hope that the Lord will continue to place His trust in me and I hope that I can really come to be His hands and help those around me. I hope to learn and grow more, and I hope that I can become a better, selfless, and more Christlike person.

"The greatest gift that we can give someone is our time." ~Megan Roper. I absolutely LOVED this piece of truth that she shared today in sacrament meeting. People deserve our time and full attention. Nothing says, "I love you" or "I value you and care about you" more than spending time with someone, and taking the time to listen and comfort them, and take care of their needs. 

I feel like the overall message that I was getting today was to just love. And I'm so grateful for that. Mainly they were talking about loving and serving other people, but I honestly believe that it also means you. You can't help other people if you're not taking care of yourself. That is something that I struggle with, but I have decided that I am going to work on that so intensely this coming summer. I am going to work so hard on my scripture study and prayers, I am going to work so hard on going to bed and waking up at reasonable hours, and I am going to work on being healthier. While I am working on that, I am also hoping to be better at being more aware of the needs of those around me, and I am going to try to serve more. 

I am honestly so, so, so thankful for the past two years that I have had here at Cinnamon Tree. Today was my last Sunday with the ward officially, and I am so, so, so sad to be leaving, but I know that it is what I need in my life right now. I am going to miss everyone, and I am going to miss the warm environment, and all of the love. I am going to miss all of the lessons that I learn from my friends and my roommates. I am going to miss all of the love, support, and care from the Bishopric and their wives. I am going to miss the feelings of connection, love, and home.

I am so grateful for all of the people that I have met here, and I am so grateful for all of the amazing and wonderful adventures that we've had together. I am so grateful for all of the wonderful and amazing examples that I've met in my life! There are so many people who have changed my life just by being themselves, and I am so, so, SO blessed to have had them in my life!! I am so grateful for the time that we have spent together, and for the efforts that they have made to bless my life. I am grateful for the person that I am today. I would not be who I am today, or where I am today, without my experiences at Cinnamon Tree, and without the people that I've met here. 

I am so excited for this summer but I am also sad. However, I know that I will always be able to call them my friends! I can't wait to see where life takes me this next year, but also where life takes my friends. I love them all so, so much and I wish them the happiest and best life imaginable! And I hope that they know that I am always, always here for them. 💜💜💜

God has blessed me with the best two years here at Cinnamon Tree and I honestly wouldn't change them for the world. 💜💜💜💜💜

I hope that everyone who still has finals this week, or finals in the upcoming weeks, knows that they can do it! You are smart, strong, capable, and you have put so much time and effort into your classes this semester. I know that you can finish the semester strongly! 

God loves you. I love you. You are going to do great things in this world. Don't give up. Keep holding on. Keep serving. Keep loving. Keep being you. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Love is putting someone else's needs before yours.

Just a quick little blog post today! It's been a busy weekend and week so I didn't have a lot of time to do a post today!

I am so ready for the semester to be over! I still have a lot to do but I'm hopeful I can get it done! I'm so thankful for my Savior...it's been a rough couple of weeks and I've been blessed with the people in my life that I need to get through them. I am grateful for the scriptures, and for the peace and comfort that they bring to me. They've been a blessing this past couple of weeks, but especially this past week. I am grateful for the fact that I have gotten through this semester. It's been soo rough, guys....But I've had my Savior to rely on, and the most amazing and wonderful roommates and friends. I've really been blessed. I have honestly felt so loved this semester and this school year, which I am so grateful for. I know that God loves me, and I am so grateful that He lets me start over again.

Daniela said something in her lesson today that was a quote from her grandmother, and I really, really loved it. She said, "You're gonna do a really hard thing, but you're gonna do it really, really well." I absolutely loved that!! Life is a really difficult thing, and sometimes we go through really difficult trials, and oftentimes we don't know why. But we are able to get through it, and we are able to use it to make us someone better than who we currently are.

In Relief Society today, I wrote down something that I really loved and wanted to share. These are just some of my thoughts based on what we talked about today.

"Love is sacrifice. I can sacrifice my temptations, and I can show Him that I love Him more than the desire to give in to my temptations." "Love is putting someone else's needs before yours." ~Olaf (Frozen) And since I love the Lord....I am going to put Him above everything else.

Megan said something in her testimony that I loved. She said, "Not only is the gospel something we live, the gospel is something we can be." I love that!! She is such an amazing person!! I love her so much and am so grateful for her love, sacrifice, service, and friendship!!

I am so grateful for the lessons today!! I heard and learned what I needed to hear, and I made new commitments that I am optimistic I can keep!

I am so grateful for the progress that I've made in my final projects for school. I think that I will be able to finish them adequately well and in time.

I am grateful for the brief chance I had to chat with/FaceTime a few of my siblings tonight. Crazy though they are, I really do love them and am so grateful for them.

I am so grateful for all of the people in my life. I am grateful for blessings, and for miracles. I am grateful for honestly good, down-to-earth people who come into my life right when I need them, and who make my life so much happier.

I love the Lord. I love my Savior. I am grateful for His Atoning Sacrifice, and I am grateful for His love. I am grateful for the chances that I have been given to start again, and I am grateful for the love and support that I receive from my friends and family. I am looking forward to finishing out this school year and to starting my summer job (starting in June) at BEAR LAKE!! I am going to be working at a scout camp with my friend and I am so excited!! It's going to be amazing!! Going back to school in the fall will be super fun because I am so close to being done with my schooling! I only have two semesters left after this one!!

I have learned so much from going to school. Honestly, I've really kind of doubted me even needing to go to school, because I've been thinking, "I'm just going to go back to like, watching kids or whatever. I don't really think this education is necessary." But these past couple of weeks, I have been learning a lot that I didn't know before, and I have been looking into different internship possibilities, and I am actually interested in a couple of different things than I originally thought. And I have been thinking that, even if I don't end up using my education, it will be helpful for me in the long run because I will always have human interactions, and I will always need to know how people work. So I am grateful for my education, and for the time that I have spent here at BYU.

I am also grateful for the memories I have made. I have met so many people who have all blessed my life in one way or another. I don't know who I would be if I hadn't gone to college....and honestly, I don't think I want to find out. I love who I am. I am learning, and growing, and standing on my feet. I am making mistakes, and trying again, and finding people, and loving people, and accepting people, and showing people what they mean to me. I am taking other broken and mending people and I am helping mend them. And they, in turn, are helping mend me. That's what love is all about.

Xoxo
Mattie

When we act, we are blessed.

What a crazy week it has been! Working on some last-minute homework, final projects, and prepping for the musical fireside tonight...it's been busy. But I've made it. I just have to finish up with the fireside and then start prepping for finals! I'm super nervous!! But I think it will be fine...I just have to stay focused and motivated.
There's a lot of things I'm going through/have been going through lately that have been really difficult, but as I've turned to my Savior, things have been better...I still have tons to work on...I have a lot to change to do better...and sometimes I still feel like I'm failing, and just taking steps backwards...but I know that as I am diligent in my personal scripture studies, life will go a lot smoother.

Church today was really insightful. I learned a lot...and I realized a lot...and I know what I need to work on in my life.

I wrote this thing down in my notebook during sacrament meeting that I originally wasn't going to share...but I feel the need to.

I am a human.I have flaws.
I have weaknesses.
I have strengths.
I have times that I win my battles.
I have times that I lose them.
Overcoming temptation is hard and sometimes seems impossible. Sometimes it seems like I will never fully be able to overcome. I wish I could just QUIT but it's not that easy...it's taking me more time than I would really like.
During class later, I was thinking about something. One of my favorite things that I learned in conference was to trust God's timing. I don't know why this is something that I have been struggling with for a long time...and I am not going to lie, sometimes I feel helpless. Sometimes I feel like I am too far gone and that I will never be able to get back on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I will never get over it and that I will never get to be where I want to be, and where I know God wants me to and knows that I can be.But I hope and pray that as I am diligent in my scripture study, I will be able to have the help and hand of the Lord in my life.
I know that Heavenly Father loves me and forgives me when I repent...He has such faith in me. I am so grateful for that...I love Him so much and I wish that I could be the girl He sees. I wish that I could be the daughter that He deserves. I'm trying so hard, but sometimes I feel like I will never be that girl. 

I had a lot of personal realizations today. And it was hard. But...I've come so far. Even with my setbacks...and my steps backwards...I have come so far. It's hard to see sometimes...especially when I make mistakes...but luckily God gave me the best roommates. They see me for who I am, and they help me remember who I am, and whose I am. They love me so much and I don't know what I would do without them. They are exactly who I needed and I can't imagine my life without them. They remind me of my worth, my attributes, my strengths, my blessings. I am a completely different person today than I was before I met them. They have honestly changed my life, and I am forever grateful to them for that.

There is no one who is without problems. Some are more visible than others. And some are more personal than others. But no matter what–God will always, always, always, always love you. He will always be there for you. And He will make sure you have the opportunities you need to learn, and grow, and change, and become who He knows you can become.

I'm not sure what lies in store for me in the future...and it sometimes frightens me. I wish I knew what I am supposed to be learning through this extended trial. But I do know this: that no matter what, I can always turn to my Heavenly Father...and I can always turn to the people in my life. When I need them...they will be there.

I've set some new goals for this upcoming week, and I am hopeful that things will go well! One day at a time...I can do hard things. I don't know what's ahead...but I am stepping into the darkness with faith that, in time, I will know.

I just need to let Him in, and act. When we act, we are blessed. That is my plan this week. I am going to act. And I am going to stay strong. And I am going to do what He has asked me to do. And I am going to remember that I AM NOT MY MISTAKES. My mistakes do not define my worth. My worth just is–there is no changing it.

I am brave. I am bruised. I am capable. I am loved. I am a daughter of God. I am WORTH IT.

Xoxo
Mattie

Happy Easter Conference!

Happy Easter! And happy General Conference weekend!! It's been an amazing weekend!! I've learned so much and I have a lot to work on and I am SO excited!! I've been feeling very motivated lately, which is FANTASTIC! I hope it will last the next three weeks as I finish up this semester!

I am so thankful for my Savior, who died and was resurrected so that I could live again. I am so thankful that I can be with my family forever. I went home for today's sessions of conference and I had a blast with my family, especially little brothers! I love them so much and am so grateful for them! They have my whole heart and they're all I need in my life right now.

General Conference was AMAZING!!! We got two new apostles–Elder Gerrit W. Gong and Elder Ulisses S. Soares. I am so excited! They have spoken in conference before and I really loved their talks. We are going to be getting 7 new temples!! I am so excited!! They're going to be all over the world–except for the one in Layton, UT. Though, technically it is still a part of 'all over the world'. Anyway, there's going to be one in India and Russia!! That's awesome!! The home/visiting teaching programs are being reorganized–we are now calling it 'ministering' and there's going to be a little bit of revamping. I'm super excited for that! :)

There were so many amazing and wonderful lessons that I have learned this weekend, but one of my most favorite overall messages was: Love one another–including yourself. That is something that I have been struggling with a lot lately, but I'm working on it. Another message that I got was about forgiveness, including forgiving yourself, which is also something that I struggle with.

Lately I have realized that I have a lot about myself that I have to focus on working on, and even though I had a less-than-ideal way of getting that message, I am really grateful for it. So, I am trying to focus on me right now. Focusing on my spiritual studies, my scholarly studies, and turning outwards. I am trying to focus on doing, and being, and living.

I can't wait till the conference talks are all transcripts online! I am so excited to be able to learn from them more in the upcoming months! I am going to try and work on some things and I am excited to make these changes in my life.

God is our Father. He knows exactly what we need to hear. He knows what we need to do to change. He has given us the Holy Ghost as a companion to help us learn and grow, as well as to help us minister to those around us. I am so grateful for the revelations that I received this weekend, and I am so thankful for the opportunities that God gives me to change. He has given me so many second chances...I am so thankful that He loves me so much and that He wants to help me change. I can't wait to start!

I am so blessed! It's been a wonderful conference weekend, and having conference fall on Easter Sunday is always a blessing! I am so thankful for the wonderful example of my Savior, and for His sacrifice and love! I am blessed beyond measure and I am so excited to be able to focus my life in the right direction, and show Him that He didn't make a mistake with me.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend and that you have an amazing week! :)

Xoxo
Mattie

He does not give up on you.

You never realize just how much you have to work on changing and improving yourself until you're studying the scriptures. And spending time with people. No one on earth is perfect. We all have weaknesses and make mistakes. We all have times where we struggle. But with Him, we can overcome. With Him, we can start again. And again. And again. With Him, we can keep trying. Though we will never be perfect in this life, we can align ourselves on the path with which we can someday become perfect through Christ. He will be with us every step of the way, and He won't let us fall.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to perform in sacrament meeting today! I'm grateful for Carrie and Megan, who agreed to perform with me and accompany me. They really helped make the experience amazing. I wasn't really super nervous until right before we were performing but it went amazingly and surprisingly well! I'm grateful for the message of "A Child's Prayer" and for the love that is so evident in the song. I'm grateful for the Spirit, and for the love that He helps us feel, and for the answers He helps us receive, and for the comfort and assurances that He gives.

I have had a really great week and weekend. I have learned a lot from my scripture study, and from talking and experiencing life with my friends. I've learned that I need to start being grateful for things that I do, and have, and not stress so much about things that I don't, and don't have. I learned that I can do amazing things and that I am stronger than I think I am. I learned that I am doing good things, but I can be doing better. I learned that there is moderation in all things, including emotions, which is something that I'd never thought about before, but RD (my therapist) brought it up on Friday and I really loved that. I learned that I need to re-evaluate my priorities in life and that I need to look past the surface, and focus on the essence. I need to take the little pieces, and use them to make something bigger, and brighter, and more beautiful. I learned that I am beginning to see myself differently, and on the whole, it's a good different. I learned that there is more to me than what I think, and I learned that there is more to life than what I think.

Here in mortality, perfection is still pending.

I have been studying the scriptures with a friend for the past couple of days and it has been such a blessing! I am learning so much more than I usually do by myself as we talk and discuss the scriptures together. I am so thankful for her insights and love–we had a really awesome study session last night and I learned several new things that I am excited to incorporate into my life. One thing I am hoping to work on is not only being humble enough to trust Heavenly Father, but I also want to work on trusting Him enough to be humble.

We were reading in Doctrine and Covenants section 67 last night, and in verse 3 it says, "there were fears in your hearts, and verily this is the reason that ye did not receive." I loved that because I thought it explained so much! Sometimes we don't trust Him enough, and we are more afraid...and that is why we don't get answers. Because fear comes from Satan, not God, and when we are afraid, we are essentially not trusting Him, so why would He give us an answer if we don't trust Him? Lately I have been coming to terms with the fact that I think I do not trust Him enough...which really makes me sad, but probably makes Him even more devastated. And even though I have been trying to work on it, I don't think that I have really been focused on it all that much. So that is one of my goals for this next week/the next couple of weeks. I know that with His help, I can do it. 

In sacrament meeting today, Aunica talked about four types of members, and specifically about the fourth type. She talked about how we need to give up our will, and be willing to do whatever God asks of us. We need to take the steps necessary to do His will. One thing that she briefly mentioned that I absolutely loved was the fact that it [meaning, for instance, our Sabbath day worship, our daily worship, etc.] only becomes for us when we let it be for Him. 

Brother Thompson talked about how we don't need to be perfect right now, we just need to strive to be perfect. He said, "Here in mortality, perfection is still pending." We have an opportunity to improve, and that's the goal–line upon line, precept on precept. 

I feel like a lot of the lessons I learned in church today complemented a lot of the messages that Haley and I studied last night, and I am so grateful for that. I am so thankful for the scriptures, and for the fact that she and I study the most amazing and perfect things for me when I need them, and I hope and pray that they help her when she needs them, too.

It's hard to accept the fact that sometimes, you don't know what is going on in your life. It's hard to accept that you don't know what is going to happen. It's hard to accept that sometimes, God trusts you to make decisions. My roommates and I were talking this morning about that, and Carrie said that sometimes, when you don't really feel prompted one way or another, that just means that the decision you're trying to make doesn't really make a difference one way or another. And it means that God trusts you. And I said, "Well, He trusts me more than I trust myself." And she said that maybe that means that I need to learn to trust myself more, and trust Him more. And she's right. I have been struggling recently with a lot of different things, and realized that I need to learn to accept His trust, and help, and I need to learn to be humble. I've been struggling to focus on lots of different things in my life right now so I am only going to focus on one thing right now, and that is my humility. I feel like, as I learn more about humility, and being humble, and as I become more humble, I will eventually also be able to trust Him more, so really it's like hitting two birds with one stone, just slowly. 

I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned this weekend. I am grateful for supportive and loving friends, and family. I am grateful for the resources that I have access to. I am grateful for the fact that I am here on Earth. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to learn and grow. I am grateful that I am able to go to school. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have to serve those around me. I am grateful for the people in my life who help me remember who I am, and how strong I am, and how brave, and kind, and intelligent, and loved. I am grateful for those who do not let me degrade myself, and for those who lift me up when I am feeling down, and when I cannot lift myself up. I am grateful for those who remind me of Jesus Christ, and of what He would do. I am grateful for those who stand as witnesses of God, at all times, and for those who stand with me. I am grateful for those who not only love me, but let me love them. 

I can't believe that March is coming to a close soon! The semester is going by so fast! I hope that you have a wonderful week! Heavenly Father loves you!! 

Xoxo

Mattie